“Let us see what the naughty man has to say of your gown,” said Kat.

I did not need to be persuaded.

When he saw me approaching, the Admiral bowed ironically and my stepmother smiled at me.

“What has happened to the Lady Elizabeth?” said Thomas in a voice of wonder. “Do you see what she is wearing, Katharine? Do you allow your stepdaughter to dress up as a lady of mature years while she is yet a child?”

“Pray do not talk nonsense,” I said. “I am past fourteen.”

“Oh, is that so?” said Thomas, opening his eyes very wide. “I don't like the dress, do you, Katharine? Do you think it is a little er…revealing?”

Katharine said: “It is very becoming, Elizabeth. It does make you look older though. Thomas really likes it. He is only teasing.”

Only teasing! He came close to me and would have laid his hands on me, but I eluded him and went to my stepmother. I was suddenly a little frightened. There was a purpose in his eyes which alarmed me. Their brilliance was disconcerting; he put out his tongue a little and licked his lips. His eyes seemed to burn right through me.

“I wanted to know how you liked my gown,” I said, looking intently at my stepmother. “Kat, like you, thought it was becoming but a little too old for me.”

“I suppose she is right, dear,” agreed my stepmother. “But you have to grow up one day, don't you? Pray do not do so too quickly.”

“It is no use pleading with the Lady Elizabeth,” said Thomas. “She will have her own way, and if she says she will grow up quickly, she will endeavor to do so, unless…”

I regarded him coolly but my heart began to hammer against my bodice and I wondered if he noticed.

“Unless what, my lord?” I challenged.

He came close to me… There was a look of such intense desire in his gleaming eyes that I thought my stepmother must surely be aware of it. “Unless,” he said, “we stop her.”

I held my head high. I was enjoying this. I had rarely felt so excited and because my stepmother was present I felt safe.

“Pray do not attempt to do that,” I said.

Then he did an extraordinary thing. He took the jeweled dagger from his belt and, holding it up, pointed it toward me.

“Thomas!” cried my stepmother in amazement.

“This child must be taught a lesson. What say you, Katharine. Shall we allow her to command us, eh?”

I moved close to my stepmother. He approached and picking up my voluminous skirt he slit it from hem to waist.

There was a silence which seemed to go on for a long time. My stepmother and I were too astonished to move. Then I heard him laugh and he went on cutting my skirt. Then his hands were on the bodice. If he had attempted to cut that, he might have cut me. I felt his hands tugging at it and then it was torn down the front and it fell away from my shoulders. I was exposed in my petticoats.

“Help me, Katharine,” he said. “We will show this wayward daughter of ours. I am going to cut this gown into ribbons and nothing will stop me.”

The Queen was laughing. She said: “Oh Thomas, you take your games too far.”

“Come, Katharine, hold her,” he commanded.

She put her arms about me holding me tightly and I allowed myself to stand still while he finished his work on the dress. An irresistible excitement possessed me.

“You…you…” I panted. “You have ruined my dress!”

“And shown you what I feel,” he said. “We have done that, haven't we, Katharine?”

“You are such a boy, Thomas,” she said.

“You have ruined my dress,” I repeated in mock anger. “You will have to pay for a new one.”

“Most willingly and I will make sure that it is of my liking.”

I think my stepmother must have become aware of watching eyes from the window.

“Elizabeth,” she said, “you are half naked. You had better go in at once. What will they think?”

“They will think that I am a man who will have his way,” said Thomas, and I am ashamed to say that the ambiguity of his words was thrilling to me.

“Not with me,” I said; then realizing that my stepmother was right and I could not remain in the gardens thus, I turned away and ran across the lawns into the Palace.

Kat was waiting for me, agog with excitement. She had, of course, seen it all.

SOON AFTER THAT INCIDENT my stepmother told me that she was expecting a child. She was so happy but I felt a great pity for her as well as the tenderness she always aroused in me. I could not help wondering whether she was aware of the manner of man she had married. She did not appear to be, and it struck me that she deliberately closed her eyes to his true character. What did she think of his flirtation with me? She called it “teasing” as though it was the kind of behavior which was natural between an indulgent parent and a stepdaughter of whom he was fond. How could she have been so blind?

That disgraceful scene in the garden was the beginning of the change in our relationship. It was almost as though he was telling me that he had finished with the preliminary stages, the foreplay, of his courtship of me. He was clever; he knew that I was aware of his intentions and he also knew that my feelings for him were far from indifferent.

We were in a highly dangerous situation. If he reached the climax toward which he was moving, he would do more than endanger his marriage, he could commit a crime against the State. I was no longer merely the bastard daughter of the King. Under the late King's will, I was in line to the throne if anything happened to Edward, and if Thomas carried out his intention, which was surely seduction, that could be treason and he could lose his head. Did he know this? Of course he did, but danger was the breath of life to him. He was reckless by nature, ambitious and confident. What was he thinking of, besides seducing me? I was not so simple as to believe his plans did not go beyond that. To marry me? To share a throne with me? But he had a wife. Wives could be removed. I sometimes wished I did not possess such a logical mind.

What amazed me about myself was that knowing this … being fully aware of the ruthless ambition of this man, I could still be fascinated by him and want him to go on pursuing me.

I used to lie in my bed sometimes and think of him under the same roof.

Kat Ashley slept in my bedroom. I was glad of that, for much as I enjoyed these amorous skirmishes with him, I did not share his desire to bring them to the usual conclusion. I would preserve my virginity until I was absolutely certain that to relinquish it would not impede my climb to power. Therefore I needed protection from assault, and if I could be sure of that, I was very happy to continue with the game.

One early morning I was awakened by the sound of stealthy footsteps and the door of my bedchamber was slowly opened. Thomas! I thought and looked for Kat who was not there. She must be with my other ladies as it was nearly time for me to rise. I thought of running to the adjoining chamber but it was too late.

The bedcurtains had parted and Thomas stood there in his nightgown and slippers. He was smiling down at me. I gasped and sitting up pulled the bedclothes up to my chin.

“My lord,” I cried. “How dare you!”

“There is nothing I would not dare for the Lady Elizabeth,” he said.

“Go away. My ladies will see you.”

“They will see a fond stepfather coming in to say good-morning to his little stepdaughter.”

“Surely it is customary to dress in a fitting fashion before doing so.”

“Are you and I concerned with what is fitting, my adorable red-headed Elizabeth?”

“Go at once. I will not tolerate such…”

“Loving attention,” he finished. “And how will you stop me? Don't you think you have played your reluctant game long enough?”

“I do not understand you, my lord.”

“Then I will enlighten you.” And with that he leaped onto my bed and grasped me in his arms. He kissed me full on the lips in a manner which bewildered me, and I felt I ought to scream for help and yet…I did not want to. On the other hand I was afraid because I had no intention of letting any man dominate me.