“I wouldn’t brag, Soren, I had her last week.” A deep voice laughs. “Actually, you might be the last to have her.”

“She a great lay though,” Jeff Soren says in return.

“I told you she was,” the other male agrees. “Ever since…the incident, she has become the college slut.”

“I know. It’s kind of sad though.” Jeff’s voice actually sounds concerned. “I wish…”

“Dude. You can’t save girls like that, you just enjoy what they give you,” the other voice replies back.

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Mascara is stained in long lines down my face and my long, honey-colored hair looks like a bird made its home there. My lips are swollen red, and I can’t help but think I resemble a hooker on the corner waiting for her next trick.

I turn the knob to the door slowly, hoping Jeff and his buddy don’t hear me. I sneak out, walking across the street to my sorority house. I’m happy to find that everyone is either still asleep or out. When I crash into my bed, I take the picture out of my drawer that’s been hidden away since last year. I clutch it hard against my chest while sobs escape my mouth. Curling up into the fetal position on my twin bed, I can’t help but think how I have disappointed him. I need to change the direction of my life. Make him proud of me.

Chapter 2 – Present Day Western College

 

I have never felt so out of place. If it wasn’t for my roommate, Jessa, I would have never known this place even existed. She told me we were coming to a bar, but this looks like a rundown house that drug addicts inhabit. When she told me to park along the street, I thought we were going to the bar across the way. Not this old white house we stand in front of now. The paint is chipped away, exposing the wooden frame, and dark colored sheets cover the windows.

“Come on Sadie, it looks worse than it is.” Jessa tugs on my arm, pulling me toward the door. Girls and guys file into the bar that resembles a house, sporting different hair colors and more piercings and tattoos than I have ever seen. I can count on one hand how many people I know who have a tattoo and no one I know has a piercing other than their earlobes.

Of course, Jessa fits in with her short blonde pixie cut and tongue piercing. I notice the guys giving her a once over before turning to me, questioning and judging why I’m here. How different this feels, to be the one judged. I suddenly regret every glare I’ve ever given someone who is different than me.

“I don’t know, Jessa. Maybe I should just go back to the dorm, you can text me when you need a ride home,” I say, starting to back step to the safety of my car.

“No you don’t, Sadie. I won’t leave your side, just give it a try. The music is really good.” She grabs my hand and I reluctantly follow her to the opening door.

A bald guy with a reddish, long-haired goatee and tattoos stretching over each arm puts his hand out to us. Jessa takes out her five dollar cover fee out of her back pocket, while I fumble through my purse, handing him a fifty. He cocks one eye at me, then hands me my change back in five dollar bills. I stuff them in my purse and clasp it shut.

Jessa grabs my hand and leads me into what I envision as the living room. There are couches along every wall and chairs strewn around. All the furniture looks like it should be in a landfill and it shocks me that people are actually comfortable relaxing on them.

Walking a little further into the bar/house, a band is playing in the far corner, which I assume was the kitchen at one time. It sounds like they are banging on their instruments rather than playing them while the lead singer screams into the microphone. I can’t understand one word coming out of his mouth but Jessa’s head keeps up with the beat, bopping from shoulder to shoulder, making me wonder what I’m missing.

Thankfully, Jessa positions us against the wall out of the way and buys two beers from some guy in the corner. I’m happy when they’re unopened, since he pulled them out of a cooler one usually takes camping. I reluctantly take a sip and wince from the taste. Quickly, I smile over toward Jessa to reassure her I like it, but she’s already distracted by the music, jumping up and down.

I take my time to observe my scenery. Almost every girl has looked me up and down in disgust and guys skim over me curiously. It’s a one-eighty from what I’m used to. Until recently, I have never been a girl guys notice. Not until after Theo. I didn’t handle the attention very well, but it felt nice to be desired.

I left that Sadie behind though. I’m going to reinvent myself. No more letting boys lead me to their bedrooms at the end of the night, or waking up in strange beds in the morning. No more out of control shopping trips, or parties until dawn. I will make the Dean’s List and be the child they miss. I promised I would no longer be the screw-up daughter who did nothing but disappoint them.

Lost in thought, I’m surprised when I turn to my right and see Jessa making out with a short, dark-haired guy with “Rebel” scripted into the back of his neck in big, black lettering. His ringed fingers grab her ass, pulling her closer to him and she doesn’t seem to be pushing him away. This is my time to escape.

“Jessa, I’m going to get going. Call me if you need a ride.” I tap her shoulder. She stops kissing the dark-haired rebel.

“No Sadie…stay,” she begs, while Rebel continues to kiss and suck on her neck.

“Really, I need to go.” I start getting my keys out of my purse.

“Okay,” she relents, nodding her head with disappointment on her face. “Don’t worry, I’ll get a ride.”

I wave my hand to her and walk toward the front door. I hadn’t realized how packed full of people the bar/house became. I weave in and out between clusters of people, trying to make my way to the door. I couldn’t imagine if a fire broke out. Surely this is not a legitimate business establishment, but rather a permanent house party.

I’m almost back to the bald man when someone bumps into me. My feet fumble and I try to catch myself before I fall straight back on this disgusting floor, or worse, into a group of people. My purse flies off my arm, spilling its contents when it crashes to the floor. I put my hands out behind me ready to catch myself when an arm wraps around my waist, pulling me back.

“Whoa girl,” the stranger says. He tries to straighten me up, placing both his hands on my hips.

“Thank you,” I respond, not looking his way. I kneel on the ground and hurriedly pick up my items, shoving them back in my purse.

“Here you go.” That same voice has my keys in his hand. When I go to grab them, he shuts his hand. “I don’t think you need them.”

I look up at a set of caramel eyes staring back at me. His brown hair is short, but slightly turned into a small Mohawk in the middle. Although he isn’t my usual type, he is absolutely stunning. He isn’t wearing khakis and a polo. His hair isn’t trimmed and cut to perfection. He is nothing like what I am used to, but still I can’t tear my eyes away.

I stand up and glance down at his hand wrapped around my upper arm and then back up to his face. He smirks at me. “Why are you holding me up and can I have my keys now?” I demand.

“Sorry, I don’t let people drive drunk.” He puts my keys in his pocket.

“I’m not drunk,” I spit out.

“That’s what they all say,” he deadpans.

“What do you want me to do to prove it? Walk a line? Say the alphabet?” I ask, irritated that this man is keeping me from my lonely night in my dorm room. “Z, Y, X…” I start to rattle off the alphabet backwards.

“You really aren’t drunk?” He holds his hand up to stop me from continuing.

“No, some jerk knocked me down,” I tell him.

“Really?” He looks deeper in my eyes for some sign of alcohol. “Sorry, I just assumed since you were fumbling backwards.” He looks me up and down. “I figured you swayed over from the frat party down the street.”