“Me neither. She’s got ironclad willpower.” She dumped the eggs onto a plate. “Scrambled okay?”

“Perfect.”

She handed me the plate with a napkin and fork. “How are things with Mr. M?”

“Thanks, Lily.” I laid the napkin in my lap and picked up my fork. “Mr. M is as sexy as ever. He wants to see me tonight, so I may not be around.”

She smirked at me as she cracked eggs for another round. “That makes it almost every day for the last week.”

“Not that you’re keeping track or anything.”

“Clearly I’m not at all interested or curious about this guy in any way. And I’m not at all dying to know who he is, or what he looks like, or where you met him, or all of the millions of things you haven’t told me. I’m very indifferent about the whole thing.”

I laughed. “Clearly.”

“So, none of those pesky feelings have developed, have they?”

I took a sip of coffee. “We’re just having fun, that’s all. There’s nothing more to it. He’s a lot like Jimmy, which makes it impossible to take him seriously.”

“But, I mean, how alike are they really?”

I thought about how to phrase it in a way that wouldn’t tip her off, taking a bite of eggs to stall. “Well, they’re both manwhores, even though Mr. M is up front about it. And they’re both charmers. They have a knack for making me feel special and pretty, even though I don’t believe they want anything real from me. Just … magnetic, you know? They have charisma. You just want to believe them so badly. Which is scary, because apparently I’m gullible.”

Lily pushed the sizzling eggs around again. “I dunno. You trusted Jimmy. That doesn’t make you gullible.”

“Says you. Anyway, I see Mr. M coming from a mile away. I won’t be fooled again. I’ve got his number, and I know his game. I’m armed with foresight and a set of surefire rules to keep things casual. As long as I can just enjoy that little sliver of him I know I can handle, everything will be okay.”

“Oh, I’m sure you can handle his sliver just fine.”

“Not half as well as he can handle mine.”

She giggled. “So, how does it work? Like, do you guys talk and hang out, or do you just go cowgirl up and then split when it’s over?”

“We talk, but dates aren’t allowed, per the rules. We hang out at his place sometimes too, but nothing much, really. I just get freaked out if I stay there too long or we talk about serious stuff.”

She plated her eggs and sat next to me, arranging her napkin. “So you really don’t have any feelings for him?”

“I mean, I like him. I enjoy talking to him. And I’ll admit, he is such a good kisser that I sometimes forget all about the rules.”

Her full mouth didn’t stop her from snickering.

I pushed my eggs around my plate before scooping up a bite. “But I’m just another notch on his bedpost. He’s just using me, and I’m using him too. It works.”

“As long as you can keep that mentality, you’ll be just fine.”

“I’m being a modern woman. Like Carrie Bradshaw with a less impressive shoe collection. Using my vagina the way it was intended to be used — by a super hot vagina wizard.”

She broke out laughing just as a knock rapped. The door opened, and West walked in.

My brother was apparently a dreamboat, per every hetero girlfriend I’d ever had. He was well over six feet of long and lean, with blue eyes like mine. We didn’t look all that much alike, weirdly — he had the stature of our dad and the coloring of our mom, while I looked the opposite — just like my mom but blond like my dad. He’d been living in New York for six years, and in that time, he’d grown a beard, a man bun, and an affinity for flannels and oxfords.

“Hey,” West said with a smile. “What are you two giggling about?” He walked across the room and bent to lay a kiss on Lily’s lips.

“You don’t want to know,” she answered and stretched to kiss him once more.

“Hey, Mags.” West took a seat next to me at the table. “I’m glad you’re up. Brought you something.” He pulled what looked like a pink flashlight out of his pocket and handed it to me.

I set my fork down and took it, curious. “Why are you giving me a flashlight?”

He chuckled. “It’s a Taser.”

I huffed. “I have mace. I don’t need a Taser. I’m not together enough to walk around with something this dangerous. With my luck, I’ll accidentally tase an old lady asking for directions or something.”

“You’ve been running around the city without one for long enough. Don’t fight me on it — just put it in your purse and thank me for looking out for you.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Just do it and I’ll shut up.”

I gave him a look. “Thanks, West.”

“You’re welcome.” He smiled, looking smug. “What are you doing today?”

“Hitting the pavement. Or internet, as it were. I figure that should take up a good chunk of the day.”

He sat back in his seat and hung an arm on the back of Lily’s chair. They looked so good together, like they belonged on the cover of a magazine. “Where all are you applying?”

“Some elementary schools and a handful of charity reading outreach programs. There’s one in particular that works with kids who live in homeless shelters. I wouldn’t get paid, but it would be so rewarding. I just can’t imagine the life those kids live, not after growing up with a stable family in the suburbs.”

“God,” Lily said, eyes wide. “You don’t always think about how many homeless kids there must be in the city.”

“I know. I read on one website that there are more than twenty-five thousand homeless kids in the New York Metro area. It’s crazy. A lot of them live in community houses with their families as they try to get back on their feet. I think I’d really enjoy it, bringing books into their lives.” I sighed and scooped a bite of eggs onto my fork. “I can afford to volunteer for the summer, maybe see if there’s something I can do with them on a long-term scale. And in the meantime, I’ll keep looking for a teaching job for next school year.”

“Sounds like a solid plan,” she said.

West eyed me. “Sounds dangerous.”

I rolled my eyes. “God, you’re the worst, Weston. I’m a grown-ass woman armed with pepper spray and a hot pink Taser. I’ll be fine. I’ll be at the shelters during the day with a million other people. Anyway, I don’t even have the job yet, so just leave me be.”

He made a face and folded his arms across his chest. “You don’t even know how to use the Taser yet.”

I picked it up and inspected it. “How hard could it be? Push this zap button.” I pressed it, and it crackled so loud, I jumped. My eyes widened, watching the electricity snap between the prongs. I let the button go. “Yeah, I’m betting that alone will run off the rapists.”

Lily snickered. “He makes me carry one too, you know. He bought it for me years ago.”

I gave my head a shake in commiseration. “He is so overbearing.”

West’s eyes narrowed. “He just doesn’t like to think about his girls walking around New York without him.”

Lily patted his forearm and leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I think it’s sweet.”

“Thank you.”

“And a little pushy—”

He frowned.

“—but sweet.”

He sighed. “Are you about ready to go?”

She shoveled her last bite into her mouth and hopped up. “Sure am. Let me grab my bag.”

West stood and pushed in his chair. “Good luck today, Mags. Let me know how it goes.”

“I will. Cross your fingers for me.”

Lily beamed as she walked back in with her bag, and I watched them clasp hands and look into each other’s eyes, smiling like there was no one else in the world but the two of them. I was somehow elated for them and filled with jealousy all at the same time.

Lily smiled over at me. “Have a great day. I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

I sighed and smiled back, feeling tired out of nowhere. I picked up my coffee. “Sounds good.”

They waved over their shoulders as they left the apartment, which was suddenly very, very quiet. And I was very, very alone.