Doc smiled. “That’s a start. Why do you want to do these things, though?”

“She was always nice to me, even when no one else was.” I lifted a shoulder. “I want to do the same for her.”

Doc Greene nodded. “And I think that’s a great start. Spend more time with her. Show her you’ve changed, and that you’re not that boy from all those years ago. If she spends time with you, she’ll see it for herself.”

I nodded, but deep down I didn’t know that she was right. After all, I still wanted her. Even though I knew I shouldn’t, couldn’t, want her…I did.

And that was what made me such a shitty person.

“You don’t look convinced,” she said.

“It’s just…” I glanced at her, not sure how honest I wanted to be. “She’s very pretty, and there are old emotions at play. And that’s wrong, and twisted, and sick…”

Doc held up her hand. “She’s not actually your sister. Let’s get that out in the open.”

“I know. But still.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “It’s wrong, right?”

“It would be wrong to take advantage of her, or for you to make her think you want more from her than you do.” Doc sat back and pushed her glasses back into place. “But for you to spend time getting to know her—the real her—isn’t bad. Keep in mind, you’ve matured and changed over the past seven years, right?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Well, one could argue that she has, too.” Doc smiled. “You probably don’t know her as well as you think you do. Not anymore.”

I smiled. “I don’t know. She still has that hint of fire beneath her prim and proper attitude. But I don’t even know if she wants to see me again, not after last night. I don’t want to be too pushy.”

“Well, then, you’ll have to ask her—after you apologize. And try letting her show you how much she wants to get to know you, and let her decide how far it goes. Let her guide you, and you won’t go too far.”

I swallowed hard. “Okay. I will.”

“Now, about the rest of your week…”

I rubbed my forehead and yawned. “No nightmares. But I drank myself into oblivion last night, hence the stupidity I portrayed with Lilly, and got in a fight.” I winced. “So, uh, not so good, I guess?”

Doc sighed. “Not so good.”

“But I’ve been working again. I passed the psych test with flying colors. It’s a desk job in the army, handling new recruits, but it’s better than nothing, I guess.” I lifted a shoulder. “I decided that I didn’t want to leave completely. It’s my life.”

She nodded. “It’s still helping your country.”

Not really. I wasn’t out there shooting the enemy, or covering my men’s backs, so it wasn’t the same thing at all. “Yeah. Sure.”

“What about the rest of your week?”

I told her every boring detail about the rest of my week, and by the time I left, I was pretty sure we were both seconds from falling asleep. Yawning for the millionth time, I waved to the receptionist, promised to be back again at the same time and day next week, and walked back out into the sunshine. I only made it two steps before…

“Jackson?”

I stiffened. That soft, musical voice washed over me again, the effect as strong as it had been on me last night when I’d been drunk off my ass. Forcing a smile, I reminded myself to behave, to treat her like a sister and a friend, and turned. “Lilly. Hi.”

Yeah. Shit. Facing her was a mistake.

Discipline. I couldn’t forget my self-discipline.

Remain calm. Cool. Collected.

She wore a soft floral dress that hit midthigh, and the breeze kept blowing it up just enough to tease me. And her brown sandals matched her shades. She looked delectable. Especially when she smiled at me as if last night never happened. “You look like you’re feeling better.”

“I am.” I scratched my head and looked over my shoulder. We were still in front of Doc’s office, and her gentle reminder to treat Lilly nicely rang through my head. “Hey, I’m sorry for the way I acted last night. Or…might have acted.”

A small laugh escaped her. “Don’t mention it. We all drink a little bit too much sometimes. It’s no big deal.”

“Right. Good. Thanks.”

She stared at me.

I smiled back.

After a while, it occurred to me that the silence was awkward. Society dictated I say something now. Something polite and friendly. “Hey. Would you like to get coffee?”

Shit. Why did I say that?

Say no. Please say no.

“I’d love to,” she said brightly.

Well, double shit.

Chapter 4

Lilly

Jackson sat across the table from me, but he never sat still. He was constantly shifting, or moving, or glancing around as if he expected someone to come at us.

As if he was ready to fight.

The old Jackson I knew hadn’t been so restless. You would never see him fidget or pace. He just stood there, like a telephone pole in a storm, never bending. Never wavering. A strong man in the wind. It made me wonder, again, what he did over there, while he was away at war. I was beginning to see how it had changed him.

After last night, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him. About the boy he had once been, and the man he was now.

When I was young and naive, I hadn’t believed my father when he told me Jackson used me to get kicked out of the house. To be free. But as I grew older and wiser, I realized that he had. That I had been a means to an end. And even then…

I hadn’t hated him.

How could I¸ when I wanted the same thing he did? Freedom to live my own life, the way I chose to do it, and for my father to love me and accept me as I was.

But I would never get that.

Kissing Jackson wouldn’t set me free. I needed something much bigger.

“You’re being quiet,” Jackson said, staring at me with those intense brown eyes. I’d never been a girl who swooned over brown eyes. I preferred blue, or green, or even hazel. But on Jackson, man, it just worked. “When you’re quiet, you’re usually upset about something. What are you upset about now, little girl?”

I rolled my eyes at the annoying nickname. “Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

“When it comes to you?” He leaned in, looking way too serious for so early in the day. “Believe me, I want to know about it. About all of it.”

Funny, because he hadn’t bothered to even try to speak to me in, well, seven years. But I didn’t point that out. “Why are you here, in this section of town?” I asked quickly. “I mean, I know you don’t want your mom to know you’re back and all, but why come here, then?”

He snorted. “Wow. One would think you were in the military, with that perfectly timed deflection.”

“I don’t need training for that,” I said, lifting a shoulder. “Been doing it my whole life. With Daddy, you don’t really have a choice.”

“Shit, you still call him Daddy?”

“Again. Like I have a choice? Every time I try to call him Dad, or Father, he refuses to answer me.” I stared at him, not backing down. “Why are you here?”

“I had an appointment.” He set his coffee down, flexed his jaw, and pushed back his chair so it rested on two legs instead of four. “With a head shrink.”

“Oh.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to that. Was he okay? Was it something he wanted to talk about? Probably not. I mean, who wants to delve into their head with people they hadn’t seen in seven years? At this point, I was just somebody that he used to know.

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” He tapped his fingers on the table. “I’m not having panic attacks, or suicidal thoughts, or anything like that. It’s just customary for someone like me to meet with someone once a week. And I’ve been getting evaluated, and studied, and all that shit. It goes part and parcel with”—he broke off and ran his hands down his face—“with my new desk job, and all that.”