“You got it.”

“Oh, and we need chocolate. Muffins, bread, whatever.” I dismiss her with a wave of my hand.

She gives me a tight smile and nods curtly. What the fuck was that? They put me in this dictatorial position. They need to at least appreciate that my head was able to get into the game before checking my morning emails. Heath may have found me somehow and wanted to profess his undying love for me. I sigh. I’m a joke.

I huff out a breath and just as the two doggies looking for a bone start to yap more at me, I shut the door to my office for a short respite.

“Thank God I didn’t put my coffee down,” I say out loud to no one. I take a long gulp from the cup and let out a sigh of relief. Popping off the closed door, I head to my computer and boot it up. Flashes of Heath above, below, and all around me are like strobe lights in my mind. When was the last time I thought of a man this much after a mindless weekend of sex?

My mind went to Camden, the first man who ever taught me about this unconventional life. He was an older man by at least ten years, although I never truly got his age. It took quite a few months for me to quit looking him up and well, looking for him everywhere. That might have been the last time I was truly obsessed with a man. Heath was a lot like him in some ways. The way they were both so focused on me one hundred percent of the time. Not all the men I’d met on the weekends cared fully about my pleasure. Men tried to be considerate, of course, but once the jewelry and spa arrangements were made, it was no secret that I was in their domain, and that was something I thought about often. If there was a way that I might gain some control, even with the perks they afforded me, I had yet to figure it out. There I go with the word control again. It both scared and thrilled me at the same time.

The truth is, I enjoyed every moment of my time with Heath. Begging him when he asked me to. Letting him tie my arms to his bed, while sliding a vibrator into my pussy before he fucked my mouth. I came more times this past weekend than I could count. I thought heavily on the plane trip home, deciding the only place I need to regain and be in control is in my boardroom. If a man can do to me the things Heath did, then control will no longer be mine in the bedroom.

Camden wasn’t like that. Heath wasn’t like that either. They needed to know what else they could do to make sure I was in heaven.

Heaven.

I was in heaven all weekend and now, I was in a place of limbo. Fuck, I need to get my ass to work. After perusing my emails to find nothing from Heath or even Carl about a feedback session, a small knock came to my door. Annie popped her head in.

“Everything you requested is all set up and the guys are already in the conference room. If you want a chocolate chip scone, you might want to hurry.” She smiled. That was more like it.

“Okay, let’s do this,” I say, standing and flattening my skirt with my hands.

I walk into the conference room and close the door to the rest of the office and the rest of my world. I sit down with my two oldest friends and begin to listen to every element of Steel Charter that we can market. Quickly, I become Luca, the multi-millionaire co-founder of Divider Marketing. After all is said and done, I love my job and these guys. I can’t imagine working any place else or doing anything else.

Mitch begins to outline the tactics we will take the next afternoon when we met with Mr. C.I. Steel. Not recognizing his name, I grab my iPad from my briefcase and type in Steel Charter. A smiling photo of an older man in a bomber jacket looks back at me.  He looks so familiar, I think to myself. I tap the screen and zoom in on the photo, trying to place his face. A lover perhaps? He didn’t look like any of the men I had been with in the past few months.

As I reach for my Starbucks coffee, the floor falls out from underneath me as it finally hits me. C.I. Steel.

Camden. Older, more attractive, and obviously wealthy now.

Camden. The man looking back at me on the iPad screen was the person who made me who I am today.

Fuck. My. Life.

SIX

My quick exit from the conference room didn’t even registered with Mitch and Leo, who kept on talking like my life wasn’t on a cliff about to be tossed over to its ugly demise. I try for a full breath and fail.

Annie is sitting at her colleague’s desk when I make my way out of the conference room, and it looks as if they are having a little office gossip powwow. This only makes me feel sicker since I can’t tell my friend about Camden. She knows nothing, I think to myself. None of them know anything about the real person I am. She would never understand my panic if I tried to explain it to her.

No one will, except for Lola.

That weekend I spent with Camden was so damn beautiful, I couldn’t help telling someone about it when I got back to NYU. Lola had a few courses with me and people always got our names mixed up in class. We helped them along by becoming tight friends. It had been months since I talked to Lola, because she has been busy with her up and coming fashion business in Manhattan. It was nothing like Divider by any means when it comes to the levels we work on. Financially, they were in completely different leagues, but Lola’s family wealth helped her keep her business afloat and probably would for as long as she wanted.

After sending Annie an exasperated smile, I head to the ladies restroom, and pull my phone out of my coat pocket.

“Answer the damn phone, L,” I growl out.

“Hey bitch. What has it been – like fucking months?” Lola’s boisterous voice comes over the line.

“Months. Fucking months,” I shoot back. “I need you, Lola.”

I hear the phone rustling and the background noise that was there when I first called goes completely silent as Lola takes a deep breath.

“Speak to me.” Her tone is no bullshit, exactly what I need.

“Camden has an appointment with the guys and me tomorrow, L. Camden, the beautiful pilot that turned my life upside down. You remember him, right?” I am grasping into the past, hoping she remembers.

“Jesus, girl, how could I forget? You were obsessed with planes and airports for years. But wow, he’s actually going to be in your office?”

“Yes,” I hiss out. I place my palm on my forehead and wonder for a moment if I am coming down with a virus. Everything feels so hot and uncomfortable. I can’t get out of my own damn skin but I know the one thing that will help.

Heath’s face flashes through my mind and I am momentarily struck into some awareness of missing him again. But fuck, Camden is coming.

“Well, what do you want from him? Do you want to meander down memory lane with the guy?”

I think about the days I spent in bed with Camden and my mind flashes back to the things he did to my body, all brand new techniques to me at the time. He was simply incredible.

“I don’t know. I don’t even want to be in the meeting, Lola. I want to wear a wig, bottle cap glasses, and maybe some dentures.” I am flailing and I need a fucking grip.

Lola’s laughter bellows through the phone and I roll my eyes. Fucking great. I am having a freaking meltdown and my professional manhandling friend wants to make me her favorite comedian.

“I’m not laughing,” I maddeningly say.

“Right,” she coughs and clears her throat. “Of course you aren’t. Okay, so I think the whole dentures thing is quite frankly…a little diva dramatic. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an excellent story to tell the grandkids one day, but I’m imagining from your statement that you don’t want Camden to know who you are.”