I stood up and wiped my brow with my forearm. I could really use a friend to talk to. The guys were my buddies, but it wasn't like we sat around and shared secrets. We’d known each other for years, but it was a case of meet up and relax, play a few games of pool, drink a few beers—typical guy stuff. We didn’t do feelings and shit.

I struggled to open up to Leet, let alone Finn.

“Just having a few problems,” I muttered.

Finn nodded. “Fine, but if you need to talk, I mean, you can tell me anything, yeah?”

“Yeah, thanks man,” I said, smiling awkwardly. The thing was, I couldn’t ask his advice on anything without going into a shitload of detail.

I resumed working on the bike, unsuccessfully trying to keep my mind off Leeta. After busting my third oil filter, Finn shot me a look.

“Dude, maybe you should go home and relax or something.”

“That's the problem. I can't relax.”

“Yeah, well, no offense, but all you’re doing here is breaking shit.”

I threw the spanner down on the ground, wincing as it bounced across the concrete floor. He was right—I fucking knew that—it was just that the last thing I needed was somebody telling me what to do.

Fuck. Maybe I shouldn't be here. I stood up abruptly, sending the milk crate I'd been sitting on flying backwards.

“Fine,” I muttered. “Have it your way. I'm gone.” I ignored Finn’s protests and stormed back out to my bike.

For the next hour or so, I just rode. I was heading nowhere in particular, and it felt good.

Why hadn't I thought of that first?

There was no better way for me to clear my head than on my bike—especially finding an unused back road somewhere, where I could take my helmet off, do a few burnouts, and just let off some steam. This is what I needed. I already felt better.

Parking my bike, I jumped off and sat down on a grassy patch beside it. It was as good a time as any to try and think out my next move. I couldn't think straight around Leeta. Never could. I knew I didn't want her to be any more involved than she already was. If anything happened to her because of me, I’d never forgive myself.

But I also knew how stubborn she could be.

I gripped hold of a few blades of grass between my fingertips, and tugged them from the ground. Lifting my hand above my head, I let the blades fall, watching as they slowly floated towards the ground, not really knowing where they would end up.

That was kind of how I felt—like I was free-falling without a parachute, with no idea how long it was until I hit the ground.

#

I got to my feet and picked up my helmet. I had to get back there. I could put it off facing her for a while, but not forever. The last thing I wanted was to get into another fight. What I wanted was for things to go back to the way they were before—which was ridiculous, considering I'd built our whole relationship around lies.

I shook my head. What she’d ever seen in a fuck-knuckle like me, I would never know.

Chapter Ninteen

Mace

“Hello?”

I knocked gently on the door before entering the room. Tim's car was gone, which was good, because I sure as hell couldn't handle him right now. I was on edge enough as it was.

I shut the door and took in the complete silence. I didn't need to check the bedroom or the bathroom. I knew she was gone.

“Fuck,” I cursed. Fuck me and my overreactions. Fuck me for keeping things from her. Fuck me for ruining the only good thing in my life. Fuck everything.

I walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. And fuck this piece of shit motel for not having a minibar. I slammed the door shut and headed for the bedroom. Throwing myself down on the mattress, I buried my face in the pillow. I was wrecked. I hadn't slept in days, and it was starting to show. I was no good to myself at the moment, let alone her. I needed to pull myself together. I needed to fucking sleep.

I tossed and turned for what felt like hours. Picking up my phone, I found her number. My finger hovered over the call button. But then I hesitated. She wasn’t here for a reason. The least I could do was respect that. Closing my eyes, I pictured her face. Her smile. Everything about this woman I loved. How could I make her see that?

A few hours later I woke up, feeling worse than I had before. My head ached like a jackhammer was pounding through it, and the anger I felt at the world had doubled. Kicking back the covers, I grabbed my stuff and left.

Sitting around here feeling sorry for myself wasn’t going to fix anything. If I wanted to change things, then I was going to have to work at it.

Chapter Twenty

Leeta

After he dropped me home, Tim insisted on sticking around for a while. The last thing I wanted was company. I wanted to have a long soak in the bath and spend some time with Marcus who, judging by his full plate of biscuits, had been well cared for while I was away. My heart swelled at the thought that Mace had stopped in here and topped up Marcus's food bowl.

I mean, how cute was that?

Tim finally left, but only after making sure I had eaten a proper meal. His version of a proper meal? Takeout pizza.

I was so damn tired. I hadn't slept properly in days, and my head felt like it was about to explode. I walked into the bathroom and ran the bath, sprinkling some bath salts into the water. I undressed, discarding my clothes on the floor, not bothering to put them in the hamper. Pouring myself a glass of wine, I carried it back into the bathroom.

Stepping into the hot water and lowering myself under was equivalent to experiencing the best sex I’d ever had. That’s how exhausted I was: I’d take a bath over an orgasm. Maybe that was my age showing.

I took a sip of my wine and closed my eyes.

“Leet? Are you here?”

I sat up with a start, sending water and wine splashing everywhere.

What the hell is Mace doing here?

“I'm in the bathroom,” I yelled out.

Seconds later, he appeared in the doorway. “I meant I'd be out in a minute,” I said tersely, trying my best to cover myself.

He cocked his eyebrow, the ghost of a smile on his face.

“It's not like I haven't seen it all before.”

“Yeah? Well, I haven't decided whether you’ll ever get to see it again,” I snapped back.

“Fine,” he said, shaking his head as he walked out of the room. “Do you want a drink?”

“Yes, can you get me a wine, please?”

I stepped out of the bath, grabbing a towel off the rack. I wrapped the soft material of the towel tightly around my body. After drying my hair and my face, I walked out into the living room just as Mace walked towards me, carrying two glasses of wine. I raised my eyebrows.

“What?” he asked. “I drink wine.”

“Isn't there any beer?” I smirked

“That's not the point,” he said, narrowing his eyes. He took a sip and raised his eyebrows.

I chuckled. I set my glass down on the coffee table. “You want to know what Tim had to say before you stormed out?”

He winced. “Look, I'm sorry about that. I just needed to clear my head, you know? That’s why I came over—to say I’m sorry.” He paused for a moment. “And I might have been a little angry you showed him the video.”

“How else was I going to see if he could help us? Besides, it's not like he's seen you naked. He'd have no idea that was you,” I pointed out.

“That’s not the point,” Mace sighed. “How do you think it made me feel having him watch that?”

 “How do you think it makes me feel?” I asked softly.

He sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “I don’t know what else I can say, Leet. I love you, but you have to be ready to forgive me or nothing I say will make a difference.”

He was right. I did have to be ready. And I wasn’t yet. Would I ever be? I hoped so. I really did.