“I get that,” I murmur, running a finger along her collarbone.

“You do?” she asks, seeming shocked for a moment before coming up on her elbow.

“Yeah, why do you think my body is covered with these?” I run my hand up my inked arm.

“You’re hiding.” It’s barely a question, more of a statement.

“I’ve always been hiding, Holly.” I admit the cold truth. I’ve been alone for a long time, unsure if I would ever want to let anyone in. It didn’t even occur to me I’ve spent all this time trying to get her to let me in that I don’t know how to do it myself. I know I need to tell her; tell her about Keira, and about the past which has shaped me into the man I am now, but how do you tell something like that to the woman you’re falling for? Allowing a person to see the hurt I wear on my skin, or what lives in my heart, is something I don’t ever give freely. Miraculously, she has been able to bring something out in me I buried a long time ago. Underneath all the anger and pain that follows me around, I feel something I haven’t felt in such a long time: peace.

“You don’t have to hide with me, Sy,” she says and I believe her. I really do. I just don’t know how to tell her.

“I like being in your bed. I should be in it more often,” I tell her as I kiss her softly.

“You should stay the night,” she says, and even if she hadn’t suggested it, I wouldn’t have left. Not with the smell of her still on my fingers.

“Your brother's not planning to come in tonight, is he?” I ask, hoping she says no. Even if he doesn't live here, he has a key and calls in frequently. I've managed to avoid him, but knowing our luck, he turns up the night I stay.

“No, he's staying at my parents’ house tonight. He and Dad have an early fishing trip. Don't worry. We're safe,” she jokes. “My poor mom will be up sending them off with a packed lunch,” she laughs, picturing it.

“Your mom and dad seem close,” I say, watching her smile.

“They are,” she nods. She doesn't need to tell me she likes that a lot. “If I ever get married, I hope after thirty years, I’m still happy like them,” she says. “What about you? Are your parents still married?” she asks me. Jesus, tonight is the night for home truths.

“My dad died three years ago and my mom walked out on us when I was ten,” I tell her. She sits up, shocked at my story.

“Oh, God, Sy, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” She looks uncomfortable, but there’s no need for it.

“Don’t be. My father was a drunk all my life. He was a member of Knights Rebels MC and thought he was a god.” I shake my head, remembering what sort of man he was.

“Wow, so your dad was in the club when Red was president?” she asks.

“Yeah, I grew up with Nix and Beau. I was a few years behind them so I didn’t go to school with them, but at club get-togethers and family shit, we would hang out,” I reply, thinking back to the shit the boys used to get up to.

“Is that how you joined the club?”

“Fuck no. I left the moment I could. Didn’t want anything to do with my old man or the club. He didn’t care when I left. We never had that relationship and I wasn’t interested in trying. I only came back when he was dying. The club had pulled their shit together by then. Nix was Prez, and he took me in. Didn’t think I wanted in, but after spending the last few months with my dad, seeing how the club looked out for him in the final days, it just kinda happened.” I leave out the part that I really had nothing to go back to and the thought of joining a family when I had just lost mine was more than I could hope for.

“And you don’t know where your mom is?”

“I tried searching for her when Pops died, but couldn't find her,” I explain. My mom didn't want to be found.

“That sucks, Sy. I’m sorry.” She goes back to lying on me.

“Nothing to be sorry about, Holly. I just didn’t have the same experience as you.” I lean forward and kiss the top of her head.

“I wish you did,” she whispers, but I don't reply, because for a while in my life, I did. I slept next to the woman I called my wife for ten years. I planned to grow old with her. Then I found out she wasn't who I thought she was. Far from it.

“Come on, baby. Let’s sleep before I take those sexy pajamas off and do things that I know you’re not ready for,” I tell her, watching her blush.

“I wish I was ready,” she says. As do I, but I know deep down the moment she is, it sure will be worth the wait.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Holly

“The next shot is on me, girls,” Kadence says, throwing back her head and slamming down the amber liquid before hitting the shot glass on the table in front of her. We’re out for Kadence’s bachelorette party; the night after Sy and I made it to third base. Sy made me come with his fingers then we went back to kissing like teenagers and hanging out. He wouldn’t let things progress any further, only saying it wasn’t about that. I don’t know how to take it; I do know the more we spend time with each other, brings me slowly out of the place I’ve been held captive in the last few months. The dull ache that lives in me makes way for something new. With every smile, I surrender a little more of myself and every touch tethers me to him. I knew after the first time we met there was a connection. I just didn’t realize how strong it would be and that it would grow into a friendship of all things. I know we are both in some kind of limbo, not sure where this is all going, and the more time we spend together, the harder it is for me to gather up the courage to tell him about the baby. If I’m not careful, I will end up ruining what we have with my lies.

“No, this night is about you. No paying for drinks,” Kelly says, throwing her drink back and bringing me back to the room.

“Not to mention we know the owner, ladies,” I laugh, looking at her as she sways to the music blaring through Liquid’s speakers.

“Aww, guys. I love you all so much.” Kadence smiles over at us. She looks adorably ridiculous with her cheap veil messed up on her head.

“So, are Nix and the boys going out tonight?” Mia, Kadence’s friend from school, asks, looking out over the crowd below us. Jesse gave us the VIP section of Liquid tonight. It didn't take too much convincing to get him to agree, and surprisingly, he let us bring in some special entertainment. I'm not sure if Nix knows what's happening. Hopefully Jesse kept his word. When I tried to get the club’s okay for a Vegas trip, Nix shut it down. He wasn't comfortable with us being out unprotected since their recent dealings with some major hitters in the drug trade. And fair enough. We came to an agreement to keep it in Rushford and Jesse would let us use Liquid. We've had a great day so far; starting it off with a girls’ day at the spa where both Kadence’s and my mom joined us for facials and lunch. I tried to keep the day about Kadence, but at the mention of Sy’s name, our moms would not leave me alone. I was glad when we parted ways to get ready for dinner and drinks with the girls. I don’t think I would have handled the questioning looks from mom over dinner.

“The bachelor party is next weekend. We have Z to worry about now.” She smiles, looking as happy as ever.

“You didn't tell Nix about the stripper, did you?” I ask, watching her.

“Nooo.” She drags the word out, so I know she is lying.

“You told him,” I accuse, annoyed she didn’t keep it a secret.

“He knows not to bother us,” she says, shrugging like it’s no big deal.

“Pffft! Nix leave you alone? Jesus, you really are in love,” I laugh at her naïvety.

“What? He will—” She stops to think for a moment. “You’re so right. He is so going to fuck with us tonight,” she huffs, realizing her mistake.

“Don’t worry. I’ll sort him out,” I tell her, not letting her night be ruined by a bunch of sexy bikers.