The poor guy. His face reddens. I focus on the plate he sets in front of me. I bite into the sandwich and moan. The thing melts in my mouth. Yum! I take another bite before I even finish my first one. Classy, I know. I could lick my plate, it’s that good.

“So you’ve been seeing the doctor for a few months now. How’s the sex? Obviously decent if you’re keeping him around . . . Wait! Who’s better, him or the lover?”

I choke on my sandwich. I have no idea how to respond. I scan the room in hopes that I will somehow find the answer. Before I can say anything though, she beats me to it.

“Wait, you two haven’t had sex yet?”

“No,” I say hoping she drops it. She doesn’t.

“No? Why not? It’s not like you’re a virgin.”

I blush. I may not be a virgin, but I don’t have much experience since I’ve only slept with one person.

Her mouth falls open. “You’re a virgin!” she says too loudly, right when the band decides to end the song. Making everyone in close proximity able to hear her. Fantastic! Kill me now, please.

I cover my face in my hands and shake my head. “No, I’m not a virgin.” I drop my hands and stare past her while I admit for the first time to anyone besides Liv, “Jax and I used to sleep together.”

“Wait, you’ve only fucked Jax?”

God, she’s crude. I nod while I chew on my lower lip.

She wiggles her eyebrows. “Recently?”

I shrug. “A few months ago.”

“Wow.”

I nod. “Yeah.”

I resume eating while Harper thinks about my sex life, no doubt. Hopefully she drops it, but I doubt I’ll be able to escape without telling her more. Her smile confirms my suspicions. I sigh as I wipe my mouth on a napkin.

“When did you two start dating?”

So we’re still on the Jax thing. I can’t blame her, if I was in her shoes I would be wondering the same thing. I bring the Heineken to my dry lips. I swallow a long pull of beer to help with the sudden desert forming in my throat.

“We’ve never dated. It wasn’t like that for us. And no, before you ask, Logan doesn’t know anything about it.”

“Okay, A, for effort. Really good try on not telling me the complete truth.” She claps her hands. “Bravo, it really was a nice try.” She applauds me again.

Why am I friends with this chick again?

“Seriously, though, what’s the real story?”

I know that I have to tell her. She won’t let it go. Plus it might feel good getting this secret off my chest. I play with my napkin. I need to be doing something while we have this conversation. Things are about to get heavy. Heavier than she’s expecting. I decide to just lay it all on the table, no pretense.

“Jax had a terrible childhood. Since I was nine, I would sneak him into my room at night. Over the years, our friendship turned into something more. He was my first kiss, my first love. The night before my sixteenth birthday, he flew back to California from NYU and surprised me. I lost my virginity under the stars to the man I loved that night.”

I shiver as I remember him showering me with kisses to wake me up at midnight. It was the best gift he ever gave me.

“Our entire relationship was a secret. I couldn’t tell anyone that I’d spent almost every night with Jax since we were children. He wouldn’t let me share his secret. We hid everything from my family. During the day he was just my best friend, but at night, in my room we were always more.”

I grip my stomach as a painful memory ripples through me. I can’t grasp it, I don’t want to. Something in the back of mind warns me I’m not ready to remember, not yet. I shake the memories away and share the rest of our story to Harper.

“Something happened to me six years ago, and no, I don’t want to talk about it. I lost myself and Jax along the way. For the last six years, I’ve shut down on everyone and everything.”

Wow, not dark at all. It’s the truth, though, and I’m tired of hiding. It’s exhausting pretending to be somebody you’re not, always painting a smile on my face when all I want to do is scream.

“I did the basics. Enough to get me through the day. I lived day-by-day. If you can count what I’ve been doing living. I shut myself out from the world and Jax for too long. I’ve always thought that I would end up with him, but he doesn’t want to be in the picture. Now I’m trying to find the person I used to be.” I shrug. “That’s my story.”

“That’s just a chapter in your story, Addie. Your story isn’t finished yet.”

We clink glasses in a toast. “To writing our stories.”

Harper links her arm through mine as we leave the restaurant. I’m assaulted by the night chill as soon as she pushes through the door. Luckily Harper was smart enough to bring a jacket, me, not so much. I rub my hands up and down my arms for warmth and watch as she summons a cab. As I step closer to her for body warmth, I step in gum. Yuck. There’s a trashcan not two feet away. She supports my arm as I attempt to wipe the gum onto the grass.

“I can’t stop thinking about what you said earlier,” she says while holding the cab door open.

Please don’t ask. Please don’t ask. I’m not ready. Soon . . . Just not yet.

“I understand feeling trapped, for wanting to find yourself. More than you know. I want you to understand that whatever happened to you six years ago changed you. You will never be the same person you once were. Remember that while you find yourself, Addie. Don’t focus on trying to be the girl you were, but be the woman you are now.”

She wraps me into a tight hug. “I think that the woman you are now is inspiring. I think you’ve already found yourself. You just need to see what everyone else does.”

My throat tightens from the sincerity of her words. All I can do is watch as she climbs into the cab in front of mine. The entire trip back to my apartment, I think about what she said to me.

At the end of the week I meet Kohen for a movie night. We settle in our seats and he offers me his bag of popcorn. My disgusted face must be answer enough because he sets it in his lap again.

“I’m a kettle corn person through and through,” I whisper, earning a chuckle from him.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, but I choose to ignore it. I’ve come to realize that Kohen hates when I answer my phone on dates. I should have turned it off like I usually do, but I forgot. My mind is still elsewhere.

I snatch my phone from my pocket to do just that. The opening credits are rolling in, and I don’t want to be the girl whose phone goes off during the movie. That girl sucks. I have every intention of turning it off without looking at my missed text but my thumb has other plans. Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m staring at the unanswered text from Jax. I gulp down my Pepsi as I read it.

Jax: I miss you. Let me fix us, Ads. Come over.

My heart stops working as I re-read the text. I’m so entrapped in it that I don’t even feel Kohen’s breath on my neck as he reads over my shoulder. Before what’s happening clicks into place, he rips my phone from my hands. All I can do is gape wide-eyed at Kohen as he slides my phone into his pocket. My mouth moves but no words emerge.

He stands and holds his hand out for me.

“What about the movie?” I ask stupidly.

After a quick scan of the theater, he forcibly yanks me up by my hand. I glare at him as I sit back down. I make a point to appear comfortable even though my body hums in anger. How embarrassing! I can’t believe he’s acting like this over a text. Granted the text wasn’t the best, but it’s not like Jax confessed his undying love.

“Get up, Adalynn.” Kohen commands quietly, but I don’t miss the threat in his tone.

I raise an eyebrow. “You took me to the movies, so you can either sit down and enjoy it with me, or you can leave without me.” I shrug. “Your choice.”