“But it’s not so sad as someone dying.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re not grieving. You’re mourning the relationship. It’s the future you constructed that died, and in the end, you still lost someone you love.”

I took a breath and picked up my drink, blinking back tears. “So how do I get closure? What do I have to do? Because there has to be something. I can’t just sit around waiting for another meltdown.”

Rose shook her head. “If you don’t find a way to shut him down once and for all then it’s definitely going to happen again.”

“What do I even tell him? I obviously don’t want to be with him. I don’t want to try again. I don’t want to hear what he has to say. What if he begs? What if somehow he convinces me … tells me … what if I…”

“Go back to him?” Lily asked. “I don’t think you’d do that. Do you?”

“I honestly don’t even know right now. I don’t trust myself, not with him and not with Cooper, and for entirely separate reasons.” I took a drink, almost killing it. Rose reached for it, and I waved her off.

Lily brought a knee up. “And what reasons are those?”

“I’m afraid Jimmy will convince me to come back, and I’m afraid to care about Cooper.”

“It might be too late for that,” Rose said.

“Might be. But I’m scared I’ll make it worse. I don’t want to hurt him.”

“Might be too late for that, too,” Lily added.

“Which is exactly why I walked away from him today. I can’t be responsible for someone else’s feelings right now, not when I can’t even deal with my own.”

Rose sighed. “This sucks.”

“Tell me about it.” I tipped my drink back until it was gone and set the glass on the table. “So, I’ve got to talk to Jimmy.”

Lily shrugged. “Doesn’t seem like he’s going anywhere. Ghosting him isn’t really an option. And anyway, ghosting is for pussies.”

“Ghosting?” I asked.

She pushed her hair over her shoulder. “Yeah, you know, when someone just disappears out of your life? Like they vanish, stop texting, unfollow you on social media. It’s basically a way for people to puss out of dealing with their relationships by running away instead of facing the other person and explaining themselves. You’re better than that. You can face him. Let him beg. You’re not going to forget what he did to you. You won’t forget the hurt. But you can close the door so you can move on.”

I nodded, staring into the amber liquid in my glass. “I’m going to have to prep myself for this. Hard.”

“Well,” Lily said with a smile, “luckily you have all the time you need. And you have two friends armed with an offensive sense of humor and lots and lots of alcohol.”

I chuckled. “Well, if that’s waiting for me at the end of all this, then maybe I’ll be okay.”

“Oh, you’ll definitely be okay,” she said, and part of me actually believed it was true.

GIVE AND TAKE

Maggie

IT HAD BEEN A LONG day.

I walked out of Susan’s office that afternoon, dragging myself though the shelter like a dead woman. I’d come in on my day off, not wanting to be alone with my thoughts. I wanted to work, focus, put my heart into lesson plans and prepping crafts for the kids. So, in an attempt to be productive, I’d been cutting pipe cleaners and yarn, tracing shapes onto construction paper and organizing the new supplies Catherine sent over.

God knew what I’d have been doing if I’d been home alone. Probably crying at The Notebook and eating Tootsie Rolls, which actually sounded fantastic. Plan for the night: acquired.

I walked into the empty office, my brow dropping as I approached the table where I’d been working. I didn’t see my bag where I’d left it, not after circling the table or digging through my big plastic bin of supplies in the hopes that I’d somehow lost my mind and put it in there. No bag — not on the ground, not on any of the chairs. My heart beat faster as I opened the cabinets, checked under every desk, in every corner.

It was gone.

I knew I hadn’t left it anywhere else, but I flew through the building all the same, checking the common rooms before blowing through the halls, into the kitchen. Brian stood behind the gigantic flat top with about thirty chicken breasts sizzling in front of him.

His brow dropped when he saw me. “Hey, Maggie. You okay?”

“No,” I heard the tremor in my voice. “I can’t find my bag, not anywhere. Have you seen it? It’s dark brown leather, a messenger bag?”

He called over another volunteer to take his place at the flat top before heading over to me. “We’ll find it. I’m sure it’s here somewhere.”

I nodded and followed him out of the room. Susan had left for the day, so we searched everywhere together, and my panic grew with every minute. Everything I needed — all the things I used every single day — it was all in that bag. My phone. Keys. Books. Wallet. At least I’d left my laptop at home. I stood in the middle of the office as we checked it for the fourth time, watching Brian pull out a desk to look behind it.

“It’s not here,” I said softly. “Someone took it.”

He looked over his shoulder at me as he scooted the desk back. “Maybe it’ll turn up.”

“Sure, maybe.”

He walked over to me, stepped close. “Is there anyone we can call?”

There was only one number beside my parents’ that I knew by heart — my brother’s. And that I-told-you-so would be bitter and harsh. I wasn’t equipped to deal with that, not today, not in that moment. So, I shook my head and gave him a weak smile. “I don’t know anyone’s number. They were all in my phone, and my phone was in my bag.”

He nodded with decision. “Let me get you home. I’ll catch us a cab and ride with you to make sure you can get into your apartment. Is anyone there to let you in?”

I glanced at the clock — it was almost five. Lily was still at work, and West was at school. Rose and Patrick may or may not be home. There was no way to know, and if I went all the way over there with nothing, and no one was there, I didn’t know what I’d do.

But there was one person who I knew was probably home.

“I have a friend who lives a few blocks away, and he has a key. I’ll start there.”

His brow was low. “I don’t know. Are you sure you’ll be okay? I don’t like the idea of you walking around Manhattan without a phone or money. Can I at least give you some cash?”

I waved a hand. “I’ll be fine. If no one’s home, I’ll come back here and take you up on your offer.”

He pulled out his wallet. “No, I insist. If you’re not going to let me get you home, at least take this.” He handed me a twenty. “It would make me feel a lot better to know you could at least get a cab.”

I sighed. He was right. I took the twenty and folded it, slipping it into my pocket. “Thank you, Brian. Really.”

“I’m sorry that this happened. I’ll talk to Susan, see if we can’t figure out what’s going on.”

“All right. I should get going while it’s still light out.”

“Listen, when you get home, find a phone and text yourself from the number you want me to call, just in case we find it.”

“Okay. Thanks again.”

“Sure thing,” he said. “Come back if you need anything. I’ll be here for a few more hours.”

I walked out of the room and out of the building, feeling lost, naked. Alone. I never set foot out of my apartment without the things in that bag, and now I was walking through the city with nothing but a twenty dollar bill in my pocket and the clothes on my back. Walking toward Cooper’s house.