hole too.

should call Sarah, warn her.

should call

Nana

but somehow can’t move, can’t speak

“Rosie …,” Megan says, then sighs. There are no

words. There are too many. “Rosie, I—Shoot, is that the

time?” She jumps up, then stops at the door, her voice

gentle. “Rosie, look, have to go get Ben, but

but when

get back—”

“Okay.” nod, understanding perfectly. When get

back don’t be here

“Okay.” She smiles awkwardly, pausing for

moment before hurrying out of the door.

close my eyes.

It’s over.

429

Holly

It’s over.

shiver as pull my sleeve back down, my blood

deep red in the sample tube. It’s done. Everything’s in the

hands of the doctors and lab technicians and geneticists.

It’s up to them now, baby. Up to them to discover whether

I’m HD-positive or not. Whether we live or die. All we

have to do is wait.

Easy, huh?

It was surprisingly quick

not much more than

pinprick, really, when it came down to it. All that talking

and stressing and wondering and worrying, and all it

ultimately came down to was few seconds with needle.

First there were load of questions, and then had

to follow pen with my eyes, walk heel to toe and play

bizarre variation on the paper-rock-scissors game—I had

to copy the actions the neurologist did in the order he did

them. felt like was back at kindergarten, concentrating

so hard on the simplest things. It was quite scary—are

these really things won’t be able to do in the next ten to

twenty years?

Then Charlotte was waiting to see me. She’d been

surprised when

turned up alone, but

said Andy had

been unavoidably detained. It’s getting frighteningly easy

430

to lie these days. She offered to reschedule, but told her

no—I’m already nine weeks pregnant, and have to get

the results and decide about CVS before week twelve.

gave her the five hundred dollars to remain anonymous,

then the blood was drawn. Easy. All over. Out of my hands.

feel numb as walk toward the exit. thought I’d

be relieved—and

am, in

way. No more worrying or

deliberating about the right thing to do. It’s done, and now

there’s nothing can do but wait. Two weeks, Charlotte

said, though they’ll try to be as quick as possible, given my

situation. Just two weeks and my fate will be decided. Our

fate.

With tremendous effort push the door open onto

the street, and bright sunlight hits me full in the face, its

warmth dazzling, blinding, until something moves in front

of it.

“Holly.” Andy looks down at me, tall and shadowy.

look up at him, the last of my strength melting

away as dissolve into his arms, dark against the light,

firm against the crumbling world.

431

Rosie

It doesn’t take long to pack. take last look around

the bedroom—spick-and-span. Almost as if never came.

sigh. If only it were as easy to pack up the last few weeks,

to leave everyone as they were before. Happy. Intact.

family.

glance out the window. Still no taxi. don’t know

where I’ll go. Home, suppose, if can still call it that. If it

hasn’t been totally annihilated by the time get there.

sigh heavily, close the bedroom door and head

downstairs.

“Jack?” Megan bursts through the back door, Ben in

her arms. She looks at me, surprised. “Rosie!”

“I’m sorry—I thought the taxi would be here by

now,”

say in

rush, my cheeks burning. “I’ll wait

outside.”

“Rosie, wait!” she says. “You don’t have to go. We

can work this out, get through this—as family …”

look at her, her hair spilling out from its elastic

band, Ben sucking his thumb in her arms. shake my head.

“I’ve destroyed this family.”

“No, you haven’t,” she argues. “None of this is your

fault.”

432

“Thank you, Megan.”

smile weakly. “For

everything.”

“Rosie …” She trails off helplessly as move past her

through the kitchen. “Look, at least wait until Jack gets

back, okay? You can’t leave without saying goodbye.”

shake my head.

“Rosie, please—it’s not your fault—any of it! It was

Sarah and—and Kitty!” She spits the name. “Kitty’s the

one who started all this—she caused it and now she’s the

one dragging us all—” She breaks off suddenly and moves

to the counter, pressing

button on the answering

machine.

“First message: Friday, January fifth

Hello?” Kitty’s

irritated voice shatters the silence. “Hello? Jack? Are you there? Jack?”

cringe. As if needed any further reminder of the

moment this all started, the moment should have walked

away and never come back. shoulder my bag and open

the door.

“Rosie, wait!”

Something in Megan’s voice makes me turn back,

though to do so is painful.

Her eyes sparkle. “I have an idea.”

433

Holly

The same sun

watched rise this morning now

bleeds slowly into the sea as step off the ferry. But the

ground’s still moving.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” Andy asks.

nod. “Nothing’s changed, has it?”

reason. “I’ve

always either had Huntington’s or not. And

still don’t

know which, I’m just one step closer to learning the truth,

that’s all. And it’s best to know the truth.” sigh heavily.

“However much it hurts.”

He looks at me, his eyes pained. “Holly, I’m sorry—”

“Don’t.”

shrug, hugging my arms. “It doesn’t

matter. None of it matters now.”

He stares at the ground. “You know, could always

stick around

bit longer

be here when you get your

results?”

“No.” smile. “Thank you, but think it’s time to tell

them. It’s time everyone knew the truth.”

“Okay.” He nods. “Well, you’ve got my number if you

change your mind. don’t leave the States for few more

days.”

“Thanks, Andy,” tell him. “Thanks for everything.”

“Anytime,” he promises. “Good luck, Holly.”

434

He hugs me goodbye, and wave, watching as he

walks away, this one person who knows all my secrets, yet

hardly knows me at all.

take

deep breath and walk

slowly back to the house. My house. The same house I’ve

lived in for as long as can remember. The same squeaky

wooden sign, the same creaky steps I’ve run up

thousand times.

Everything’s the same as it always was.

Except for me.

435

Rosie

wait in the living room, staring at my bag, packed

and waiting by the door. want to be ready—just in case

this doesn’t work, in case Jack doesn’t change his mind, in

case the world is still coming to an end.

In the kitchen Megan is playing Jack the answering-

machine message, telling him her idea.

watch Ben

driving his trucks around the carpet in front of me, and

want to cry. I’ll miss him so much. Miss them all. My eyes

stray restlessly round the room, remembering the day

arrived here, less than two weeks ago; imprinting the

room in my memory: the driftwood sculptures, the

seascape over the fireplace, the photo collage

The pictures scream at me accusingly. Look! they