I see her as I emerge from the department store with my carrier bag. She moves, vanishes. My forehead feels clammy, the crowd too dense, pushing, shoving as I walk towards the top of Grafton Street. Did I imagine her? Or is she once again in my space, stealing my oxygen?

The afternoon passes quickly. We interview four graphic designers. None of their presentations excite me. Jessica and Liam feel the same way. I’m about to close my file when Liam says, ‘There’s someone else we should interview. She came late to me with her portfolio. Said she didn’t realise we were looking for a designer until the submission date had passed. She’s worth a look.’

He passes a CV to Jessica who scans it and hands it to me. Saliva fills my mouth when I see her name.

Jessica glances across at me when she hears my intake of breath. ‘Do you know her?’

I nod and press my hands flat on the table to keep them still.

‘Did you tell her to submit her portfolio to us?’

‘No. I haven’t seen her for years.’ I sound unruffled. How strange. I touch my wrist and scars, faint as silvery skeins, seem to ripple the surface of my skin.

Jessica’s eyes skim over the pages of Karin Moylan’s CV. ‘Liam’s right. She certainly has an interesting track record. Bring her in.’ She nods at Liam and leans back in her chair.

They rise to greet her. I force myself to stand with them and lean across the table to shake her hand. She still has the ability to render me once again in a gauche, shambling teenager but I’ve learned poise and pretence in the years since. My grip on her hand is firm. If she’s surprised to see me she hides it well. Her smile is as white as I remember.

‘It’s nice to meet you again, Nadine.’ She’s dressed city-smart, a charcoal-grey skirt and jacket, the waist emphasised by a wide blue belt.

‘I didn’t realise you were back in Ireland.’ I concentrate on sitting down rather than collapsing back into my chair as Jessica waves Karin to a seat.

‘I returned some months ago,’ she replies. ‘I wanted to be close to my mother. She’s not getting any younger.’

‘But she’s well, I hope.’

‘She is indeed, thank you.’

‘So, how do you two know each other?’ Jessica asks.

‘Oh, we go way back,’ I reply.

‘We certainly do.’ Karin addresses her directly. ‘Nadine was my best friend in secondary school. We haven’t seen each other for years. How long do you reckon that is, Nadine?’

‘Twenty-five… could be twenty-six years,’ I reply. ‘You haven’t changed at all, Karin. I’d have recognised you anywhere.’

‘Thank you. I’ll take that as a compliment and return it to you. You’re looking wonderful.’

Are we really fooling the others with this civilized exchange? From their polite expressions as they glance at her application letter it would seem so.

I glimpsed her at the airport and she gave voice to a discontent I’d barely acknowledged. A discontent that could be ignored because I was afraid to squander my marriage with notions of freedom. Then her card fell from Jake’s wallet. I stared into the kingfisher’s chilling gaze and stopped pretending to be satisfied with the predictability of the life Jake and I had moulded from our rough beginnings.

I turn away, unable to look at her and stare at the wallpaper. An abstract swirl in lurid colours. The room feels as if it’s shifting on its own accord. The effect is nauseating and brings me back to the journey home from Monsheelagh in the back seat of my father’s car. Eoin drove too fast around the bends on the cliff road and my stomach churned as I lowered the window, seeking fresh air too late to prevent me from throwing up.

Karin had a new friend when we returned to St Agatha’s in September. Vonnie Draper was thrilled by the secrets she confided to her. A whispering campaign began soon afterwards and grew implacably. Each day brought new distortions, new lies, all making their way back to me by those who believed I should ‘know’ what was being said behind my back. I smelled, according to Vonnie: bad breath, body odour, sweaty feet. I had ‘lesbo’ tendencies and always tried to kiss Karin whenever I slept over in her house.

I cleaned my teeth until my gums bled, stood under scalding water in the shower and refused to walk to school with Jenny in case this gave rise to new rumours. I sat alone in the school canteen and lived in dread that Karin would tell Vonnie about the letters I’d written during our holiday. Love letters that she had stolen from me.

Jessica’s brisk voice snaps me to attention. ‘Liam was very interested in the ideas you submitted with your CV, Karin.’ She makes a steeple with her fingertips and taps them together. ‘Could you begin by telling us how your specific design skills could benefit Lustrous.’

Karin swivels her chair slightly to the side and opens her portfolio case.

‘I’ve developed my skills through years of experience from working abroad,’ she says. ‘I’ve worked mainly in New York but also in other major cities. However, my most important attribute is my creative talent, which, I believe will be of enormous benefit to Lustrous.’

‘Can you elaborate on those talents?’ Liam asks. He’s more animated than I’ve seen him all afternoon. Before the interviews began we worked out the specific questions we would ask each interviewee. I hesitate when my turn comes. Jessica inclines her head towards me as the pause lengthens.

I clear my throat and ask Karin to tell us what she knows about Lustrous and its readership. She answers without hesitation, trots out circulation figures, statistics, history. She quotes headlines from the first issue of Lustrous, mentions some spectacular photographic shoots that have featured in the magazine over the years. Jessica is warming to her. She and Liam lean forward expectantly when Karin removes mock-up drawings from her case and hands them around. She switches on her laptop and does a Powerpoint presentation. She’s worked on other magazines, a film company, some banks and corporations.

Her designs reflect the latest graphic trends from New York. She demonstrates how the fonts from Vanity Fair and Hello would look on Lustrous and suggests various alternatives. One of the fonts catches my attention when it flashes on the screen. It’s gone before I can figure out why it looks familiar.

Liam’s eyes glide over Karin as she speaks. I can almost hear the smack of his lips. No chance he’ll ever call her ‘Babe.’ She shows the magazine pages on the screen from different angles and is obviously used to presenting her ideas to a panel.

‘Nadine, would you like to give us your opinion on what we’ve just seen?’ Jessica waits expectantly for my reply. I scrabble around for something constructive to add to the discussion. I know that she and Liam have already made up their minds.

‘I like the overall design.’ I’m amazed at my self-control, the conviction I convey as I explain why the pages should be less crowded with content. More white space would make them easier on the eye for the average Lustrous reader, whose attention span could be compared to that of a gnat. I keep the latter opinion to myself. Jessica takes her role as her celebrities’ chronologist quite seriously.

‘I have to leave now.’ Liam stands and shakes Karin’s hand, speaks directly to her. ‘There’s someone waiting to see me in my office but I’m interested in discussing your ideas in more detail, especially in the context of Core, my other magazine. Call in on me before you leave and we’ll talk some more.’

Jessica’s mobile phone rings. She checks the screen. ‘Apologies, I need to take this.’ She moves towards the window and out of earshot.

Karin sits, legs crossed, poised. I hoped desperately that she would do a bad interview but she hasn’t put a foot wrong. The bows on her shoes, the buttons on her white blouse, the brooch on her jacket are the same blue as her belt. Each co-ordinating detail trails attention over her body.