“I’m not a druggie, and I don’t want to be,” I say.

He sighs. “You wanna make money?”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna do whatever the fuck you want?”

“Of course!”

“Then get in the fucking car.” He cocks his head. “Make yourself useful.”

I narrow my eyes. “Are you telling me that I can go with you, as in, become part of whatever it is that you’re doing?”

“That depends … on whether you can fucking listen or not.”

I smile, nodding. “Cool.”

“It’s not cool. It’s called killing for a living, or in other words, being a fucking assassin without a name. There’s nothing cool about this job, dude, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt because you’re eager.” He releases my shirt. “If you come with me, I’ll show you how to beat any motherfucker with your bare hands.”

I take a deep breath. I don’t trust this dude, but what else do I have to lose? Nothing, I’ve already lost everything. Might as well give up my life and join the dark side, whatever the fuck that means.

I’d rather be something than nothing at all.

“Sign me up,” I say, and I walk to the other door and get in.

His car smells of alcohol and burned skin, but I’d rather be in here than out there with all those dead bodies. I wouldn’t know what to tell the cops if they came looking, and they wouldn’t believe me, even if I did tell them everything.

Mr. X puts the car in drive, and then he turns his head toward me and lowers his shades. He reveals one fake, metallic eye embedded in his socket, right underneath the scar. Wicked.

“Buckle up,” he says, with a huge grin on his face.

I guess this is either the beginning of a new life for me or the beginning of the end. Either way, I’m cool.

***

Present

I’ve been defeated.

Not physically. Not mentally.

Emotionally.

I thought I could push the desire to be close to her away, but it’s nagging at my heart so much that I have to listen. I can’t not hold her tight, telling myself that she’s unharmed; that’s she’s still mine and only mine.

Even though that son of a bitch tried to lay a hand on her, I made sure that he wouldn’t ever come close to her again. I don’t know what happened, but the moment I heard them fight upstairs and I came up and saw him … something just clicked in my brain. I lost it. I lost myself to the rage, and I don’t regret a fucking thing.

She’s mine. Mine. And I’ll do anything to keep it that way.

Fuck, it’s been a long time since I held her like this, and I can’t fucking understand why I care so much after everything she did to ruin me. Still, I can’t stop wanting to calm her. I can feel her heart beating against my chest, her breathing warm and rapid, putting all my senses on high alert. The way she latches onto me with her fingers curling around my shoulders settles the fury inside me a little, but not much. I still feel pumped, on edge, as if something could come in at any time and swoop her away from me.

I can’t fucking allow it, so I pull her even closer, smothering her with my need to have her all to myself. I’ve never felt like this before, but honestly, it feels good. I don’t give a damn about the voices in my head telling me that I should be punishing her instead.

For some reason, just a tiny piece of me believes she’s been punished enough.

Then again, remembering just how evil she’s become makes my blood boil again.

I should hate her.

I should despise her.

And yet, when I look at her, I feel more than just loathing.

I’m so fucking confused, and I hate it. I don’t know what to do with these emotions … ones I’ve never had before. They’re conflicting, and so am I. I have no fucking clue what to do with myself or with this situation, so I opt for doing nothing at all. At least for the next couple of minutes. Holding her is enough.

“Phoenix …” she suddenly mumbles.

I look down at her face, which is scraped and bruised, but her warm smile jolts my heart a little. “Yes?”

“Why do you call yourself that?”

I frown. “Why do you wanna know?”

She shrugs. “Just because. I only know you as Miles.”

I make a face. “I hate that name.”

“Why?”

I turn my head away. “It’s weakness.”

“Well, I like it. It’s how I remember you being … back when …” She sighs.

“Back when what?” I ask, tilting her head up, so she’ll look me straight in the eyes. I want her to be honest for once. “Tell me what you’re really thinking.”

“Back when we weren’t liars and didn’t betray the ones we loved.” She averts her eyes.

“Hey, look at me,” I say. She does, and her eyes are like sparkling diamonds, grasping my full attention. “Let’s make a promise. No more lies. No more betrayal.”

She smiles, chuckling a bit. “Oh, Phoenix. You know it’s too late.”

“It’s never too late,” I say. “Not now that you’re mine forever.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t intend to just kill you now that you’re my pet.” I caress her cheek. “You’re mine now. Finally. It would really be a waste to get rid of it all when this is what I wanted all along.”

She laughs. “You know, there’s something incredibly romantic behind that crude, malicious prospect.”

My lip quirks up into a smile. “I know, but you and I both know we wouldn’t settle for anything less than totally offensive.”

She nods with a raised eyebrow. “True.”

I grab a strand of her curly blond hair, which is quickly turning brown again, and tuck it behind her ear. Tears smudge her face, but she is still as beautiful as ever, no matter what happens to her. Her strength never fades, even through the toughest of moments. I could even go as far as to say that she’s stronger than I am because after everything I’ve done to her in this house, she’s still curling up in my arms and welcoming my warmth.

It’s incredible.

My heart is beating again.

My veins are pulsing with a fire I’ve not felt in years; sweat drips down my back.

I’m feeling a different kind of emotion, one I haven’t felt in a long time … And it terrifies the living shit out of me. Not because I don’t want to feel it, but because I don’t know what to do with it.

After everything we’ve done to each other, there’s no going back. There’s no innocence here. No love. Only pain and blood. So how could I ever call whatever it is that I’m feeling good? It’s wrong. Just wrong.

I can’t love her.

I just can’t.

Except, no matter how much I think about it, I always come back to the same conclusion.

I want her. I need her. I can’t live without her.

When she’s lying here tucked away in my arms, still shivering from what just happened, probably repeating the memory of him wanting to shove his cock up her pussy in her head … it all makes me want to help her instead of being her number one enemy.

I can’t even hurt her. Not like this … not at all. I can’t bring myself to kill her, no matter how much my brain is telling me that I should.

I should hate her. I should kill her and get it over with, but I know that when I do, there will be no turning back. Time does not move backward. Once she’s dead, that’s the end of everything.

And maybe, deep down, I don’t want it to end.

I never wanted it to end.

She did.

I grip her chin and force her to look up at me. “Tell me why. Why did you betray me that day after prom? I need to know.”

“What? Why now?”

I tighten my grip on her jaw. “Tell me!”

“All right,” she mutters. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry won’t help you. I need an answer now.” I shake her. “Why, after everything we’ve been through, after I fought for you, after you told me that you loved me, did you choose him over me?”

“I didn’t. I never wanted to. What I said was true; I loved you. I always did.” She winces, and then it comes pouring out of her. “I didn’t choose him over you. It wasn’t my choice … it was my mother’s. She forced me to lie.”