I know that Dan broke us up the first time, but if I wasn’t such a damn idiot, his plan would have never worked. He knew how much of a hot head I was and that seeing what I did would send me spinning. I played right into his hands and hurt Jules and myself in the process.

I grab my keys and get into the car needing to go to the hospital and see what’s going on with Ryan. I can’t believe my asshole father shot him. My father. When I saw him step into the light holding the gun to Jules’ head, I thought I was dreaming. Never in my life did I even consider the fact that he might have made it out of that fire. I have so many unanswered questions for him. Did he get out before the firemen came? Did he try to save my mother or even bother to look for me? I hate him.

If he wasn’t already dead that would be my first fucking stop. He targeted Jules because of me and when his hands were on her I swear I wanted to rip them off. I pull into the hospital lot praying that Ryan is going to be okay. He wanted to call for back up and I refused. Knowing what Jules was doing with the Andre family, there was no way I wanted to show up there with the cops.

When I walk into the waiting room, I see Hunter, Jake, and Mason. Mason is wearing a scrub top the hospital must have given him since he used his shirt on Ryan. “How is he?”

“He’s still in surgery. We don’t know anything yet and they really don’t want to talk to us. His parents are on the way.” Jake looks over at me. “What happened with Jules? I thought she would be here with you.”

I take a deep breath. “She left me when I told her what I told you guys on the way over. She basically said that she can’t trust me when all I’ve done is lie to her. Which I guess she is right, but I love that girl so damn much.”

He nods his head. “So what are you gonna do about it?”

“What do you mean?”

He stands up and walks over to me. “I mean we all put our asses on the line for her today. Ryan got fucking shot and you two are just gonna decide to call it quits now?”

“Jake, I’m not deciding anything, and even if I wasn’t with Jules I would have still gone after her today.”

He walks away from me without another word and while he is pissing me off I understand where he is coming from. All of the guys voiced their concerns when we were on our way to Jules. I didn’t listen to anyone though, all I could think of was getting to her. She blinds me from seeing anything but her. She always has.

“I don’t know if she is gonna be able to move past all the shit I laid on her today.”

“Yea, well Ryan isn’t here to baby your ass if that’s what you’re looking for.” Mason mumbles from one of the chairs. “You got two options, brother. You can sit here like a bitch and whine about what happened or you can fucking try to do something about it. If you pick the first option just go somewhere else so none of us have to listen to you.” Mason never sugar coats anything and he’s usually right.

I turn to Jake. “Call me as soon as you hear anything.”

I get in the car and track down Lacey’s address knowing that’s where they are. When I am standing in front of the door to the apartment, I knock hoping and praying that I can get Jules to talk to me. The door open and Lacey is standing in front of me.

“Now is not the time.” She starts to close the door but I catch it.

“Please just let me talk to her.”

She looks at me takes and step outside and closes the door. “First of all, she just passed out, cried herself to sleep is more like it. You need to give her time, Brian. She isn’t ready to see you.”

“How long? I need to be able to talk to her. To explain to her that everything I did was for her.”

“Listen, I get that.” Lacey has never been my biggest fan so this definitely comes as a shock. “But forcing yourself down her throat is not going to get you what you want. Nothing you say right now will get through to her.

I nod my head. “Will you keep me posted on how she is?”

“Sure.” I start to walk away and head back to my car. “Brian?” I turn around to see Lacey walking toward me. She gives me a hug and I have no idea why. “Thank you for saving her, for protecting her from him.”

“I love her. Always have, always will.”

Chapter Twenty Six

Julia

I sit on Lacey’s couch feeling like a zombie. It’s been a week since I last saw Brian. He has been calling and texting me almost every hour on the hour. He must have tracked down Lacey’s address because he has shown up here for the last three days.

I just don’t know what to say to him. I’ve been trying to talk to Lacey about everything and sort my head out, but it isn’t working. I will never be able to thank him enough for saving me that day but also from Dan. The problem is that he was okay with never telling me, with building our relationship on lies and deceit. He killed a man and framed another then seemed to go on with his life like nothing happened. I don’t hold anything he did when he was younger against him. I know how bad things were for him in that house and he was just a scared kid that night that finally saw a way out.

I don’t know that I can trust him though. That I can jump once again with him, for a third time. The day I found out everything I was a mess. I cried the entire night. All I could feel was pain, and loss. Just like eight years ago.

I went to see Ryan a couple days ago. The entire time I was praying that Brian wouldn’t show up. Ryan was in surgery for six hours but they were able to remove the bullet and luckily it missed his heart and lungs. I felt horrible knowing that I was the reason he was hurt. That if it hadn’t been for me, nothing would have ever happened to him.

There’s a knock at the door but I don’t move to answer it. Lacey is at work and if I’m being honest I already know who it is, Brian. “Open the door, Jules!” I sigh laying down on the couch and waiting out his visit. He bangs a few more times before the silence is back. I hug the pillow against my chest imagining for a minute that it’s him. That things aren’t so royally fucked up and that none of that shit ever happened.

“We need to talk.” I hear Brian’s voice from behind me and I jump.

“What are you doing in here? How did you get in here?” I stand up keeping the couch between us and not wanting to give him a chance to close the distance.

“I picked the lock, which I wouldn’t have had to do if you weren’t acting like such a damn brat.”

Is he serious? A brat? “I am not acting like a brat. I just don’t want to see you. I thought you might have caught onto that by now.”

“I caught onto the fact that you won’t even let me explain myself or talk to you. Which whether you want to hear it or not is pretty fucking bratty.” He takes a step toward me but I take the same step back and we being to circle the couch. “Will you just fucking stop for a minute?”

That’s just it. I can’t give him a minute. Brian has this way of making me forget why I’m mad at him and distracting me. I don’t want to be distracted. “Just say what you need to say.”

“I’m sorry.” I look up at him and he’s sitting down on the couch now. “I never wanted to hurt you, Jules. Everything I did, everything I have always done is to protect you. You are my whole fucking life—the only thing I think about day in and day out. You’re the only person who knows every inch of me. The only one I have ever let in and allowed myself to love. I know I’m far from perfect and I’m gonna fuck up a lot, but I want to be a better man for you. I want to be the kind of man that you deserve and the kind of man that you can love. I’m sorry I lied to you and I swear to God if you give me another chance I will never do it again. You are everything to me.”

A tear rolls down my cheek as I walk over to him. He is staring at the floor and completely still.

“Please don’t let this be the end. Don’t throw away everything that we could be. I know it might take time for you to get over everything and I told you before that I’m willing to wait. I just need to know that there is something to wait for. That at some point in the future you will be able to move past everything with me. That’s all I want. You.”