I was rather pleased with that. It was my first real lesson in diplomacy.

I was looking forward with great excitement to the future.

SOON AFTER MY fourteenth birthday the household moved to Hunsdon. I was really finding life very stimulating. Learning was always a great pleasure to me and I spent a lot of time with my books, but there was a certain time for frolicking; and it was really a most unusual household because Thomas Seymour was part of it.

I was amazed at first to find that I could forgive him for his mercenary actions and for going at once to my stepmother when I had refused him. After all, I reasoned, he had asked me first. That, said my wiser self, was because you had the hope of a crown. You are not without means either.

No. But Katharine was richer, and he still asked me first, retorted the foolish romantic part of me.

I felt impatient with myself. That was Kat Ashley's reasoning.

The truth was that Thomas was an adventurer, a lovable, charming man but an adventurer. He watched me closely and sought opportunities for being with me. When he could, he would come upon me alone. That was what he liked best. He would touch my hair and comment on its brightness; sometimes his hand strayed to my throat. He was always ready to seize opportunities and I knew that if ever I gave him one he would take it with both hands. He wooed me in a way with his eyes and his gestures; and even when my stepmother was present he would keep up a bantering conversation—in which she would join—and I wondered why she could not see what his intentions were. He flirted blatantly with me and then he would pretend that I was only a child and that was why he behaved as he did; and she seemed to take that for truth. Fourteen is not too young for a girl to take a lover. That was what he wanted, I knew. That was his intention all the time.

Kat noticed it and giggled about it. She made whispered conspiratorial comments when we were alone. I really do believe that if I had been agreeable she would have helped me make clandestine arrangements with him. Kat wanted excitement all the time and she never gave any heed to what the consequences might be. As for myself I must admit that I was enjoying these situations. It occurred to me that it could not have been better. I did not want to marry and place myself in danger and possibly jeopardize my chances of taking the crown. What I wanted was to have all the fun of courtship without coming to the usual climax. In fact I wanted to be in a constant state of being wooed, and never won.

And this was what life was offering me.

Thomas enjoyed it too, for marriage was quite out of the question. Wasn't he married already? Unable to get the Princess, he had taken the Queen. He was enamored of me. There was no doubt of that. I supposed there must be some fascination in seducing a royal virgin for a man who has become blasé in his amours. He was always teasing me and he would make Katharine join in and she seemed to think it was delightful that her husband should be so fond of me. I was like a daughter, she said. In fact she had always thought of herself as my mother rather than my stepmother.

And so we went on during the autumn days of that year which had begun with the death of my father.

Jane Grey had become part of our household. She joined me in the schoolroom. I was not really jealous of her scholastic attainments. Mine were more than enough for any tutor to marvel at and Jane was inclined to hide her light under a bushel while I let mine blaze forth like the midday sun. It was true. Jane was quiet and retiring, almost apologizing for her very existence; whereas I was growing more imperious every day, blossoming under Thomas Seymour's admiration.

I was a little annoyed when he showed too much attention to Jane. He never actually flirted with her. Thomas was too clever for that. Jane might not have understood his meaning but she would have been horrified if she did. It seemed to me that Thomas showed a different side of himself to us all. He was the loving and tender husband to Katharine; he was benignly avuncular with Jane; and to me he was the reckless adventurer who was ready to risk everything for a smile—and more if he could get it—from me.

I laughed at him. I was very contented. I had become wise enough to know that this was the best way of enjoying his company.

Kat knew exactly why he wanted Jane Grey under our roof.

“She is destined for our little King,” she said. “Thomas will get his revenge on his brother who is putting forward his own daughter Jane. But it is our Thomas who has the King's ear and I'll swear King Edward will go the way Uncle Thomas wants him to.”

“He is a very scheming man,” I said severely.

“Bless him. Let him be. He's the most handsome gentleman at Court…or at any court, I might say. He is charming to all, and men like that should be forgiven their sins.”

Such a state of affairs could not continue. I should have known that. The Admiral was growing more and more reckless and I was becoming more and more fascinated. It surprised me that, loving my stepmother as I did, I could have indulged, to the extent I did, in this covert if innocent relationship with her husband; but his admiration was so stimulating and our teasing meetings gave a spice to my days. Moreover there was Kat to giggle with. She made up fantastic and titillating stories about the Admiral and myself, and I would lie in my bed and listen to them while we laughed together. I knew that I was in a dangerous situation, but life would have lost its savor if that danger had been entirely removed.

I was growing out of childhood. Less than a year ago I had not thought of the possibility of wearing a crown; and in addition the most fascinating man at Court was enamored of me. I was after all only just fourteen, so I have the excuse of youth to offer.

We were approaching a climax. Perhaps it began on that day when I had my new dress. It was a black velvet which Kat said was a little old for my years. But I adored it. It made my white skin look whiter and it seemed to set my hair on fire by its very contrast. It was low-cut and I looked at least two years older in it. I longed to see Thomas's face when he beheld me in it. The dress was a kind of challenge. You can't pretend I'm a child anymore, it said.

I tried it on one afternoon and preened before Kat.

“You look like a queen already,” was her comment. “My word, you're going to be a haughty one. We shall all have to look to our heads when the great day comes.”

“Stop your nonsense, Kat,” I commanded.

At which she fell onto her knees and in mocking fashion raised her eyes imploringly to my face. I burst out laughing. “Kat, you are the most foolish woman I ever knew.”

“Fools are often loved more than the wise,” she replied. “Perhaps that is why my mistress loves me. But I love her even more dearly and we all know she is the wisest creature in all Christendom.”

“Get up, idiot,” I said, “and tell me whether my skirt hangs correctly.”

She scrambled to her feet and arranged the folds of my dress with loving care.

“You look wonderful,” she whispered. “But not my little girl anymore. Why, see who has come into the garden. My lord and lady. He is looking at her most tenderly. See how she leans on his arm.”

I looked with Kat. There they were walking together, looking loverlike, his arm through hers. He was saying something and she was smiling up at him. He looked as magnificent as ever.

“The peacock!” said Kat indulgently. “Look at his jewels! Those rubies must have cost a fortune. The dear Queen looks drab beside him, does she not? The peahen to his peacock.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief. “Are you going down to show them your gown?”

That was just what I was planning to do. I turned to Kat and we laughed together.