‘Sorry I’m late. It’s mayhem out there tonight. You should have seen the traffic on the Eastlink. There’s a concert on the – ’

‘Why didn’t you answer your phone when I rang earlier?’ She faced him, arms folded. Her pouting bottom lip, glossily purple, told him roses would not appease her. She strode ahead of him into the kitchen. Tonight she had promised to cook her special signature dish. He had no idea what it was but he had expected the kitchen to be redolent with spices, steamy and warm. Instead, the chrome fittings glittered coldly and the hob was empty, not a saucepan in sight. She had been cooking earlier. The faint smell of turmeric and cumin still lingered, despite the low, determined purr of the air extractor above the hob.

‘I was driving.’ He laid the roses on the counter. They looked even more wilted now, the petals turning brown on the edges. ‘Didn’t you get my texts telling you I’d been delayed?’

‘If you’d taken my call it would have saved you the trouble of texting. I rang to tell you tonight was cancelled.’

‘What’s wrong?’

‘You’re a liar,’ she stated. ‘That’s what’s wrong.’

‘Don’t make that accusation again, Karin.’ The dog was still barking, its high-pitched yaps adding to Jake’s unease. He was unsure if it was the persistent yapping or her shrill certainty that fanned his anger. ‘You’d better tell me what’s bothering you or I’m leaving right now.’

The dog, as if exhausted or muffled, fell silent.

‘You should see this before you leave.’ Karin flounced from the kitchen, her high heels sparking against the tiled floor and stood in front of the television in her living room. She pressed the record button. ‘How do you explain this?’

His heart sank when he saw the banner Protecting Marriage in a Dysfunctional Society draped above his mother’s head. The conference had featured on the six o’clock news and Karin had recorded it. He listened to Eleanor’s forceful voice declaring, ‘I also want to thank my family, my son Jake and his beloved wife, Nadine, for their unwavering support over the years and for the years to come.’

The camera swept over him and Nadine. Why was his arm around her? They looked like besotted teenagers staring into it. Why on earth were they smiling? He remembered the moment. Their anger at Eleanor’s duplicity. The invasive lens. The news item then cut to the protest and an interview with Eleanor when she emerged from the conference room.

‘You told me you were getting a divorce.’ Karin’s eyes glittered. ‘Now I discover that you’re living happy ever after together.’

‘We are getting a divorce…’ He gestured towards the television. ‘That’s not what it seems – ’

‘Oh, really.’

‘We did it for my mother’s sake. She’s been unwell.’

‘More lies.’ Her voice quickened. ‘I was foolish enough to believe you. You’re just the same as the others. Every word from your mouth was a lie… what a fool I’ve been… you’re just another lying, deceitful bastard…’

He tried to grasp what she was saying but she spoke too fast. He caught some words – abusive, manipulative, controlling – and tried to recognise himself in the verbal storm flaring around him. He grasped her shoulders. The fine blades tensed at his touch. Her head jerked back as if avoiding the smack of his hand. In the midst of his confusion he understood that he was no longer the target of her anger.

She had told him about her relationships with other men. Relationships that had left her scarred and suspicious. A thug called Hal who cut up her clothes one night and flung them from the window of their New York apartment when she went clubbing with her friends. Malcolm, an alcoholic, Cody, a control freak, Jason, married but desperately pretending otherwise when he placed an engagement ring on her finger, and Carl, so physically abusive that she needed two years of therapy before she had the strength of will to leave him. She wore her scars lightly or so he had believed until tonight. Now, the veneer was stripped aside, her hurt fully exposed.

‘Listen to me, Karin,’ he pleaded. ‘Today meant nothing. Do you understand, nothing. Nadine agreed to do it for my mother’s sake. We’re worried about her health. Otherwise we’d never – ’

‘We… we… we. You’re supposed to be single. How can you be apart when you’re still living under the one roof?’

‘Believe me, it’s possible. I’d leave Sea Aster tomorrow if I could. So would Nadine.’ He brought her hand to his chest, allowed her to feel his heartbeat, the pumping rhythm, part shock, part exhilaration. ‘You told me that space doesn’t matter. It’s how close we are here that counts.’

He watched the anger drain slowly from her face, ease from her shoulders. She undid the buttons on his shirt and pressed her ear to his chest.

‘My God, your heart is thumping. I’ve really upset you… I’m sorry… so sorry.’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘But it does. If we don’t have trust between us, we have nothing except deceit and disloyalty.’ Her voice was muffled against his skin. ‘Does Nadine know about us?’

‘No.’

‘Why won’t you tell her?’

‘I will… when the time is right.’

‘There is no right time. If we’re serious about each other she needs to know the truth.’

‘She will… soon.’

‘I love you, Jake.’

She was waiting, poised to fly if he hesitated too long. She had saved his sanity, stopped the onslaught of depression when the structures in his life collapsed around him.

‘I love you, too,’ he said and hoped she could not hear the hesitant crack in his voice.

The row was over, their passion heightened by the ferocity of her anger. She marked him with her teeth, drew blood with her nails. Astride him, under him; her body arched and hollowed as a cat at play, she allowed him no rest that night.

‘You and I belong together,’ she murmured when they were finally sated, exhausted. With the tip of her finger she gently pressed the mouth she had kissed so violently, sliding it between his lips to touch his tongue once more. ‘Don’t ever lie to me, Jake.’

Chapter 26

Nadine

Tomorrow morning I fly to London with Liam Brett to attend a jewellery trade fair. The idea of spending an overnight trip with Liam is off-putting but he’s made it clear that, outside of business hours, we’ll go our separate ways. I’ve arranged to meet Stuart in the evening to say goodbye before he leaves for Alaska. I’ll see Ali on Sunday before I fly home. I need time with my daughter. She tells me so little about her life, the auditions that end in dashed hopes, the struggle to keep believing in herself, the new drama group she’s joined.

I stop outside Brown Thomas. It’s late July and the colours on display in the department store windows are becoming more subdued. I need to buy something new for the London trip and have thirty minutes to spare before I’m due back at Lustrous. The magazine is being redesigned and updated. A graphic designer has not yet been appointed and interviews are being held this afternoon. Jessica has asked me to join her and Liam on the interview panel.

I take the escalator to the fashion floor. The dress I choose is moss-coloured and slim fitting. I’ve become aware of my body in a new way. The glance I used to cast at my reflection has become a lingering examination, critical and objective. I enjoy the sleek feel of my stomach, the easy glide of a zip over my waist. And I’m beginning to notice looks from men. Have I been blind to the signals in the past or am I exuding a primal spoor, pheromones, the subtle scent of freedom, availability, desire? Occasionally, I go to pubs with Gina from Admin. Three men have invited me to their beds. It’s a direct invitation. Time is precious these days so why waste it on irrelevant conversation? I refuse politely and wonder if it was that brutal with Jake? Memories gather a softer skin over the years… but, no, we made love yet we also talked. We confided slights and hurts, perceived or otherwise, to each other and breathed secrets with promises never to tell. But that’s also untrue. Some secrets lie quiescent until something, a song, a casual meeting, a face that looks familiar but belongs to someone else cause memories to rise in a clamour.