His name displays on the screen and it grips my heart. I want to cry. How long have I longed for his name to show up? That he would be calling me, I just wish it was under different circumstances. I have no idea if he can ever forgive me now. The anger and venom in his voice sickened me to the point of feeling alone all over again. After finally making it out of the darkness, I’m afraid of being pushed back inside. Only this time, I don’t have the energy to fight it.

Biting my lip, tears hit the screen of my phone as I hold it in my hands. Once again, I press…ignore!

Micah

WHERE THE HELL is Elsa? She’s ignoring all of my calls and text messages. My damn fingers are sore from typing so much. I’m worried out of my mind but I screwed up. I never should have acted the way I did…not to her. It’s wasn’t right and I know directing my anger at her only hurt her more. I know it won’t excuse any of my behavior for earlier, hell, I knew it then, but I was so fucking mad. I couldn’t control myself. Holding my tongue was never a thing I was good at, especially when it came to my pretty girl.

Damn, finding the girl who stole my heart all of those years ago, had more of an effect on me than I expected. I spent years trying to forget her and what we had. I kept telling myself what my father had drilled into my mind. I was too young and just had my first real crush on a girl. I’d get over it. Like hell!

She was my first. My first after years of almost losing it multiple times. That is more than likely the reason I kept her in my heart. Every year after that and up until now simply refused to let me forget what Elsa Winters meant to me.

First day of school, this beautiful girl caught my eye. She wasn’t into cliques either, and what a relief that was. The school was full of piranhas, trying to sink their teeth into me. Hell, not one of them had an ounce of what my pretty girl had. Elsa had more class in her pinkie finger than those girls had in their whole bodies. She was too sweet to realize what a gem she really was.

From day one she caught my eye and has held my attention since. The other’s tried like hell to land me, it was funnier than hell watching them attempt to score with me. It was Elsa’s pure beauty that made my heart rate spike and hands clammy. Most of my time was spent fighting to keep my damn hands off of her. She was that irresistible.

With her I had to go slow as not to spook her, I could tell she was a virgin right away. She blushed so damn easy. Man, when she blushed, my dick took notice. I’d had to adjust myself so often around her, she had to think I had a serious problem. Made me laugh though, if she only knew what kind of problem I had…well I’m sure she would have blushed even more or at least run away.

When I finally convinced her to have study dates with me they were more or less an excuse just to be close to her. I came up with more reasons why I needed her help. If she knew I didn’t need the help, she might have slapped me silly. She was always so proud of herself when she learned of my test scores. Her face would light up with excitement and the high five’s she gave me afterward, well, let’s just say I’d do it all over again. She had a way about her that sucked you in, and made you beg for more. Her sweetness and honesty, damn, just thinking about her still drives me crazy.

I let things get out of hand though; I was getting in too deep with her. Instead of shutting my mouth to my father, I let my feelings for her be known. Even if I hadn’t said anything, my parents saw right through me. The not so friendly stares grew into long frustrated talks about planning my life and making sure I was on track to meet and exceed my potential. It all started with the Air Force. My life was all mapped out for me, like my father and his father’s before.

Once I waivered in my response to one of my dad’s questions, that was all it took for him to set my path in motion earlier than I had expected. The one day I’d planned on taking a different course with my life, was the day I’d made my first mistake. At the time, I wanted a life with Elsa. The Air Force would have to wait, or not happen at all. I was okay with it, I wanted my girl by my side…always.

Dad, not wanting any of it, had sat me down the day after my amazing night with Elsa. Our first time was beyond fantastic, it was earth moving. Damn, her body was perfect. I can still remember the way she quivered as my body took hers. The way we moved in perfect fucking harmony took my breath away.

Early the next morning, I was informed I would be privately tutored to get my last few credits I needed so I could graduate early. Then and only then, I’d be ready for the Air Force Academy. My father, who had friends in high places, pulled a few strings, and the rest is history. I’d receive my education while I was stationed in Seattle, Washington. Hell, I had no idea how he accomplished this plan of his, but he was a smug bastard. He’d move mountains if need be. My only job was to NOT to disgrace the family name. The Taylor name meant something in the Air Force. Knowing I had zero choice in the decision to go, I sucked it up. What else could I do?

Forced into leaving, there was no way in hell I could see Elsa, not now. How could I? I would only end up breaking down and crying in front of her. For a young man going into the military, crying was a sign of weakness.

I knew the best thing was to limit my contact with her. For now. I would have Matt go and see her after I had left, and explain things to her. Maybe she would wait for me? I knew full well I couldn’t call her from halfway across the country and be able to maintain my focus on what I needed to do. Selfish or not, Elsa Winters would be a distraction for me, one I could not afford. My father drilled that shit deep in my mind so many times, I believed it myself.

Matt had gone to see her after I left, and her parents told him to leave. He had not seen her, and he told me to give her time. But, when he went back months later, he found out she left to visit her aunt. Then nothing, so I went on and did my service. I deployed for a short time, and I hated every minute of it. It was someone else’s dream, no longer mine.

I did my time and as soon as I could, I got out. Sure, my father was less than pleased I did not make it my career choice, but I eventually stopped caring what he wanted. He’s not me, and I am not him. Enough had been enough.

In all that time, I stopped using my damn name. I couldn’t stand for any female to call me Micah, it felt like a betrayal. That was how messed up I was. A buddy of mine, Marcus, started calling me Ace and it stuck. The endless girls calling me Ace was easier to live with. I screwed every girl I could, to try to erase her from my mind, but it never worked. I even had to close my eyes, dreaming of being inside the sweet little body that belonged to my pretty girl. Finally realizing no girl felt good anymore, I gave it all up. Cut out screwing easy girls, and just lived my life day to day. Maybe one day, I’d move on.

The day I finally got to come home it was like I’d hit the damn lottery. Five God damn long years had passed. Driving down our street, my first stop was her house. Overly excited at the chance of being this close to her again, I damn near couldn’t contain myself. Her parents could at least tell me where to find her. I couldn’t wipe the damn smile off my face the whole time running up to her front door. Her menacing looking father though was less than happy when he realized it was me at the door. Seemed leaving his daughter with little to no explanation was not a wise move on my part.