It takes a while for him to give me his first real smile since he showed up at my work. I give him a lingering kiss on the lips and turn my attention to the menu.

“Great, now feed me. I’m starving!”

He follows my lead and picks up the menu. “Your wish is my command.”

After an enjoyable lunch, I head toward the restroom. I can’t help but notice that most women keep stealing glances at our table. I doubt that they’re staring at our empty plates. I love that he is oblivious to everyone in the restaurant. His sole focus is me, always me. He makes me feel cherished.

I’m fully aware of the cheesy smile threatening to split my face in two when I walk into the bathroom. I ignore the two women checking themselves out in the mirror and go about my business. They talk about the usual things ladies discuss in the bathroom.

“Do you like my hair this color or do you think I should go back to being blonde?”

I ignore their conversation while I wash my hands.

“He has the most striking green eyes I’ve ever seen.”

I, of course, think of the green-eyed man that I know. As I dry my hands, I hear something else that makes me stop. Turning, I face the one who just mentioned Trinity.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear you.” Because you’re louder than a blow-horn. “You wouldn’t happen to be talking about a man named Jaxon, would you?”

She immediately sizes me up. I do the same. I hate that her hair is practically the identical color as mine. Yes, she should go back to being a blonde. She does not pull off being a brunette well. Scratch that, she should keep it. She could stand putting on a few pounds. I’m sure if she turns too quickly she might snap in two. Would that be a bad thing? Her stupid skinny jeans and low cut shirt that shows off her ample breasts, make me want to throw something at her.

My eyes blaze as I stare at her, unwilling to back down. I need to know I’m paranoid and that the world doesn’t revolve around Jax. Well, besides my world that is. Thankfully her friend pities me and turns her attention from her phone to me.

“I believe his last name is Chandler, but I’m not sure. Why? Are you his girlfriend or something?”

Both of them check my left hand for the ring they won’t find. I laugh, but I’m dying inside. “Oh no, nothing like that. He’s my brother’s friend. That’s it. I was just wondering.”

Wow, small world. Out of all the restaurants in New York, I have to be at the place where one of Jax’s one night stands shows up. Wonderful. Today just keeps getting better. As she flicks her hair over her shoulder, I realize that I’ve seen her before. I squint to make sure. About two months ago, I saw her leaving Jax’s office. Has he been seeing her all this time? What about everything that happened between us? Did he leave me to choose her? Sweat bathes my forehead. I might be sick.

“Oh wow! Do you know what his favorite food is? I’m planning on surprising him with dinner tonight.” She holds up a white card, his penthouse access card, and my heart breaks a little more. “We’ve been together a while, but his food preference hasn’t come up before.” Her friend snickers, making my no longer beating heart crack a little more. The slut continues to talk, unaware of the silent agony she’s putting me through. “I thought he would love the surprise with how busy he’s been with work this week.”

Over-share much? I concentrate on not lashing out at her. I can’t figure out why it would be such a horrible idea to bash her face into the mirror. Ah, her friend. Witness. Don’t need that. I swallow the huge lump in my throat.

“Nope, sorry. We’re not close. Like I said, he’s my brother’s friend, not mine.”

Without waiting for a response, I turn on my heels. I can’t even believe how upset I am over something like this. This is stupid. I’m stupid. I know he dates. Well, fucks is more like it. Hearing about it in a bathroom and realizing that he’s been seeing her for a while now, is so much worse than I’ve ever imagined. I think I might throw up. Thank God that slut didn’t go into details. I wouldn’t be held responsible for my actions.

How can he sleep with her? Is she his girlfriend? I swallow the bile in my throat. No, Jax doesn’t do girlfriends, I remind myself, but I don’t believe my own lie. If she wasn’t his girlfriend, why would she have the access card to his place?

I guess I finally know why he hasn’t attended our weekly dinners. I should feel relieved that he isn’t avoiding me, but I don’t. If anything, I feel worse, much worse. I can’t believe that I thought he wasn’t coming around because of me. Could I be any more self-absorbed?

I need to scream. I hate that my heart is crumbling. I thought my heart was shattered, nothing left to break. I was wrong.

As I walk back to the seating area, Kohen types on his phone with an anxious expression. It evaporates when he spots me. Salvaging our lunch date is impossible.

Good thing I’ve perfected the art of acting. Anyone looking at me will see what I want them to see. I’m just a girl on a date with a boy. Laughing at his jokes that I don’t hear. I touch his arm at the right time, showing we’re intimate. I make sure that this is what he sees. Nothing else. From a typical outsider, it’s the perfect picture.

From the inside I’m slowly dying. My entire body is wound so tightly, I can feel every individual muscle tense. I force my muscles to loosen up so that Kohen doesn’t notice how stressed I am. My heart was pulled out of my chest and dumped onto the dirty cold tiled floor of that bathroom. Somehow my blood continues to pump, keeping me alive so I can torture myself with images of Jax and the slut. Kohen disappears. Behind my eyes is the vision of a naked Jax and a leggy brunette who isn’t me.

I’m suffering on the inside. Perfect on the outside. It’s a role I play well. A role I haven’t played in a while. A role that I miss. I miss pretending to be perfect. I miss not reacting, not allowing anyone to see the real me, not allowing anything to hurt me. I miss being numb.

Kohen appears in a much better mood as we leave the restaurant. Me? I’m ready to drown a particular brunette. Thankfully Kohen doesn’t notice my rotten mood. As he leans in to kiss me, I step away and force a cough.

“Are you getting sick?” Concern fills his voice.

“No, I think I swallowed a bug or something.”

He pulls me into him and checks my head for a fever just in case. He kisses my forehead.

“Call me later?”

“Of course.”

I watch his cab drive away. Clutching the doggie bag for Harper tighter than necessary, I head into work. I try to calm down enough so that nobody notices a change. I don’t care. It’s not a big deal. People fuck all the time. I wish my body could stop trembling. Will the pain in my chest ever go away?

I slam my bag on my desk. I glance around to make sure nobody notices. I’m in luck. Well, until I see Harper to the right with a raised eyebrow. I shake my head at her, point to her office and mouth “food.” She mouths “thanks.” I’ll tell her about lunch when we go running tonight after work.

Harper waits in my living room while I change into my workout clothes. I usually don’t run with a jacket, but the new accessories on my forearms leave me no choice. All of my long-sleeved workout clothes overflow the hamper. So I’m stuck wearing a purple razorback tank with a built-in sports bra and my black running jacket. I change into my black running shorts and snag my Nikes from my closet. I wash all my make-up off my face, before heading to the living room.

We walk across the street to Central Park and stretch. After about five minutes of jogging in silence, Harper squints at me, a question written all over her face.

“What?” I snap.

“I was just wondering how long until you tell me about your pissy mood after lunch.” She picks up the pace. I easily keep up.