So the clock ticked on, counting down the moments before the magic would end. And when the time came, I packed up my things and walked the blocks to his apartment. Rode up the elevator and knocked on his door. And if my heart could have felt, it would have broken.

Cooper

An entire day of elation, a weekend that changed my life, a month that had opened my heart — it was all washed away when I opened my door and saw Maggie.

She looked small, grey and dull everywhere except her eyes. Her eyes were on fire.

Alarms rang as I watched the curves of her face, looking for answers, knowing what she felt without her needing to say a word. But I asked her anyway, afraid to move.

“What’s wrong?” My voice was tight. My heart was tighter.

“Can I come in?”

“Of course.” I pulled open the door and stepped out of the way, and she walked past me, into my apartment.

I closed the door, barely able to hear over my pulse rushing in my ears. Her hands were clasped in front of her, fingers twisted together, flexing like they did when she was nervous or scared. I didn’t speak, just waited until she was ready.

I was the king of waiting.

Her words were soft — she wouldn’t look at me. “I’m sorry, Cooper.”

My heart stopped, starting again like a kick drum. “Why are you sorry? What happened?”

She shook her head. “I … I came home to a package from Jimmy. A letter. I thought I was ready to do this, but I’m not, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was careless, I just … this weekend … I was just so caught up in you. But Jimmy’s not gone. And that’s not fair to you.”

“Do you still love him?” My voice was rough.

The honesty in her eyes hurt almost as bad as the words themselves. “I don’t know. I don’t know how to let go of him … I’ve never even really tried. I just ran away. But I can’t run away anymore.”

I couldn’t speak.

“I’m broken, Cooper. I thought I was ready, but I’m not. I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t know what else to do but take some time to sort through it all.”

I hung onto a sliver of hope. I could give her time. I’d give her anything she wanted. “I’m here, Maggie, and I’m not going anywhere. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I’m here.”

She took a shuddering breath with her eyes on the ground. All I wanted in the universe was to pull her into my arms and hold her. I just loved her too much to do it.

She shook her head, her eyes on her fingers. “Cooper, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

A tear slipped down her face, and I stepped toward her, chest aching as I cupped her cheek, urging her to look at me.

“Hey,” I whispered. “Maggie, you didn’t do anything wrong. Do you hear me?”

Her eyes were bright and open when she met mine. “I wanted to be okay. I wanted everything to be fine. I thought it was, but it’s not.”

“It will be. I promise.” I kissed her forehead, and she leaned into me.

“I should go,” she said softly.

I knew she didn’t want to, but I stepped back anyway, let her go. Watched her walk away, not knowing if she’d ever come back to me.

Maggie

The only time I’d felt alive all day was when I was there, with him.

I’d wanted to stay. I’d wanted to fall into his arms where I was safe. But he wasn’t safe with me. I’d been selfish enough.

The second I walked away, the fire in my heart turned to ash, blowing through me. Empty.

Time was stretched out and strange as I made my way home through the park at dusk, the sky golden, the trees green and rustling from the wind. Fallen blossoms skated and spun across the path in whirls and currents before flying away.

My mind was everywhere and nowhere as I walked the path, then the blocks to my building and up the stairs. And when I opened the door, I found Rose and Lily waiting for me, sitting at the kitchen table with drinks.

Lily’s blond hair was loose, her blue eyes soft. “Hey. You okay?”

I set down my bag. “No.”

“As suspected. Whiskey or gin?”

I cracked a smile. “Whiskey.”

Lily motioned to the Maker’s on the table. “You heard the woman, Rosie.”

I felt the slightest bit better and took a seat as Rose poured drinks.

“So, here’s the deal,” Lily said with a smile. “We can talk about it, or we can not talk about it. We can get piss drunk, or we can stay sober. You’re the boss.”

I took a deep breath, thinking about it. “Let’s start with this and see where we end up.”

Rose passed the drinks out and raised her glass. “Fuck it.”

“Fuck it.” Lily and I added and clinked our glasses together.

We all took drinks, and Lily and Rose turned to me.

I shook my head. “I’m not ready to talk about it. Y’all tell me what’s going on with you.”

Lily nodded. “Well, nothing exciting here. I was at the theater all weekend and hung out with West.”

“How’s everything at work?” I took a sip of my whiskey, comforted by the sweet burn.

She shrugged. “Same. It’s bittersweet because Swan Lake is over. That was exhausting. Amazing, but exhausting.”

“Blane still behaving himself?”

“As well as he can, I guess. He’s been professional, which is all I really need. I have to admit though, it’s fun watching him chase after Nadia because she is one hundred percent done with him.”

Rose shook her head. “I still can’t believe you’re friends with that c-bag.”

Lily shrugged. “I don’t know. I get her, I guess. We survived Blane together.” She leaned forward, smiling. “She’s started dating another dancer, and Blane is so bitchy about it. He does to Aaron what Nadia used to do to me, like stand across the room and try to set them on fire with his eyeballs.”

I chuckled and took a drink, feeling almost normal. “How about you, Rose?”

She twisted her black hair into a knot and shook out her bangs. “Just sleep and work. I skateboarded through the park today. I swear, it’s the one thing I miss about LA. I didn’t have to go out of my way to skate. I could just hop on my board and take off. No one skates in New York. Too many people.” She narrowed her eyes. “Okay, two things I miss. Flip flops.”

Lily laughed. “Yeah, you don’t wear those in New York unless you want foot herpes. I mean, in the subway? Ew.”

Rose sighed and shook her head. “I used to have a permanent flip flop tan line.”

“Do you ever miss it?” I asked.

She bobbled her head, her dark eyes on her drink as she picked it up. “Sometimes. I miss my friends more than I do actually living there. Like, I don’t miss the traffic. New York is easy like that. Get where you need on the train without having to sit on the 405 for two hours on a Saturday to make it twenty miles.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Lies. Manhattan is convenient, but only for other stuff in Manhattan. It’s like when you meet someone who lives in Brooklyn. They may as well live in Japan.”

Rose conceded with a nod and a gesture with her glass.

“Is it really that far?” I asked, feeling like a noob.

“No,” Lily answered, “it’s not. That’s what makes it so ridiculous.”

“New York is funny that way.” I said. “Like, I hate that the subway doesn’t run east to west through the park, only north to south. What’s that all about? Getting to the East Side is such a pain in the ass.”

Rose pulled her legs into lotus. “I mean, the park is only three blocks wide, so it’s not a huge deal.”

I took a sip of my drink. “No, but to get from here to the shelter takes way longer than it should. I’ve been walking because the weather is so great right now, but what if it’s raining? What about in the winter when it’s cold, or snowing? I mean, me in snow is a whole other issue all together.”

Lily raised her glass. “We should write a strongly worded email to the transit authority.”