“You have a new job?”

“I’m an army recruiter. It was either that or leave the military completely. I didn’t want to do that, so I stayed.” He slammed the legs of the chair down on the floor, leveling it again. “I might not be out there, saving guys anymore, but I’m helping others do so, and that’s gotta be enough for me.” He stopped talking and looked almost…embarrassed. As if he maybe hadn’t meant to tell me that. “It is enough.”

“It’s totally enough,” I agreed. I reached out, hesitated, but then closed my hand over his. “It’s amazing, what you’ve done. What you’re still doing. I always thought so. But why the new job if you’re not sure?”

“Well, I got shot.”

He said it so calmly. As if it didn’t matter. “Oh, my God. What? When?”

“It’s fine. It was a little over a month ago, and I obviously survived it,” he said, still tapping his fingers. “But my shooting days are over. Doc says you have to take what life throws at you and roll with it. So that’s what I’m trying to do. Roll.”

He’d done so much with his life. Seen so much. Fought. Lived. Maybe even died a little bit, out there. What had I done? Gone to school, fought a marriage and maybe lost. That kiss with him had been the single most exciting moment of my life, and he probably never even thought about it again. He was incredible; he was my first love…

And he didn’t even care.

“That’s a good way to look at it,” I said, my voice tight with all the questions I wanted to ask him, but couldn’t. Wouldn’t.

He rubbed his head and let out a breath. “Look, there’s something I need to say. It’s not easy, and I know it doesn’t fix things, but I’m sorry.”

“Okay….” I swallowed hard. “For?”

He flipped his hand over and caught my fingers, giving them a squeeze. He moved so fast I barely saw it. “That night, by the pool—we shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have egged you on, or kissed you back.”

“Then why did you?” I asked, staring at our hands.

“I don’t know. Something changed that night between us, and it was just…I couldn’t stop myself. Even though I knew that it was bad, and that if we got caught I’d be kicked out, I did it anyway. Did you get in trouble?”

“A little. Mostly, though, he blamed you. He always does.” I bit down on my tongue. “Is that what you wanted, though? To be kicked out?”

“Lilly…” He let out a long breath. “Deep down, I do think it was a rebellion, of sorts. I hated your dad. My mom wasn’t sticking up for me. And you were there, and looking at me, and I knew you…” He dragged his free hand through his hair and let out a short laugh. “Shit, it was messed up. And wrong. You were so young, too young for a guy like me, and I’m sorry I did it.”

I nodded. My heart racing. He’d answered so many questions, but I had one I still needed an answer to. “Did you want to kiss me?”

He paused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…” I tugged free of his hold and dropped my hands into my lap. It felt safer. Having him touching me confused me and made me feel as if he was controlling the conversation, but I needed that more than he did. Needed to be in control of myself, if nothing else. “Did you even want to kiss me, or was it simply a way to get him to kick you out so you could be free to make your own choices?”

He lifted his hands. “Does it really matter? It was seven years ago. Anything I did or didn’t feel all those years ago is gone. People change. I’ve sure as hell changed. I’m sure you have, too.”

I bit down on my tongue. “I just need to know if it was just to get out, or if, deep down, you wanted to kiss me. If you…I mean, I did. Want to. Obviously.” I lifted my chin. “Did you?”

He stared at me for so long I was sure he wouldn’t answer. That he would get up and walk off without another word. It shouldn’t be so hard for him to admit it. It wasn’t dirty or wrong. We didn’t grow up as stepsiblings all our lives. The attraction was there. We acted on it. What was so bad about that?

“Shit. I…I…” He went back to tapping his fingers on the table. “Yes. I wanted to kiss you. I was eighteen, you were pretty, and sweet, and the only person who was nice to me in that house…so yeah. I wanted to. A lot.”

My heartbeat escalated, and my breathing quickened. “Okay.”

“But that doesn’t change the fact that I used you,” he said, locking gazes with me. His tapping halted. “I didn’t do it only to escape, but in the end, it did exactly that. I knew the consequences that would arise if I was caught. I took that risk, and I didn’t make sure you were okay afterward. Even though I knew you had a crush on me, I never even asked you if you were okay. And for that, I’m deeply, truly sorry. You didn’t deserve that, and I never should have done it to you. Can you forgive me?”

I swallowed and looked out the window. Guess I got my answers, and they didn’t feel too good. But at least I knew now. And he seemed sincerely sorry for it. That had to count for something. “You’re right. It was a crappy thing to do, but I get it. Even back then, I got it. You wanted out, so you did something that would achieve that. Believe me, I know that feeling all too well.”

“Why’s that?” He rocked the chair back again. He balanced so easily. Effortlessly. If I tried that, I’d probably wipe out and fall on my butt. “Are you feeling trapped by your dad and all his plans?”

Yeah. By a marriage I didn’t want, but hadn’t yet discovered a way to escape. So I played along. Acted as if I had every intention of marrying Derek. And it was killing me, because deep down, I was scared I wouldn’t come up with a way to escape it entirely.

“That’s the question of my life,” I said, laughing uneasily. “It’s okay. I am working on fixing it.”

“How? What needs to be fixed?”

I stared back at him, not answering at first. Because while I’d been looking for other ways to save my father’s company, so far, I’d come up empty-handed. Thornton Products would merge with Hastings International to become a global shipping and distribution company that would be unstoppable. The cash influx that Derek’s father would bring Hastings International would save our struggling company, and our global trading rights to unlimited countries would help Thornton Products expand their reach.

But for that to happen, the families had to unite. And if they didn’t…the companies would both fail. And thousands of innocent people would be unemployed.

Because of my refusal to marry Derek Thornton III.

If it came down to it, and the only way to save thousands of workers from unemployment was to marry the guy…could I really say no? Could I really walk away?

I wasn’t so sure I could, or would, and that terrified me.

“Everything. All of it.”

He watched me, as if waiting for me to elaborate, but when I didn’t, he let the chair fall to the floor again. “If you ever need to talk, just let me know. Despite my actions in the past, I do care about you. And I’d like for us to be friends.”

“Thank you,” I said, forcing a smile. “But this is a battle I have to fight on my own.”

“Okay. But if that ever changes…”

He didn’t continue on. He didn’t have to.

We stared at one another, neither of us speaking.

After a while, he shifted his weight on his chair and glanced over his shoulder. “I forgot how nice it is, in this section of town.”

“How long are you going to stay at your…motel?”

He chuckled. “It loosely qualifies as that.”

I laughed a little. “Yeah. It’s…interesting.”

“Totally.” He turned back to me. “However long it takes to get a place of my own. I’m saving up money, and the room is super cheap, so it helps.”

I hesitated. I got that, I did, but it was just so…different from what he was used to. To what we were both used to. And I didn’t like knowing he was in an area where you were as likely to be mugged as you were to trip on a stone. “Isn’t there anyone else you can stay with?”