Dad leaned back in the chair and stretched his legs out. “You know, I’ve been thinking. And I think I’ve been doing you and Shad a disservice.”

His words were a bit of a jolt to her. “How so?”

“I should’ve told you more about your grandparents. What happened between them and me. I always kinda figured I’d need to someday, and I think I waited too long.”

Dulsie frowned slightly as she studied him. “What did I need to know before now?”

“There are different reasons for keeping silence. I don’t want to tell you a whole lot about your grandpa’s bad points because I wanted to keep the door open. I wanted forgiveness to have a chance. Actually, your mom’s the one who told me to give forgiveness a chance, so I didn’t want to ... turn you against your grandpa if he ever wanted to reestablish a relationship. Even now, if we have to wait until he’s on his deathbed, we have to give forgiveness a chance.”

Dulsie was still a little puzzled why Dad felt the need to share this revelation now. “Are you saying ... I need to forgive Shad?”

“That’s a good idea, but no, that’s not what I’m saying. Where this becomes a disservice to Shad, though, is I think I unwittingly encouraged him to keep his own silence. Maybe if I’d talked more about your grandpa he would have been more willing to open up about his own past. Maybe the two of you wouldn’t have had this bomb go off between you.”

“We knew Grandpa would beat you.”

“But I didn’t talk about it.” Dad crossed his arms behind his head, stretched, and then clasped his hands in front of his chest. “I think it’s ingrained in the male noggin to be quiet about those touchy-feely things. Pax, God love him, is better at it than most of us, but he had a happy childhood. He just couldn’t connect with Shad on that level. Sympathy is one thing but empathy will give you a lot more mileage. I did try a little bit, I did. From my own lips Shad heard about how my dad lashed a coiled rope across my shoulders, and a few other things like that. But I was also afraid if I said too much I’d just add to the boy’s trauma.” Dad looked at her. “It’s very easy to come up with reasons to support why you shouldn’t do something you don’t really want to do.”

“I know.” Dulsie was well aware of her own situation.

“And that’s how secrets get kept. Secrets are very powerful.” Dad’s gaze seemed to drift back to the wall across from him. “My father didn’t hit Mom or my sisters, but he could still be very intimidating. But Mom didn’t want his secret to get out. They were upstanding members of the church and unfortunately appearances were more important to her than truth. And she was also generous to a fault, wanting to keep his public persona safe. When I was around twelve I did go to a priest about what was going on in my family, but unfortunately he was a product of his time. For one thing he didn’t believe me, and he said even if it were true it was just the cross we had to bear and depend on God to help us work through it. Needless to say, on my eighteenth birthday I was outta there, and my drift from what heritage I had with them got sealed when I met your mom.”

Dad redirected his attention to her. “My father’s a control freak. I still don’t have contact even with my sisters because of the mind games he keeps playing with them, telling everybody how I’m the black sheep of the family. And as much as it hurt my mom’s heart, I had to break contact with my family. That way nobody will blame them, and especially not him. And to protect my own family I had to keep you all away from him. So he keeps the world revolving around him, and his secret is safe.”

Dulsie’s thoughts turned to the day of Grandma’s funeral. How Grandpa scrutinized her, and she became uneasy enough to step behind Shad....

“But you did get together with Grandma.” Her gaze locked on Dad’s. “I have a few vague memories of having visits with her.”

“You remember that?” Dad smiled a little, but then he shrugged and shook his head. “For a few weeks I got to talk with Mom again. You weren’t even five years old. We had a chance meeting at the grocery store and you happened to be with me.” He smiled again. “You were the perfect bait. Your grandma was happy to see me, but she was absolutely tickled to see you. We did start trying to find ways to get together, and she finally met your mom and your brothers.” Dad’s smile vanished as he sighed again. “But then my father found out, and that ended that. But I’ll always be grateful to God we at least had those few weeks. Mom and I were able to ... get some closure. If she’d died without us having that, I think I would’ve been more devastated.”

How strange that Dad would draw a parallel so close to what Dulsie was going through now. She could easily believe he didn’t feel love for his father, and yet love was the only reason that could explain his willingness to give Grandpa the chance to apologize and accept that apology with grace. Right now Dulsie felt no warmth toward Shad, yet love made her determined to guard his secret. Shad wanted to make amends, and Dulsie knew that was what she should do, but it was proving to be quite difficult. This was so personal.

A nurse suddenly arrived with a wheelchair, and Dulsie wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or disappointed that her current chat with Dad would have to be interrupted. She only knew this struggle wasn’t going to end soon, and Lord only knew what Shad was up to now.

Chapter Twenty-Two

I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self.

--Aristotle

Wally arrived at the hotel lobby wearing brown slacks and a striped polo shirt that wasn’t tucked in. He sat at the table across from Shad in the corner of the dining area where the hotel offered a complimentary continental breakfast to their guests. There were only a half dozen tables in the room, and four were occupied even though this was a Friday morning.

Shad had already eaten a bagel and finished sipping his cup of orange juice as Wally sat down.

“I’m glad you agreed to come,” Shad stated matter-of-factly as he set the cup back on the table. “You’re doing yourself a favor.”

Wally frowned and glanced around the room. “I expected something a little more private.”

“You would’ve liked something a little more private. I really don’t believe you have it in you to finish the job yourself, but obviously I have a whole new reason to not want to be alone with you.”

Wally’s gaze locked on his face. “Now what are you going on about?”

Shad couldn’t resist smirking. “I hope you’re not dedicated to playing that role to the bitter end, or else it will be bitter. Your secret’s out, Wally, or it will be very soon. You see, your little plan to keep me silent has sorta rebounded on you. I wasn’t home the night your hired gun showed up, so he missed me entirely and shot my wife instead.”

As Shad spoke those last few words he was inundated with the urge to hurl the table over and grab Wally by the throat before pounding his head into the drywall. But this public setting was as much to help Shad maintain control as it was for his safety. The lines in Wally’s brow furrowed even deeper.

“Sorry about your wife, but I don’t have any idea what –”

“Shove it. I’ve already had an interesting conversation with the sheriff. You see, the spouse is always the prime suspect in this sort of scenario. Naturally they wanted to search everything I have, even my computer. But my computer is the one thing I didn’t let them search, which naturally raised their interest in it so they’ve obtained a search warrant by now to seize it. So yesterday I skipped town, which naturally will make them even more interested in catching up to me. And I came here, Wally, so I could be closer to you.”