“Ari, I’m here, baby, I’m here now. I promise you that I’ll never leave you again. I promise baby, never again.”

I just stared at him.

“Do you want to know what I was going to tell you before you left?”

“Of course I do, Ari.”

“I was going to tell you that you and I were having a baby, that our future was growing in my stomach. I wanted to tell you how scared I’ve been for the last week, how scared I was that you were going to be upset because I missed my pills and got pregnant, how scared I was that you would pick Rebecca’s baby over ours, and how scared I was that our baby might have Fragile X. I was going to tell you all this, but you left. You left to go be with Rebecca and a child who you didn’t even know was yours when I knew for a fact that you were the father of my baby.”

Jeff’s face turned white as a ghost. “Ari…we’re gonna have a baby?”

When I saw the smile slowly spread across his face, I died inside all over again.

I turned my head away and started to cry. Why didn’t I tell him sooner? Why am I blaming him when it was entirely my fault? If I had just told him, he might not have walked away from us.

“Ari, baby, I could never, ever be upset with you. When I held that baby in my arms, I felt nothing, and in that moment, I knew he wasn’t mine. I only want to have kids with you…only you.”

He reached over and turned my face back toward him.

This was tearing me up inside. I needed to tell him even though I knew I was about to devastate him.

“I lost the baby when I fell off Rose.”

He stood up straight and started to shake his head. “No…oh God… no.”

He slowly started to lower himself to his knees. When his knees hit the floor he put his head on the side of the bed and started to cry.

“Oh god…Ari. I’m so sorry, baby…oh god…this is all my fault.”

I wanted so badly to comfort him, but at the same time, I wanted him to hurt just as much as I did.

“I need you to leave, Jeff. I need to be alone.”

He looked up at me, eyes filled with tears. “I’m not leaving you again, Ari. I’m never leaving you again.”

“I don’t want you here!” I shouted at him. I winced in pain from my bruised ribs and pounding headache. Motherfucker! Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that fucking hurt.

“I’m not leaving you baby. You can shout and scream all you want, Ari. I’m never going to leave your side again. It doesn’t matter if you want me here or not.”

Ellie walked into the room. “Is everything okay, Ari?”

When Ellie looked at Jeff on the floor, she saw that he was crying. Walking over, she dropped to her knees next to him.

“Jefferson.”

He turned and hugged her, and then he started crying even more.

Of all the times I’ve fallen off a horse, why do I now get ribs that hurt so damn bad I can’t move? I just wanted to be the one to hold and comfort him.

Shit! I’m losing my goddamn mind. I just told him to leave, and now, I’m jealous of Ellie hugging him.

“It’s all my fault, Ellie. It’s all my fault.”

Ellie kept telling Jeff it was okay.

No, it wasn’t okay.

“No, it’s not okay!” I yelled.

Ellie and Jeff both looked at me with concern.

Jeff stood up, took my hand, and kissed it.

“No, baby, it’s not okay. I’m so sorry I did this to you, Ari. Please don’t ask me to leave you. I just need to be with you.”

Ellie stood up and walked over to the other side of the bed. The two most important people in my life were on either side of me, so why did I feel like I was so alone?

“I…you didn’t do this to me, Jeff. It just wasn’t meant to be,” I struggled to keep the tears from falling again.

Jeff shook his head. I knew he was beating himself up inside right now. I was feeling so many things that I couldn’t keep them straight. I was tired. I hurt everywhere. I was angry, sad, and devastated. All of this rolled up into one. My urge to comfort Jeff was pissing me the fuck off also. I just wanted to be angry with him.

“Ari, I love you more than life itself. I’ll do anything for you. I will do anything for you, baby.”

I smiled at him because I knew he meant every word he was saying.

“Can you go push Rebecca down an empty mineshaft?”

Ellie let out a giggle.

Jeff smiled. “Baby, if you really want me to, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

“As much as I really want to say yes…no, I don’t want that.”

I turned to Ellie and she gave me the sweetest smile.

“Ellie, please tell everyone they can leave. My parents need to get back to Matt. If Josh and Heather haven’t killed each other by now, I’m sure they’re ready to go insane with my baby brother. I have Jeff now. I’m gonna be fine.” I smiled at the love of my life.

The most overwhelming feeling of comfort came over me. Just having him smile at me and tell me how much he loved me brought such a peace.

My heart was breaking inside, but somehow, I knew it was all going to be okay.

Ellie kissed me gently good bye and walked out of the room.

Jeff leaned down to softly kiss my lips.

“I love you, Arianna.”

“I love you, too, Jeff.”

“It’s all going to be okay. Please tell me you believe me.”

“I believe you.”

Too bad my heart didn’t agree with what I just said.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

JOSH

I stood there at the kitchen entrance, watching Heather play with Matt. She was amazing with him. It was no wonder she wanted to be a teacher. She had a gift. I couldn’t believe how patient she was with him, it was clear that he loved her.

They were both mopping Jeff and Ari’s kitchen floor…again.

“Heather, do you like mopping with me?” Matt asked.

He had the cutest damn smile I’d ever seen. Little guy is moving in on my girl.

My girl…I wish.

She had barely spoken two words to me since everyone had left. I had finally talked Lynda into heading back up to Emma and Garrett’s house after an hour of her rolling her fucking eyes at Matt and Heather.

As I started to walk into the kitchen, Matt held up his hand to stop me.

“Oh no, Josh. Don’t walk on the wet floor. You’ll fall!”

“Gotcha, buddy. I wouldn’t dream of walking on this beautiful clean floor, especially not after the wonderful job you and Heather did cleaning it.” I smiled at Heather. I was shocked that she smiled back at me. My heart dropped to my stomach.

“Matt, how about I take the mops and bucket outside and then Josh can take you to go see Stargazer? Would you like that?” Heather asked as she gave me a wink.

I swore that I would do anything this girl asked me to do.

Matt jumped up and down and then ran over to me.

“I’m gonna take that as yes. So, let’s go see Stargazer buddy.”

When Matt smiled at me, my heart melted. Then, I thought about Jeff. Sue and Mark called to say they were on their way back to pick up Matt. That must’ve meant Jeff was with Ari. If I knew Jeff, he was falling apart inside, blaming himself.

I thought Gunner and Jeff were nuts for wanting to have kids so soon. I thought they needed to enjoy life for a bit before they got tied down with kids.

Heather walked by and gave Matt a kiss on the top of his head before she headed outside to dump out the bucket and clean the mops. She looked up at me and smiled again. There went my heart dropping to my stomach.

Maybe Gunner and Jeff weren’t so nuts.

***

Matt and I were just about to take Stargazer out for a walk on her lead when Sue and Mark pulled up. Matt started to run over to Sue, but then he quickly turned back and ran up to me.

“Josh, can I give you a hug good-bye, you assmole?”

I tried not to laugh, but I had to. I got down on my knees, and Matt gave me a big bear hug. Then, he did something I wasn’t expecting.

“I love you, Josh. Bye!” He spun around and ran off.