If I went back to my room, I would only spend the night pacing the floor and worrying about Derek. There was nothing wrong with my spending time with E. He was my friend and he proved he was Derek’s by going back for him at the club.

I slowly walked back toward the bed, kicking off my heels as I moved alongside it and sat on the edge above E. “What do you want to talk about?” I slid back farther and lay slowly onto my back so our bodies formed a T on the bed.

“Anything. Just want to listen to your voice.”

I sighed as my fingers looped in my necklace and I twisted around my pointer finger. “Are you sure you don’t want me to get Donna?”

“No. She had a lot to drink. I’m sure she is asleep by now or she would have come over.”

“How long have the two of you been together?”

“It just sort of happened.” He groaned.

“She doesn’t seem like your type.” I studied the tiles on the ceiling.

“I don’t have a type.”

“Everyone has a type.”

He rolled over and put his fists under his chin so he was looking up at me, and I realized how close our faces were. “What’s your type?”

I focused on counting the holes in the tiles, not wanting to turn and look him in the eye. My heart was racing as I lay so close to him while he was practically naked. I felt like a whore for even being in here while Derek sat in jail because he wanted to save me. It wasn’t like him, and it gave me hope that he and I might be able to work past our problems.

“I dunno.” I shrugged as I pulled my lip between my teeth, biting down.

“Everyone has a type,” he mocked me.

I rolled my eyes and sighed as I continued to tug on my necklace. “I like rockers, of course. Anyone who loves music. It’s important to me, ya know?”

“I do,” he said quietly as I snuck a glance over to him. Having his arms bent the way he did made his muscles in his arms bulge, and I’d never realized how built he was.

“I like someone who is considerate and kind. Puts others before themselves.”

“That doesn’t sound like Derek.”

“You don’t know him like I do.”

“Fair enough.” He shrugged and rolled back onto his back. I was thankful he was no longer staring at me.

“Fair is fair. I told you my type, now you tell me yours.”

“If we played by those rules, why am I the only one who is nearly naked?” He laughed quietly, vibrating the bed.

“You’re avoiding my question.” I don’t know why I cared.

“I told you. I don’t have a type.” I rolled my eyes but he continued, “There’s just a person. She gets me. I’ve never met anyone like her, and I know she is the one I’m supposed to be with.”

I was surprised by how much his words stung. Maybe it was hearing him talk about Donna the way I sometimes wished Derek would talk about me. I knew that, in his heart, Derek did love me, and I knew we were good together, maybe even great. But seeing the expression on Eric’s face—that look of genuine emotion—made my heart ache. I had loved Derek from the moment I met him. He was the life of the party and everyone wanted to be his friend. It only took two days for us to realize we should be together. Our relationship had always been a crazy kind of love. We fought and hurt each other, but we could never stay away. About a year ago Derek had taken things a step too far and cheated on me with a groupie. I found out when his cell phone had accidentally dialed mine while he was in the act. We split up after that, even though we still were in the same band. It was hard to watch him move on with life without me, and I realized that I didn’t want him to. We vowed never to hurt each other again, and now we were in it for the long haul.

Donna was lucky to have someone such as Eric, someone who so clearly adored her. I thought of how safe I felt the moment Eric found me during the fight. How Donna had clung to him as we made our way outside. How he risked his own safety to go back inside for Derek because I asked him to. I was starting to feel sick as my thoughts swirled. I shook the thoughts from my mind. I was just exhausted, and coming off a night of way too much booze.

“Where’d you go, just now?” His voice cut through my thoughts and I struggled to come up with something to say. Suddenly I just needed to get out, clear my head.

“Derek would be mad that I am in here,” I blurted out as I sat up.

E’s fingers wrapped around my wrist and I was terrified he would feel how frantic my pulse became as he touched me. His fingers slid over the raised scars across my arm as he looked over my tattoo, the word ROCK. I had gotten it almost a year ago now, to remind me of Derek. And to cover the etches in my skin, a piece of my past that I wanted to forget.

“You mention this to your mother and I’ll start paying your sister visits. You think you can keep a secret, Sarah?” Phil ran his hand through his sandy hair. He looked like the perfect businessman, but I could see the evil in his eyes from the first day I had met him.

“I won’t say anything.” I wiped a tear from my cheek as I struggled to block out what had just happened.

“That’s a good girl.” He kissed me on the forehead and I wanted to scrub my face with bleach as I waited for him to slip out of my room, leaving me alone in the darkness. Sobs ripped through my chest as I slid off my bed and onto my knees on the hard wooden floor. I reached under my bed, feeling for the small wooden keepsake box. I sighed, relieved as my fingers landed on the box, and I pulled it out, holding it against my chest.

I slowly lifted the lid and grabbed the old razor that my father had left behind when he ran off with his girlfriend two years before.

It was an old plastic disposable. Nothing special about it, but it belonged to him and that made it invaluable. It hurt when he had left us behind. It hurt that I had to endure Phil because of him. All of the pain needed an outlet, and as I dragged the old blade across the inside of my arm, I released it all. All of my anger and sadness slipped out in long, red streaks, dripping onto the wooden floor below.

Part of me was ashamed of what I was doing, and part of me was crying out for someone else to see the hurt that I kept buried inside.

I wanted to pull away from him, embarrassed, but E wasn’t looking at me with pity. He wasn’t judging me, but he was also not ignoring it the way Derek always did. Suddenly I felt that we were right back in our tour bus, just talking and swapping life stories, and it was comforting.

“I won’t say anything.”

My gaze dropped to E’s hand and then went back to his eyes.

“This is what friends do, Sarah. They hang out and talk to each other. I missed that about us.”

I pulled my arms around myself and swallowed hard.

“I don’t think Donna would be happy.” I also knew that Derek would be pissed if he spent the night in jail while I was hanging out with E.

“What would make you happy?”

My eyes snapped up to meet his, and I was suddenly terrified by the intensity of his gaze. I pushed to my feet. I always felt that E could see straight past my bullshit as no one else could. He could sense the secrets that I hid from everyone else. Secrets I was too ashamed to even share with my boyfriend.

“It’s been good seeing you again, E.” I took a step backward toward the door, and he pushed to his feet.

“But?” He stepped forward and I instinctively took another step back.

“But I didn’t want to cause any problems for you. You seem . . . happy.”

“But you’re not.” He stepped again and I did the same.

“I am.” My voice was weak, my mask slipping. “I know you don’t like Derek, but he has changed. He and I are planning a future together.”

E shook his head, running his hand over his messy hair. It had grown out since I had last seen him, and he looked as if he belonged on the cover of a magazine more than on a stage behind a drum kit.