“He didn’t do anything. I’m just not feeling well. I was calling to tell you I’m taking the afternoon off,” I say, keeping my voice as steady as possible.

“Our trip to New York got moved up to tomorrow instead of Wednesday,” he announces.

Pressing my fingertips to my temples, I massage slowly. “What time?”

“Eight. My car will pick you up at 7:30.”

“Okay. If you need anything this afternoon, don’t be afraid to call,” I add, feeling terrible about bailing before a big meeting.

“Hope you feel better.”

“Thank you.”

I haven’t said anything to Pierce yet about leaving after the hotel project is complete, but I’ve hinted at it. He sees the writing on the wall.

With only minutes left before the train stops, I pull my purse over my shoulder and scurry to the elevator. Once inside, I watch the numbers go down hoping the elevator doesn’t stop as each one passes. With three minutes to spare, my heels click across the lobby floor. I run as fast as I can, hopping on the train right before it roars down the tracks.

The ride is just long enough to sort out my thoughts and worries. It’s already done—there’s a baby growing inside of me—and whether he decides to stick by me isn’t up to me.

He could walk, but all I really want him to do is hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I need a partner in this. I need my lover.

As I climb the stairs, I’m undecided as to whether I want him to be home or if I’d rather have time alone with my secret.

I’m relieved when the door is locked. I slip my key in and step into the quiet apartment, setting my stuff down on one of the dining room chairs.

There’s one place in this small apartment that relaxes me. I turn on the bath water, pouring in the rest of the lavender Blake bought me several weeks ago. The sweet fragrance fills the air as I undress, tossing my work clothes haphazardly across the floor.

The scent alone brings back memories of that night, the night we may have created this baby. After testing the temperature with my toe, I sink deep into the water letting it flow over my shoulders.

With no distractions, I let my mind wander off. I envision a little girl dressed in one of the frilly little outfits my mom always put me in. She’d have my red hair and curls, with any luck. I see her giggling, and I wonder what I would name her. Something pretty, yet simple. Something that would match the strength I’d hope she’d have.

Then I picture a little boy with Blake’s dimple and light, sandy hair. I picture him in Blake’s studio covered in paint, smiling at me with the same mischievous grin Blake often wears. He’d be a heartbreaker … that’s for sure.

“There you are,” Blake says, scaring me enough that water splashes from the tub.

I cover my chest, attempting to catch my breath. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

He sits on the edge of the tub. “I wasn’t expecting you to be home.”

“I wasn’t feeling very well, so I decided to take the afternoon off.”

Leaning in, he rubs the backs of his fingers across my cheek. “Can I get you anything?”

I shake my head.

“Is there anything I can do to make it better?”

“You could get in here with me.”

He smirks, staring down at my bare breasts. “Nothing would make me happier,” he remarks, pulling his shirt over his head. His movements put me in a deep trance—quietly studying the ridges of his stomach as he unbuttons his jeans letting them fall next to my clothes.

He slides in across from me, his eyes glued to mine. He pulls my legs between his. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

There are times in life when words just aren’t enough. Or when words are too much. I stand on my knees and straddle his lap as my lips crash into his. I push until my teeth hurt because that’s how much I love him … I love him so much it hurts.

His hands slowly inch up my back, holding me close to his chest. I could stay trapped in his love forever.

Desire sweeps through my body. I pull back just enough to gaze into his sapphire eyes. This man loves me. He may not want to say it, but he does.

Reaching between our bodies, I grab hold of him and sink down. His mouth falls open, his hands grip my hips as I come up a few inches then fill myself with him again.

“Jesus, Lemon Drop, did you come home early because you missed me?”

His fingers travel up my sides, his thumbs brushing against my breasts. Our breaths echo in the small, enclosed room.

I speed my pace, enjoying the friction. Enjoying the feeling that comes before I lose control.

“That’s it, let go, Lila. I’ll catch you … I’ll always catch you.”

Tears prick my eyes as I reach my peak, screaming his name over and over. He’s my harbor from the storm. My safeguard. My shelter. That’s what I still want him to be after I break the news.

I nestle against his chest, enjoying the feel of his strong arms wrapped around me. I cry silently, my tears falling into the water. I just got him back, and I don’t want anything to change us. We’re not perfect, but I still like us.

“Hey,” he says, putting space between us. “Are you crying?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you, Blake.”

He looks away. He can’t say he loves me, how is he going to accept a baby? First comes love they always say.

“You can’t say it. I get it.” Standing, I pull my robe from the hook and wrap it around my body. “I need to go lay down. My head is killing me.”

Anger fills my heart as I lie on my pillow and stare out the window. The sun from earlier has disappeared. Dark clouds cover the sky, rain falling steadily against the windowpane.

All I’ve ever wanted was to be happy. Why is that so hard? I see flashes of bliss, but just as quickly as they appears they’re gone again.

The side of my bed dips. If he only knew the power he holds over me. How I ride the ups and downs with him.

He wraps his arm around me. “I’m sorry. You mean so much to me. I just … I can’t.”

“Do you want children?” I ask. It just comes out.

His arm loosens. No response comes. That pretty much answers the whole question.

“I’m pregnant, Blake.”

He’s speechless, body suddenly rigid behind mine. This little voice echoes in my ear, telling me over and over I’m going to be in this alone. Blake’s a drifter—in and out of my life … my heart. Babies ground you. They give you a purpose outside of yourself—something beautifully unselfish.

Unable to stand the silence any longer, I turn to face him. He squeezes his eyes shut. My heart absolutely shatters.

“Who?” he asks, voice shaking.

“Who what?”

“Who’s the father, Lila? Is it me or is it him?”

I verge on tears. What’s going through his head right now is ten times worse than what’s going through mine.

I reach up to stroke his cheek but think better of it when he rolls onto his back, staring up at the stark white ceiling.

“It’s our baby. I was never with him without protection. Never.”

He hops up from the bed, staring down at me completely naked. “You’re hitting me with a lot right now, Lila. I honestly don’t know if I can do this. Babies deserve nurture and love; I’d be a shitty parent.”

“We’re in this together,” I answer back, attempting to hold him with my eyes. I’ve seen this Blake before; he’s ready to run. It’s easier for him to run.

“I need to think for a while,” he says staring at the open door.

“You said you wouldn’t leave,” I whisper as he starts walking away.

He does anyway. I hear him rummaging in his room then the door slams leaving my heart broken. I laid it all on the line, and now that it’s all said and done, I have nothing left but the baby that’s growing inside me.

BLAKE DIDN’T COME HOME last night. After what happened in the past, it’s something I should have come to expect.