“I envy you your friends,” she said.

Hearing that wistful note in her voice made Ted feel like a real ass about how he’d behaved over the past few years. “I’m sorry I wasn’t friendlier about letting you join us for coffee,” he said. “I had no idea just how bad it was at home, how a little...camaraderie might’ve helped.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“Still. I wish I hadn’t been so involved in what I was feeling.”

“Stop. I was busy getting what I deserved,” she said, doing her best to make a joke out of it. “Anyway, I shouldn’t have been so forward. I knew no one really wanted me there. It was just...”

“What?”

She squeezed her eyes shut. “God, I missed you so much!”

When she looked up again, she seemed as surprised as he was that those words had come out of her mouth, and immediately started backpedaling. “But of course I was married and you’d moved on. And it’d been so long. I was stupid to think we could ever be friends.” She caught herself again. “I mean...I hope we’re friends now. But...I’m talking about before.”

“You seem nervous,” he said with a grin. “Did you, by chance, reveal too much?”

“Maybe.” She scowled at him. “But it’s not funny. I wanted your forgiveness, okay? Are you happy now you’ve forced me to admit that?”

“I’m feeling pretty good about it, yeah.”

She rolled her eyes at the cocky tone he’d used. “Can’t you cut me some slack? I’m in an awkward situation here, working for someone who’s hated me for years.”

He grew serious. “I’m not sure hate’s the right word.”

“Then what is?” She started fiddling with the Band-Aids protecting her cuticles as if she wanted to get them off, and he moved close enough to stop her.

“Maybe it’s time I was honest, too.”

She pulled her hands away. “That’s okay. I’ve had more honesty than I can handle for one year. I know what you thought of me.”

“You might not know this.” He clasped her chin and tilted up her face. “I didn’t want you at coffee because...” When she stiffened as though bracing for a litany of her past sins, he slipped his hand around to the back of her head. “I was afraid I would forgive you.”

Her big blue eyes, so unsure of whom to trust these days, were riveted on his. “Would that have been so terrible?”

She’d been drowning in misery. Coming to Black Gold on Fridays was her way of searching for a lifeline, and he hadn’t thrown her one. But if he’d opened his heart at all...

“It would only have made me want you back,” he said and lowered his head to kiss her for the first time in nearly fourteen years.

Sophia knew better than to let that kiss go anywhere. She was too fragile to withstand the ups and downs of getting involved on such an intimate level, especially with Ted. He meant too much to her. Maybe once she got back on her feet, and recovered her emotional strength, she could handle something this powerful, this overwhelming. But not now. She had no hope of maintaining the relationship. What did she have to offer?

Nothing. Her confidence had been beaten to an all-time low, and she had so much work ahead to put her life back together. It was inevitable that she’d lose him again. But there was nothing tentative about what took hold of them the second they touched, no way to deny the raw desire that welled up and imbued that kiss with an urgency she’d never experienced before. Within seconds, they were clinging to each other as if that was the only way to weather the storm of sensation ripping through both of them.

“This is what I’m supposed to feel,” Ted breathed against her mouth.

She couldn’t say anything. She wasn’t even sure what he was talking about. Her thoughts were too jumbled. She had his hands on her body again at last, and they felt even better than she’d imagined through all the years with Skip. Ted’s touch, the familiarity of his taste and smell, made her feel like a weary traveler finally returning home.

“I’ve been trying to wait,” he said, pressing his forehead against hers with a groan. “I don’t want to push you. I know you’ve been through hell and you’re not out of it yet, but thinking of you out there in your bed alone has had me walking the floor at night.”

She’d had the same problem. But that didn’t change her situation. She was about to say that maybe his first instinct had been a good one, that maybe they should slow down and be cautious. She couldn’t handle a breakup in her current state, and any disruptions in her life would adversely affect Lex. She had to protect her daughter, which meant she was better off avoiding any path that might be too rocky.

But he managed to release her bra at that moment and the thudding of her heart drowned out the voice of reason. “I can’t hold back no matter what I think,” she whispered.

“Thank God.” He pulled off her sweater and the already unfastened bra, and tossed them aside.

The intensity of his expression and the single-minded purpose of his movements put goose bumps on Sophia’s flesh. She couldn’t believe it, but after all this time, Ted wasn’t angry with her anymore. She’d never thought she’d see this day but here it was—the day he wanted her again.

Or maybe she was dreaming. She’d dreamed of this so often....

“I’ve missed you, Sophia,” he murmured as his mouth moved down her neck. “I’ve wanted you for years.”

“Because I’m beautiful?”

He’d said something about her beauty while they were at the dealership, but compliments didn’t flatter her like they used to. She preferred to hear him say something about her personality. He didn’t.

“You are beautiful,” he said.

Perhaps there still wasn’t much else to admire. She’d been trying for years to become a better person, but trying wasn’t enough....

She couldn’t think about her faults right now, however. She couldn’t think of anything except Ted’s hands curling around her bottom and drawing her up against his arousal.

When she moved those hands to her bare breasts, his breathing grew ragged, his kisses more demanding. She didn’t expect him to pull back, but he did.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice as hoarse as it was imploring. “Is this okay?”

It wasn’t okay. It left her as naked emotionally as she would soon be physically, and that terrified her. She was in love with him, had never stopped loving him. That was the reason she should say no. No one had the power to hurt her like he did. But it was the strength of those emotions that made “no” so hard.

“It’s fine,” she murmured and managed a smile, afraid he’d let her go and walk away and she’d never even have the memory.

“Look what you do to me,” he said, holding out one hand.

He was shaking. That reassured her—to know she wasn’t the only one who felt as if she’d just stepped off a cliff. Maybe this would be okay; maybe they were in it together.

Or maybe she’d bitterly regret it. Regardless, seeing the effect she had on him made her want to press the throttle to the floor—to push him to the very edge of control.

“I want you even more now than I did when we were younger,” she told him, and it was true. Back then she’d taken it for granted that there’d always be another encounter, and another after that. But now...she’d had to go without his touch for so long that she knew what a gift these moments were.

“That never changed for me,” he admitted.

There was a fierceness, a possessiveness, in Ted’s lovemaking that created such excitement. The muscles of his back and shoulders bunched as he lifted her in his arms and placed her on the rug. She felt the heat of his gaze like a hot flame licking over her body as he stripped off the rest of her clothes.

“Should we go upstairs?” he asked, glancing at the tree as if he’d only now realized where they were.

Sophia couldn’t help it. She thought of Eve coming out of his room the morning after Halloween and shook her head. She couldn’t hold that relationship against him, not after what she’d done with Skip, but she wanted to be in a different place, her own place.