FUTURES AND FROSTING A SUGARCOATED HAPPILY EVER AFTER by TARA SIVEC
Copyright © September 2012 Tara Sivec
ISBN-13: 978-1478314608
ISBN – 10: 1478314605
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.
License Notice
This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be resold or given away to other people. If you wish to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Disclaimer
This is a work of adult fiction. The author does not endorse or condone any of the behavior enclosed within. The subject matter is not appropriate for minors. Please note this novel contains profanity, explicit sexual situations, alcohol and drug consumption.
For my husband. Thanks for always reading what I write and for not giving me a hard time when I demand that you tell me if it’s shit or not. Thanks for not telling me anything I make you read is shit. Thanks for giving me your honest opinion on yeast infections and not throwing up on me.
For Buffy – my sister from another mister and my honest-to-God soul mate. “Slut – did you mean to say Buffy?” Someday we will live in the same state and the world will explode from awesomeness. Fact
For my family. You are all bat shit crazy but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thank you for tee time, ceiling fan baseball and “can you smell that?” Without you, my life would be extremely boring.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. Green Jell-O and Snapping Turtles
2. My Dog Has the Hungry
3. He Went to Jared
4. He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
5. Suck for a Buck
6. Back Door Action
7. Whore Dizzle
8. The Incredible Shrinking Penis
9. No Nut Shots Before Lunch
10. Ceiling Fan Baseball
11. Mommy!
12. Stinky Wiener Ticks and Twice Baked Potatoes
13. Tee Time
14. Porn and Snozzberries
15. Just Say No to Necrophilia
16. Son of a Face Turd
17. Midget and Donkey Shows
18. Benjamin’s Balls
19. Oops, I Did it Again!
20. Did Not Finish
21. I Swallowed a Penny!
22. Hump, Hump, Hump
23. Scittly Scat-Scat
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
There are so many amazing people I need to thank that I could probably fill up an entire book with just their names.
First and foremost – my amazing editor Max. You are the wind beneath my skirt and I love you! Thank you for all of your help and support. I will hump your leg for days when we’re in the same room together.
Colleen Hoover. I can never thank you enough for the support you have given me. You never hesitate to answer my gazillion questions and you give me hope that someday I will be as awesome as you! I’m so happy for you and all of your success!
Sarah Hansen – you are the twin I never knew I had. Thank you for always supporting me, making me laugh and putting up with my husband’s Facebook posts. Jason Voorhies is still a pussy.
Mollie Harper – I adore you! And not just for the Floppy Vag song or the amazing “Pay it Forward” movement. Okay, those might be the main reasons, I’m not gonna lie. You are amazing and sweet and you put a smile on my face constantly.
To my Slappers – You were my first supporters and fans in this crazy endeavor and I will be forever grateful that I met all of you. I love you from the bottom of my heart.
To all the hookers at Bookaholics Anonymous and Book Broads – I love you. Each and every one of you. I’m so glad I “met” you. You are amazing and your support is never-ending. Thank you so much for all of the “Pay-it-Forwards”, pimping and just general awesomeness.
To all of the other Indie authors out there – I am proud and humbled to be in the same circle as you. I hope everyone realizes just how hard you work on a daily basis to make your dreams come true.
And last but not least, thank you SO much to the following blogs who reviewed/featured my book(s) on their pages. If I skipped someone, I’m so sorry. It’s all Google’s fault.
Aestas Book Blog, Anna’s Attic, Ashley’s Book Nook, Book Liaison, Book-Snobs, Coffee, Books and Lipgloss, Confessions of Novel Junkies, Cursed Pyramids, Fiction Vixen, Globug & Hootie Need a Book, Hot Coffee Books and Chocobar, Lisa’s Book Review, Lisa’s Reads, Love Affair With An E-Reader, Madison says, Mama Laughlin, Maryse’s Book Blog, Momma’s Books, Natasha is a Book Junkie, Romance Book Reviews Blog, Romantic Book Affairs, Romantic Reading Escapes, Scandalicious Book Reviews, Selena-Lost-in-Thought, She Can’t Shut Up, Sim-Sational-Books, Talk Supe, Tara’s Reads, Teahoney’s Book Café, The Autumn Review, The Book List Reviews, The Indie Bookshelf, The Romance Reviews, Totally Booked, Tough Critic Book Reviews, Under the Covers, Unraveling Aira, Up all Night Reviews, What to Read After Fifty (50) Shades of Grey Facebook page.
Futures and Frosting
Tara Sivec
1. Green Jell-O and Snapping Turtles
I have a dream.
And in this dream I’m under the covers in bed, just a few scant inches away from Carter’s body. I stare at his prone form lying next to me, the greenish-blue glow from the alarm clock on the bedside table providing just enough illumination for me to see the shallow rise and fall of his chest. The sheet is draped low over his hips as he sleeps peacefully with one arm flung over his eyes and the other resting on his taut, naked stomach. I slide my body ever so slowly across the bed, careful not to disturb him, until I’m so close I can feel the heat from his skin warming me from head to toe. I pull my arms out from under the sheet and my hands reach out towards him. I connect with his smooth, muscular chest, slide my fingers up his body, and...choke the ever living shit out of him.
Okay, that’s not really a dream. It’s more of a wish if you will, something I fantasize about when business is slow at the shop, when I’m waiting in line at the grocery store, or pretty much every waking moment of every single day when I find myself yawning and cranky from lack of sleep. But it’s not like I would ever follow through with this fantasy. I love Carter. I really do. Sometimes it’s just a toss-up on whether or not I love sleep more.
A few months ago, I hadn't even known Carter existed. Okay, I knew he existed; somewhere out there, over the rainbow, in a land far, far away living his own life. I never believed in a million years that he would ever stop and give me, his one-night-stand from college, a second thought. Turns out I was wrong on both counts. A land far, far away had turned out to be a few miles from where I lived and that second thought I figured he had never given? Well, much to my dismay, and using a Harlequin Romance novel cliché, he had spent years pining for me and searching the world for 'the one that got away'.