*

Drained of every last ounce of energy, Selene and I lie in bed together. She snuggles up against me, and I love the feeling. Holding her like this makes me feel strong, invincible. Moments like this I feel whole, and I start to think that maybe someday under the right circumstances I can get my shit together enough to offer someone some semblance of a life together. I just don't know that I could do it in time for Selene.

"I was nervous coming. I thought you might not be here," Selene's voice breaks into my thoughts.

"All you'd have to do is call and I'd come running home."

She snickers. "You don't get it. I wouldn't call you if I thought you were out with another woman."

I pull away because I want to look at her face, read the emotions in her eyes. "That bothers you?"

"You know what?" Her voice cracks as she turns avoiding eye contact with me, and sits up letting her feet hang off the edge of the bed. I said the wrong thing and now she's looking to escape.

"I thought you were done running away from me," I say as I wrap my arms around her from behind and ease her back down. "You came, and I was here. Alone." I don't say anything more. I wait for her to look at me before I say anything, but before I can utter a word, she turns her sad eyes on me, and speaks.

"We could've just had sex and ended it there, Cooper. But you couldn't leave it at that. You complicated everything when you responded to Mateo's text."

Is she breaking up with me? This hurts. Every breath is making my chest ache. I dig down deep for the courage to keep this conversation going because I want to know what she's thinking, what she's feeling. I can't let it end here and now.

"Do you want more with him? Or is it that you don't want a relationship with me?" I ask with my heart slamming against my chest, hoping to hide how devastating this is.

"I didn't want a relationship with you. Not then. At least I don't think I did."

She's fucking crushing me with her words. They feel like they're three ton boulders being dropped on me from miles above.

"And now?" My eyes drop down to her lips. I can't look her in the eye when she answers because I'll die of embarrassment if the answer isn't good and she catches me welling up with tears. I lean in a bit wanting to shut her up with a kiss, but I hold back and close my eyes waiting to hear the words I'm certain are coming.

"I hate thinking when I'm gone that you might be like this with someone else."

"Is that what you think I do? Wait for you to leave so I can hunt pussy?"

She squeezes her eyes closed, and grimaces.

"Hey," I swipe my thumb gently over her cheek. "I know that sounds harsh and vulgar. But that's what you're accusing me of. That's all being with someone else could be. This," I point my finger back and forth between us. "I've never had this with anyone. The talking and holding each other. The need and desire to be with someone for more than a night or two. This is all special, baby. At least for me."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

Her eyes dart away from me. I don't know if I need to reassure her or if I need her to reassure me. I do the only thing that feels natural. I take her face in my hands, lean in and swipe my tongue over her lips.

"I'm sorry I'm not good at making you feel special . . ."

"That's just it, Cooper!" I hear the frustration in her voice as she pulls away, and I'm not sure why it's there. “You do make me feel special. You look at me like I'm the most beautiful girl in the universe and when we're together I feel like the luckiest woman alive."

"So what's the problem?"

She lets out a long sigh and my stomach is tumbling, not sure if it's going to land right side up when this conversation is over.

"I feel this connection to you, and it scares the hell out of me because I know whatever is going on inside me is real. But I can't tell if what’s going on with you is."

"Of course it is."

"When I was away on this last trip, I missed you so much, I searched for images of Jaxson Stone, just so I could see you."

"I thought that's why we video conference."

"There were so many pictures of you half naked, kissing and touching other women."

"Pictures of Jaxson, not me. They were promotional pictures, Selene. There were lights and cameras all around us, not to mention Kaycee, the photographer, and his assistants. There was nothing romantic about it."

"Cooper, I saw you with Laura. It took you no time to create a connection with her. It happened so fast and ended just as quickly. You made a total stranger fall in love with you in a heartbeat."

I don't answer right away. An uncomfortable silence falls between us. It's gnawing at me. I don't know what to say or what she wants to hear. I wish she'd just get to the point and either sever the ties or not, but right now, this feeling of being in limbo is paralyzing. She stays silent, staring at me, waiting for me to speak. She's waiting for something and I'm not giving it to her. I brush the hair away from her eyes.

"Laura was different. That was a one-time deal." I say shaking my head. "I told you, I'm no fucking super hero. But on that day, at that moment I needed to be. She needed me to be."

"I know. I get that."

"And it was one short interaction. She sure as hell didn't fall in love with me."

"You're blind, Cooper."

"Nah. You're seeing what you want to see. And if you want the truth, I'm trying hard with you, because I meant everything I said to you that day in the coffee shop. You're all I think about. And the more I get to know you, the more nervous I am you're going to wake up one morning and realize that you can do so much better than me."

It hurts to admit, but it's the truth, and above all else I'm trying to be honest, I'm trying to give her what she deserves. "Now, why don't you tell me what set you off?" I ask bringing my lips to her neck. "Was I too rough before?"

Her eyes glass over, and I fucking hate myself because I hurt her, or demeaned her. Whatever it was, I did something bad to her and I wish like hell I could take it back and do it over again.

She shakes her head, "No. It was . . . It was mind blowing."

I'm certain I heard wrong. She liked it?

"Then why are you so upset?" I pull her against my chest and wrap my arms around her.

"I crossed a threshold. I've crossed a few since we met. And I've liked every one of them. Before now it's always been more or less boring and vanilla. Tonight I trusted you enough to take a step into uncharted territory. Again. And I freaking loved it! I loved it so much, I want more. You keep opening these doors and leading me through them, and each time I discover something wonderful and new. And you're the reason it's great. I want to try things with you that I don't even know I want to try. And that's because I trust you, Cooper. And it terrifies me."

"What's so wrong with trusting me?"

"I know what you are. I mean the minute I met you I realized you were a player."

With a feather light touch I run my fingertips up and down her arms.

"That's why you wanted to surprise me? You wanted to see if I was alone?"

She shrugs. "Maybe. I mean I hoped you would be."

"And I was." I take her hand in mine and entwine our fingers. "So if you found me alone and you want more of what happened earlier, I don't see what the problem is." I feel myself getting agitated because she's emotional over nothing, and I don't do well with emotions.  But I work at keeping my tone soft and even so she has no excuse to leave my bed tonight.