“I am glad you are my son.” His voice was barely a whisper as he struggled to contain his composure. He turned and left the room without another word.

But for now, that was enough. It was all I needed to start to be able to heal. I closed my brother’s door and made my way into my bedroom. It looked frozen in time. I grabbed my football from the dresser and tossed it in my hands as my eyes scanned an old cork-board that hung on the wall. It was full of drawings I had done over the years. The walls were still pea green, but it looked as if someone had repainted them over the years. My eyes danced over the rock posters that lined the walls, and I had to laugh at how much my taste in music had changed over the years. I pushed up the window behind my bed to let some fresh air in, a window that I had used to sneak out more times than I could count.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and sent Cass a text.

In the twilight zone.

How is it going?

I’ll live.

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and lay down on my bed, finally letting my exhaustion take over. I knew things with my family were far from fixed, but I was no longer going to run from my problems. It was time to be a man. Being in jail and watching Sarah nearly die had put everything in perspective for me. Being her friend had given me someone to share my problems with, but it was more than that. She gave me the courage to face my past and hope for the future. I wanted to live up to the person she saw when she looked at me. She had no idea how much I appreciated having her in my life. I hated when she left after the tour, but I was willing to let her go and try to move on if she was happy. After she came back, it made me realize that not only hadn’t things changed in her life, but I didn’t ever want her to leave again. It killed me inside to see her world spiral out of control and not be able to stop it all from crashing down.

I wouldn’t let her down again, I couldn’t. She needed me now as much as I needed her. My next breath whispered her name and my heart beat to the sound of our song.

I was completely and un-fucking-believably in love with her.

Chapter Forty-Four

SARAH

I’D FALLEN INTO a routine with my sister and mom over the last two weeks. I took over grocery shopping because Jenny sucked at it and I didn’t think I could live off mac and cheese for too much longer. My mom needed something healthier anyway.

After I returned to the house from the grocery store today, I began to cook dinner. I didn’t know how to make much so I stuck with spaghetti. Jenny said she was going to invite a friend over so I made two boxes, which turned out to be a ridiculous amount of food.

Mom was out of bed and feeling better after a bad case of the flu. She helped roll out meatballs and talked about life as if I had only stepped out for a day. It was nice feeling that I belonged somewhere, but I still missed my friends.

“That smells amazing!” Jenny grabbed her purse and headed for the front door.

“It is, and if you don’t have your ass back here when it is done, you don’t get any!” I called after her.

“Watch your mouth! You may be an adult but I am still your mother!” My mom smirked.

I shook my head. “Sorry. It slipped.” I laughed as I stirred the giant pot of sauce. My cell phone rang from my back pocket and I wiped my hands on a dish towel before pulling it out to answer.

“You have dinner covered for a minute?” I asked, and my mother just shooed me away with her hand.

“I miss you,” I said as I answered Cass’s call.

“We miss you, too. How are you doing?”

I glanced around the kitchen. “Oh, you know. I’m living the rock-and-roll dream.” I laughed.

“I want to come see you in a few weeks, if you’re feeling up to it?”

“Everyone?” I didn’t want to even mention E’s name, but I was dying to see him again.

“I can barely hear you,” she yelled in my ear.

“Cass? Can you hear me?” I asked as I walked into the living room, hoping for a better signal.

“Sarah, if you can hear me, go outside. Your signal sucks.”

I rolled my eyes as I pushed open the front door. “Can you . . .” My voice caught in my throat as I gazed into E’s eyes. He smiled that delicious crooked smile, deep dimples settling in his cheeks.

“Have fun, but not too much fun.” Cass laughed in my ear and I couldn’t help but smile as the line went dead.

“Oh, for God’s sake. Kiss him already or I will,” Jenny called out from beside us, and I hadn’t even noticed she was there.

E’s hand slid around my neck as he pulled my face to his, pressing his lips softly against mine. My hands fell onto his chest as his other arm looped around my back and pulled me tight against him.

“You may be an adult, but . . . ,” I heard my mother call out from behind me. E and I both began to laugh as he pressed his forehead against mine.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again,” I whispered.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

WE ATE DINNER as E told my mother and sister all about the tour that our bands had done together. I was surprised at how little spaghetti was left after we finished. E filled his plate up twice, and after my mother told him that I had cooked it, he took another serving and smiled with each bite.

He helped me clear the table as my mother went to lie down in her room and Jenny managed to disappear before she had to help. I washed the plates as E took them from me and dried them with a towel.

“I thought the cook wasn’t supposed to clean after the meal.”

I laughed and shook my head. “I don’t mind. It feels good to be normal for once.”

“It does. I could get used to this. Nice little home, kick-ass spaghetti, and getting to look at you every day.” He winked and my heart fluttered.

“Where did you go?” I asked as I scrubbed the same plate over and over. It killed me when he said good-bye to me at the hospital, and what I really wanted to know was if he planned to leave again.

“I had to take care of a few things before I could move forward.” He pulled the plate from my hand as his eyes met mine. “I went to see my parents.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m getting there.” He grinned and I kissed the dimple on his cheek.

I let the soapy water drain from the sink, and E and I went out front to sit on the porch as the sun began to set. His body was pressed to my side and he took my hand in his, lacing our fingers together as his eyes danced over the healing wounds on my arm.

“I’ll never be able to apologize enough for letting you down.”

“You didn’t let me down and this isn’t your fault. It was inevitable that it would all come to a head eventually.”

We stared out at the sky as the daylight faded, shooting pink and purple splashes across the clouds.

“If you knew what Derek was doing, why didn’t you tell me?” I was scared to look at him as I spoke.

“I couldn’t be the one to hurt you, Sarah. It wasn’t fair that he put any of us in that position.”

I nodded in understanding. I wouldn’t have wanted to tell someone that I cared about that his or her relationship was a lie either, but I didn’t feel like any less of a fool. That was Derek’s fault, not E’s.

“Where is Donna?”

His hand squeezed mine as he sighed loudly. “I have no idea.”

I pulled my eyebrows together as I studied his profile.

“Donna was never anything more than a friend. It wouldn’t have ever worked out between us. She knew my heart was already taken.”

“We are a fucked-up bunch.”

He laughed deep in his chest. “Maybe that is why we are so perfect for each other.”

“Are you going to be here for a while?” I braced for the news that he would be leaving and I would have to deal with life without him again.

“For now I am going to get a room. I saw a trashy little motel not far from here. I figured tomorrow you could help me find an apartment. Nothing big, just a place to sleep.” He yawned loudly at the end of his sentence.