“Red, look at me.” He grappled to get hold of her, palming her tear-soaked face.

She shook her head frantically.

“Carrie Ann,” his voice, soft and tender, reached deep inside stroking the open scar. “Look at me.”

Catching a glimpse of his face, painfully distorted and drained of color, Carrie Ann lurched forward, throwing her arms around his neck. Words came in fits and bursts. “I was so angry and hurt and pissed. It crushed me to find you with her. I was hysterical. The doctor said that shouldn’t have had anything to do with it, but…I don’t know what happened. My body just…didn’t work right.”

“Shh. It’s okay.” He coiled her in his arms, holding her secure. Summer took painstaking deliberations, petting and soothing, easing her hurt. He turned his mouth to hers, soft and easy, comforting her anguish. “It’s okay. Don’t cry, Red.”

Hearing the heartache in his voice, she lifted her blurry gaze. Streaks of wetness on his lean cheeks glimmered in the moonlight. “But it’s not okay. Now you’re crying too.”

Summer nodded, hot tears flowing freely down his face. His chest jumped against hers as his body quaked. He wrapped his arms around her, dropping his damp cheek to her shoulder. They clung to one another as she climbed into his lap. Bones dissolved, melting into one, each submerged in emotions of grief and regret, and for Carrie Ann…relief.

Eventually, after what seemed like an unmeasurable amount of time and tears, Summer eased them onto the bed, cocooning her in the warmth of the covers and his strong protective arms.

Nothing left between them but the rise and fall of their breath as they laid nose to nose, arms and legs tangled in an intimate altercation of trust and love. He pushed the hair from her face, sifting his fingers languidly through her soft tangles as they stared at each other in the dark.

“Did it hurt?” he asked, his voice no more than a whisper.

Her face screwed into a painful crumple of emotions. She shook her head and then nodded. A single tear rolled from the corner of her eye, catching on the pillow. “It hurt in here the most,” she admitted in an ache of a whisper, bringing his hand over her beating heart.

“I’m sorry, Red. I would’ve been there for you.”

“I know.”

“You should’ve told me.”

“I know.”

“Why didn’t you come to me?”

Her lip snarled. “I did.”

Two deep notches gathered between his brows. Summer hesitated, “I tried to see you…later that day. And the next. Every day…for days. I sent flowers…” His words trailed off to nothing as understanding sank in. She heard him swallow, choking back his emotions. “That was your birthday?”

Carrie Ann nodded numbly.

“It happened on your birthday?”

“Yes.” Her jaw jutted to the side as a huge exhale pushed from her lungs. “I miscarried on my birthday. I really don’t like to say it. I know you don’t mean anything by it, but I think she would’ve been a girl. I don’t why, but it just feels right in my heart when I call her a she.”

“I’m sure she would’ve been amazing.”

She nodded in agreement. A hint of a curve tipped her lips.

“I’m sorry about the flowers. I feel like a total asshole.”

“The roses were waiting when I got home from the doctor.”

“I’ll never send you roses again. I promise.”

“I think I’ll be okay now.” Tears fell again, but they felt triumphant in their release. Her fingers floated over her lips and fell to her chest, patting her heart. She wept, nodding, “I think I’m gonna be okay now.”

“You’ve been carrying this weight for all these years. Why didn’t you ever tell me, Red?”

“I was hurting. That morning, everything changed in one split second. My mind raced with possibilities and dreams and anxieties. We’d never talked about having kids, not really, I mean at that point we’d talked about spending the rest of our lives together, but never really mapped anything out. After everything happened so fast with football…then we broke up…I found you with that other woman.

I went from having dreams of getting back together, and having a family, to feeling absolutely lost. I felt so broken. I couldn’t feel normal. All I could feel was grief and despair and anger. But the guilt, the guilt was…is… crushing. Shayla tried repeatedly to get me to talk to you, but the more time that passed the harder it was to say anything. You had moved on…and never looked back.” Tears broke over her lashes. She grumbled tersely, “I was so angry at you…you got to move on…and I was stuck in the black hole of despair.”

“I tried to see you, Carrie Ann…for a long time. I tried.” He paused, continuing in a shallow telling breath, “I wasn’t left any choice. I was forced to move on.”

“The months that followed…they seem like a blur to me now.”

“I remember them clearly.”

“I should have shared it with you. I refused to give myself permission to grieve. Somewhere deep inside…a tiny part of me felt relief. Every time I tried to tell myself that it happened for a reason…that she…we…just weren’t meant to be, I was consumed with shame. I was so angry for months, furious at the world…at you…at my family. I was even mad at my mother for not being there when I needed her.” Carrie Ann’s voice cracked. “I felt completely alone. I alienated myself from everyone except—”

“Does your father know?”

“Yes. He was home when it happened, but it’s not like we discussed it. He can barely talk to me about normal topics. But, Shayla never left my side.”

His face hardened to stone as an apprehensive shroud clouded his eyes.

“Please don’t be upset with Shayla. She pleaded with me to talk to you about it. She has for ten years, even yesterday.”

“I’m not upset with Shayla.” Slowly, his focus seemed to drift back into reality.

In a slow revolution, he rolled her onto her back. His hands were everywhere, showering her with tender caresses. His breath swept over in a sweet burn, pressing delicate kisses to her cheeks and eyes. Summer eased his mouth over hers. The heat and hardness of his erection grew against her thigh, but he paid it no attention, seeming perfectly content showering her with pure love.

“Red?” He pulled back, gazing into her eyes. Their deep level of connection, vivid in the pale moonlight. “I’d like to give you something.”

A curious smile tipped the corner of her mouth. “What do you want to give me?”

“A little girl.”

All of the pain and hurt that had been woven around her heart for so long began to disintegrate. His suggestion was completely genuine and sincere. An overwhelming swell of love prickled every far frayed corner of her heart. “She doesn’t have to be a girl. Boys would be wonderful too.”

“Plural. I like that. Maybe one of each,” he paused, releasing a low groan as she tilted her hips, readily taking him in, unsheathed, skin on skin. Fears and flesh yielding to the love of Summer as a dreamlike state of happiness filled her to the core. “I realize you’re on birth control, and I don’t want to pressure you, but you can stop taking them whenever you’re ready.”

In a room full of darkness the world around her had never shined more brightly.

*

“Remind me again. Why did we have to come back to California?” she questioned, sitting at a dead stop in LA traffic in his new, updated version of Big Dirty. The shiny new Range Rover that wasn’t big or dirty but it was definitely bad-ass.

“I have a thing—”

“You have a very nice thing,” Carrie Ann giggled.

He leaned across the void between the seats. His eyes turned dark and hot with caution, sinking his teeth into her bare shoulder. “Red, you’d better be careful. You’re treading on thin ice.”

Her eyes gleamed, unable to contain her laughter. “Or what? Do tell.”

“The rear seats fully recline…and have a built in massage function. Just think, I could be working you over from the front while getting a massage from the back. It’d be like another set of hands.”