“I know. We’re just worried about you is all.”

“Well, I’m not blind.”

“Do you really think you can keep your feelings out of it?”

“I have been so far.”

“But you like him?” she prompted.

“I like him, and he rocks my ladybits.”

“And he likes you?”

“He seems to. Sometimes he just … I don’t know. He looks at me and I feel like he sees me. But Rose — he is seriously the worst idea ever. If you knew him, you would lose your shit and tell me I’m making a terrible mistake, and that’s exactly why I agree. Getting involved would be a mistake.”

“I mean, as long as you’ve got it under control.”

“Whatever that is.” I sighed and spun my phone around on the table absently. “Moving here was a clean start, all right. I can pretend nothing before I moved here ever happened. Like it was all a bad dream, or fiction. The story of a girl I used to know. Do you know what I mean?”

Rose’s eyes were bright and open. “I do. Do you think about Jimmy a lot?”

“I think I’m somewhere between hurt and denial. Like, sometimes I’ll see something or think of something I want to share with him before I remember what he did. The rest of the time, I just pretend like he doesn’t exist. I don’t quite know how to face it, and I wonder if I ever will.”

“Facing it is probably inevitable. Something will happen, and the pressure valve will blow. It happens to the best of us, especially those of us who avoid, and it’s never pretty.”

I nodded, trying to imagine what would happen and dreading it. “It’s gonna be bad, Rose.”

“Probably. But you’ve always got us.”

She smiled at me and picked up her bagel. I found comfort in knowing that it was true — Rose and Lily would be there if I fell apart. And I hung on to the hope that maybe, just maybe, enough time would pass that it would fade away into my past without enduring any more pain.

Cooper

Habits was packed for a Monday, and the drinks had been flowing for long enough that everyone was rosy-cheeked and laughing. Everyone had shuffled around to talk, leaving Maggie and me on the edge of the group, pretending to ignore each other.

Astrid hooked her arm in Maggie’s and smiled, bringing a joke home with a punchline that had the girls all laughing. Astrid had gone way out of her way to talk to Maggie all night, hanging near her. I’d caught them nearly whispering to each other, Maggie nodding, Astrid with her hand on Maggie’s arm, the two of them smiling. Between their truce and my cell phone purge, I hoped she wouldn’t worry so much anymore.

I just wanted her to believe me. The thought that she didn’t drove me crazy.

Something else that drove me crazy: the fact that almost every man in the bar was watching her.

There was one in particular, at a high table with his friends, almost directly in my line of sight. I watched him talk to his friends, the three of them eyeing the group, and I knew he was going to try to talk to her at some point. I caught his eye once and held it, hoping it was enough to keep him away. But I knew the chance was slim. There was no indicator that we were together — Maggie and I hadn’t touched, had barely looked at each other, even though she was all I could think about.

I’d been almost silent all night. Everyone else was too drunk to notice, thankfully. But Maggie knew, and she knew why. And I knew she felt the same.

I was ready to drag her out of the bar the first minute I saw her. Her dress was simple — short, soft peach and loose with small lace detailing. The thin straps left much of her back exposed, the creamy skin begging to be touched, low enough to know she wasn’t wearing a bra.

The knowledge didn’t help my efforts to keep my hands off of her.

Her admirer stood up, and my eyes narrowed as he wove around everyone with his eyes on Maggie. I took a long sip of scotch and leaned back against the bar with my jaw ticking.

He was about my height and build, with blond hair and tan skin. A decent looking guy, so naturally, I wanted to hit him. He stopped next to her, and I resisted the urge to step between them.

I couldn’t quite hear what he was saying, which somehow made it even more unbearable. When she laughed at something he said, I almost lost my shit. Astrid’s eyes laughed as they bounced between Maggie, the intruder and me. I broke my gaze to glance at West, whose jaw was set as he watched.

She touched his shoulder, and I slammed my drink. Everyone else in the group was still talking, Rose and Lily giggling about something, though Patrick was watching West.

The intruder smiled before walking away, and Astrid leaned in to whisper in Maggie’s ear. She laughed, her cheeks pink, eyes darting over to me. She nodded and whispered something back.

West seemed placated and turned back to Lily, and everyone was preoccupied again, talking amongst themselves. No one was watching us, and I couldn’t take it anymore.

Maggie pressed against me as someone squeezed behind her to get to the bar, and her fingers curled against my leg like she wanted any reason to touch me.

I turned my head like I was looking behind her. “Meet me in the bathroom. Don’t make me wait.”

I stood and set my glass on the bar behind me, hitching a thumb over my shoulder when West jerked his chin at me in question. He smiled and turned back to Lily, and I looked down at Maggie. The small curve of her lips said she’d be right behind me.

I weaved my way through the bar and into the men’s restroom to scope it out with my pulse thumping. The stalls were empty, and there was just one guy at a urinal, so I washed my hands and walked out, leaned against the wall in the hallway and waited. He left, and another guy walked back.

I put up a hand. “You may not want to go in there. It’s flooded.”

He eyed me. “That bad?”

“It looks look like somebody threw lamb vindaloo all over the walls.”

He made a face.

“Yeah. You don’t want naan of that.”

“Thanks,” he said, not even laughing at my pun before turning and leaving again.

Maggie rounded the corner a second later, and I smiled and jerked my head as I pushed the door open, laying a hand on the small of her back as we ducked into the bathroom. I grabbed her hand and pulled into the far stall, pressing her against the tiled wall in a breath, not giving her a moment to speak, needing her lips — lips I’d been thinking about every minute since I’d walked into Habits. Lips I was always thinking about.

I picked her up, keeping her back against the wall as she wrapped her legs around my waist. My hands slipped up her bare thighs to her ass, fingers splayed against the purple panties I’d ask her to wear.

She smiled up at me. I leaned back, pinning her against the wall with my hips as I lifted the hem of her dress to get a good look.

My fingers trailed up her thigh. “What did he say to you?” I rolled my hips, pressing my length against her.

Her voice was ragged. “He wanted to buy me a drink.”

I cupped her cheek and ran my thumb across her bottom lip. “And what did you say?”

“I told him I wasn’t thirsty.”

“Good.” I took her mouth, my lips crashing against hers as I slipped my tongue into her mouth, demanding her attention as my mind cycled a single word, over and over.

Mine.

The bathroom door opened, and I broke away when I heard West and Patrick.

Maggie’s eyes were wide, swollen lips gaping. I laid a finger on them, mouthing Shh before laying kisses along her jaw and neck.

West was drunk, talking too loud, going on about the ramifications of power and ambition using Macbeth as an example.

Maggie was tense against me, but I just kept kissing her, soothing her, all while my heart raced, hoping to God they were too drunk to realize they weren’t alone. Seconds later, they were washing their hands, and we heard the rise and fall of the crowd in the bar as the door closed behind them.