Izzy and I never talked about it, but we knew what went on in the next room. We knew our mother didn’t go into a room with three guys to sleep. It wasn’t the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last.

“I hate it when she does that,” I whispered to Izzy while we pretended to be asleep. Brice flipped a needle in the air while my mom held out her arm. Instantly, her head fell back and she sucked in a deep breath.

“Fuck, yeah,” she called out.

“It’s okay, Gabby. We’ll leave in the morning. She said so. She promised.” Izzy held my hand and I held hers, never taking my eyes off my mom. Ten minutes later, and all three guys were touching her. She let them. She even kissed them on the lips with opened mouths and all.

One of the guys put his hands inside her pants and she moaned, but only for a second. She made him stop long enough to take them to the bedroom. Away from Izzy and me.

I closed my eyes and tried not to hear the noises. Try not to focus on what I knew went on behind the closed door. What Izzy knew. This wasn’t our first go-around, but it would be our last.

One of the guys started yelling and we knew it was at our mom.

“What the fuck are you doing? Get in here!”

“Dude, get the fuck in the window,” another one said. That one was Brice.

“Yo, get in here kids,” the skinny guy said from the door. “Your mother’s gone whacko, can’t handle her drugs.”

We both got up and walked to the man closing his fly.

“Mom! What are you doing? Stop. You’re scaring us,” Izzy yelled, feet flying toward the fire escape behind the window.

I didn’t go to her. I stood back, seeing my mother balance herself naked on the metal railing. My heart pounded out of my chest and tears formed behind my eyes.

“Mom! Come in here. Please!” Izzy begged.

“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay, Clydes. This isn’t the end. There’s more after this. This is only a hint, an experience in a human body.”

“Mom, please,” Izzy pleaded, tears streaming down her face. Brice stopped her when she tried to climb out, too. I still didn’t move. I couldn’t. My feet stayed planted while I watched my mom, arms out to her sides, balancing on a thin bar. Naked as a jaybird, and crazy in her head.

The rest is a permanent implant, tattooed in my brain. Her right foot went first, and for a quick second, I thought she recovered. She fell, one leg catching on the bar. Her hands caught the ledge, but she didn’t hold on. She let go. Her fingers straightened out as if she’d done it on purpose and she let go. She let go. She let go.

 

~~

I sat straight up in bed, my heart beating out of my chest. Adrenaline pumped ferociously through my veins. My mouth was completely dry, and I could feel the dampness covering my entire body. Deep breaths in and out slowly calmed my panicky condition.

The clock read four in the morning, but I knew there was no going back to sleep for me. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I got up and slipped my arms through my robe. I used the bathroom and splashed water on my face while I tried to calm my nerves. It was so real. So right there. All the reactions, the feelings, the visions, they were all so real. So raw.

I walked out to my patio, but didn’t get what I needed from the ocean. I didn’t feel safe at all. Not in the least. The ocean was mammoth, powerful, dark, and full of emotion. Like me. I really didn’t think much about it. I just did it. I walked back inside and right up the steps. My knuckles raised to the door, but then I stopped. I tried the doorknob instead, turning it in my hand.

“Pax,” I whispered.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I had a bad dream,” I whispered again as I stepped closer toward his bed.

“You’re fucking kidding. Tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m not. Can I lay in bed with you?”

“No, Gabriella. We don’t do that. And stop calling me Pax. I’m not going to tell you again,” he assured me. He would because I would forget again, or maybe I didn’t care.

“Please,” I begged in a soft, desperate tone.

“Oh, my God. Get in here.” Paxton raised the covers and my robe fell to the floor. I crawled in. Right to his chest with my back. I didn’t really give him a choice, I wrapped his arm around me myself. And for whatever reason, I felt safe. Safe in the arms of a man who didn’t want me there. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

“What was your dream about?” Paxton asked in my hair.

“My mom. What do you know about her?”

“Nothing. You told me you’ve been in foster care since you were eleven. I think she died, but you never told me how.”

“Because you don’t want to know, right?”

“Yes, exactly. I only cared that you were one-hundred-percent mine. That’s it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t want someone with a family getting in my way.”

“In the way of you controlling me?”

“You signed up for this. You wanted this. You knew what this was. It’s not my fault that you forgot all of that.”

“Okay.” That was my simple reply. I didn’t want to do that at this moment. I wanted to feel safe. That’s it. Feel like I belonged somewhere. As wrong as it was, that somewhere was in Paxton’s arms.

“Okay, you’re going to do as you’re told?”

“Yes, I’m going to try.”

Chapter Fourteen

 

 

“Gabriella, wake up,” I heard in my ear at the same time I felt the pinch on my nipple. I pushed Paxton’s hand away and tried to roll over.

“Uh-uh. Wake up. I’ve got something for you.”

The poking in my ass was a dead giveaway. I knew what he had for me. I mumbled something about needing sleep, to no avail.

“Come on. Get down here and wake me up.”

“Down where?”

“Here,” he directed with a hand behind my head. With his help, I lifted it and moved between his legs. I was never coming to him after a bad dream again. Dick.

That was how my morning started. I gave Paxton a blowjob, hoping I would be rewarded for good behavior. Paxton laid there relaxed, hands above his head, eyes closed. Once in a while he’d moan, or shove my head down and his dick in. For the most part, he just laid there and let me do the work. I knew I wouldn’t be getting my turn when he directed me to roll to my back and move down.

I laid on my back, face side up and he mounted me. His upper body was held up by his elbows, and his knees held his hips. Surges of endorphins went straight to my throbbing sex, and I thrived on the rush, as Paxton moved into my mouth

Paxton pumped hard, in and out, toying with me until he halted his movements, shuddered above me, and left his ecstasy in the back of my throat. Just like that, he was finished. I wasn’t rewarded for shit. Not even close.

“I’ll have bacon and eggs,” he said as he slid out of my mouth and walked to his bathroom. Fucker.

I sat up and looked at the closed bathroom door with a sigh. The pulsating between my legs tamed as I looked around Paxton’s room. He had good taste, or I did. I liked the sea-blue stripes behind the bed. The silver accents with pearl white furniture. I walked toward his balcony and opened the door, taking an instant breath of fresh air. The ocean still looked just as powerful, but with more beauty, unlike the night before. It didn’t feel dark at all. Not even when my eyes focused miles out. Where the blues and green turned black. That view was even better than mine. A few feet in the air made a world of difference.

I smiled when I saw Paxton’s chair facing the one I sat in all the time on the first floor. There would have been no way I would have known he was there, staring at me while I took it all in. The vast sea, the sun kissing the ocean, or the bright moon, hovering above.