I continue to stare out the window. “Swimming is different than taking pictures. Taking pictures didn’t kill my family.” I lock gazes with her as I say the last part.

She doesn’t say anything at first. Then after a minute or two she says, “Neither did swimming. A horrible accident killed your family that night. You had no control over what happened, Adalynn.”

I jump out of my seat and grab my purse, ready to leave.

“This is too much for today. I have to go.”

I make my way to her door but stop when she adds, “Addie I’m not going to apologize for saying that. It’s the truth and you need to stop blaming yourself. I understand why you need to leave, just think about everything we discussed.”

When I get home, I need to take my mind off everything before I lose it. It’s time for a much needed run. Running always helps me when I feel like this. I can just leave it all on the pavement. I opt out of running outside because it’s too dark. Reluctantly, I get changed and go to the gym in my building. The treadmill will have to do. After my warm-up I increase the speed so I can sprint. I need to feel the burn. I need to focus on that instead of swimming, and all its reminders.

It takes six miles before my body loosens up. I’m dripping in sweat, my breathing is heavy, and my legs burn from being out of shape. I need to start running more, I’ve been too distracted. I welcome the heat working its way up my thighs. I focus on the fire building in my calfs, enjoying the reprieve. Another three more miles, I’m done. I’m barley able to cool myself down. I over-did it, but I couldn’t have stopped until I reached this point. When I get in these moods, I’m a machine. I push my body into overdrive, relishing the pain. I dry the sweat off my face and arms before I wipe the machine clean. I leave the gym. Like a beacon, I find myself in the last place I want to be right now.

The pool.

I smell the chlorine and close my eyes. I can picture myself gliding through the water with every stroke. The water has always been a way to escape. Every time I would inhale a whiff of the chlorine, or make the first dive off the block and into the water, it was like coming home. All of that is gone; it’s just a fading memory now.

I take one final deep breath, I turn around and walk away as I remember the old red and white flags.

The week flies by. It’s now Friday and I can’t wait for work to be over so I can enjoy my first girls’ night with Harper. It’s crazy that I have a girlfriend to engage in girl talk. I will admit to being sexist on that part, but there are just some things I can’t discuss with the boys, especially since most of it involves Jax.

I haven’t spoken to Jax since the night of Logan’s party, which isn’t a surprise. Connor has been Connor and has texted me nonstop about taking Harper and me to lunch ever since I sent him a picture. I love teasing him, but we both know he doesn’t have a chance with her. She isn’t the bimbo one night stand type. I may bring her over for Sunday brunch, though.

Bumping her shoulder into mine, she points her head in the direction of my desk. “Someone has a secret admirer.”

I look up from my phone and follow her line of sight to a huge bouquet of peonies. I stop mid-step when I realize they are from Jax without even seeing a card. I know they’re from him because nobody else knows these are my favorite.

Harper reaches the flowers before me since I’m frozen to the spot. “Do you know who they’re from? There’s no card.” She continues to search around my desk as if a card will magically appear.

I nod. Of course Jax wouldn’t write a card; he’s not talking to me, not even in letter form. Bending to smell the flowers, I decide that I’ll wave the white flag. I shoot him over a text.

Me: Thank you, they’re beautiful and make me smile whenever I look at them.

I even add the white flag emoji at the end. I’m surprised when I glance up from my phone to see Harper casually leaning against my desk. She isn’t fooling anyone. I know exactly what she’s after. I was hoping that she would just leave it be, but she won’t be derailed. I should have known better.

“Why do I get the feeling that they’re not from Kohen?”

I shrug. “I have no idea,” I grumble but then admit, “They’re from Jax.”

Harper smiles at me and strides away as if she just won something. I just shake my head at her. I lean over my desk to smell the flowers. I can’t believe he did this. Peonies are my all-time favorite. He remembers silly things like this. I check my phone again, willing it to show me I have a new text message, but I’m disappointed. He’s probably just busy.

I’ve forced myself not to check my phone for one hundred and twenty minutes, not that I’m counting or anything. That’s enough time, right? He didn’t text back, no big deal. I don’t care in the slightest.

As I drink my water, my phone buzzes on my desk. I force myself to swallow my sip and calmly reach for my phone. I square my shoulders, take a deep breath, and slide the unlock on my screen. My whole face lights up when I see it’s from Jax.

Jax: Welcome, Ads. I have a chocolate cupcake with your name on it whenever you’re free.

I bite my lip, contemplating what to say. Of course I want to say something along the lines of, “I’m free whenever you are,” or my personal favorite, “Can I eat it off of you?” but I know there’s no way in hell that I will ever be able to say something like that to him. I also don’t want to seem too eager to hang out. His mood swings are worse than a woman on her period. I decide to ignore his text for now and get back to work.

An hour later I’m shutting down my computer when my phone beeps again. Glancing down at the screen, my face falls.

Kohen: I miss you. Date after work?

Me: Can’t. Have plans with Tinkerbell. Remember?

I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little annoyed that he asked again today. He called me this morning and he sent me a text asking the same question I answered this morning. I just don’t see how he can forget, especially since this is all I’ve talked about this week.

Harper comes over to my desk. She frowns when she notices that I’m worked up.

“What’s going on?” She hands me my flowers as I rise.

As we step into the empty elevator I give her a quick run down about Kohen’s persistence.

When we reach the lobby she says, “Men are stupid. For some reason they think we need to be at their beck and call. But don’t worry your pretty little head over it, Addie, soon we will be drunk and your problems will float away on the dance floor.” She even shakes her hips at the last part.

I laugh when an older man walks into a wall because he was watching her instead of paying attention to where he was going. When we part ways, promising to meet in a few hours, I can’t help but wonder . . . how much trouble are we going to get into tonight?

Stepping into the nightclub, Basement, I gaze around the mass of people and wonder how the heck I’m going to spot Harper in this crowd. I should have listened to her and met her outside or someplace easier than this chaos. I walk around aimlessly for ten minutes until I realize, when in doubt check the bar.

She’s most likely to stake out the bar nearest the door to watch for me. So I head in the direction of that one, which also happens to be the most crowded with men. I shove a few men out my way.

“Holy shit!” I say out loud when I realize they’re clustered around a hot woman in a gold metallic short dress that fits her like another skin.

Fuck, I’m not even into girls and I’m turned on. I would seriously consider switching teams for her. She stands on the bar pouring drinks into men’s mouths. Wow, they actually let people do this at clubs? I thought that was only in movies. I can just see from her chest down because a tree of a man hulks in front of me.