“Can I?” His hands are at the bottom of my shirt, and they’re shaking gently.

Unable to find words, I nod. Tegan pulls his shirt over my head. I’m in my bra. In my bra in front of a boy and there’s no embarrassment because it’s him and he

loves me and I can do anything with Tegan by my side.

With those same shaky fingers, he pushes the button through its hole, slides down my zipper and my pants are gone too. Now his fingers touch me, my thighs, my

stomach, and it feels so good. Like nothing I’ve ever felt. Like each touch is a vibration flooding out so I feel him everywhere. The brush of his fingers is like a feather tickling me from head to toe. The epicenter of an earthquake. Wherever he touches me is that epicenter, but the aftershocks, the vibrations can be felt everywhere else in my body.

“I want to lie down with you,” he says against my ear, kissing me there. He leads me into his bed. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Are you scared?”

“A little.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“So are you.”

Tegan settles on top of me, taking my mouth. He removes my bra and panties. I take off his boxers. There’s more touching, him on me and me on him. We’re

both on an adventure to discover a new land. After so much touching I think I’m going to unravel, he opens the foil package. When we’re protected, he’s above me

again. Our mouths come together and then our bodies, meet in the same way: exploring depths, dancing in unison to a tune that’s only ours.

Finally, we both really do unravel, and we do it together.

***

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“You can tell me anything.”

“I know.” But then he doesn’t. He’s quiet for what feels like a lifetime.

“I’m… I’m mad at Timmy.” I’ve thought I heard pain in Tegan’s voice before. Thought I heard heartbreak, tenseness, but those times were nothing compared to

the statement he just made. It’s like he had to rip each wordòut, breaking a part of him in the process.

“Tegan, you’re too hard on yourself. You would do anything for your brother.” Ugh. What a lame thing to say, but he caught me by surprise and I’m lost—lost on

how to help him through whatever it is he’s dealing with.

“I would. Anything. I’d take his place if I could and, hell, I don’t know. Maybe mad isn’t the right word, it’s just…” His arm wraps tighter around me. “We had

everything, Annabel Lee. I was always running around, having fun, playing sports, getting into trouble. Timmy was only eleven, but loved football. He could throw a ball better than people my age. We were always out practicing, playing together. My parents—they were happy. So happy. We all were.”

Tiny drops of water roll off his face and onto me. Tegan. The strong, responsible boy who can handle anything is crying and there’s nothing I can do. I want to

make it better for him like he’s done for me. Take his pain the way he would take Tim’s paralysis. But I can’t. All I can do is listen.

“I didn’t even want to fucking play that day, but I went. One hit. One screwed up hit was all it took, Annabel. How does that even happen? How can your body

break that easily?”

“I don’t know.” I wish I did. Wish Tegan and his family never had to deal with this.

My tears are now mixing with his. Every part of us has come together now.

“You know what? It’s not Timmy I’m upset with, it’s just the whole thing. One minute we have everything and then we’re the family with the crippled brother

and the dad who ran out on them. How could he do that?”

Tegan’s voice cracks, the sound shattering me into a million different pieces. I kiss his hair, his cheek, his chest. It’s so small, such a nothing thing to do, but it’s all I have.

“I hate him. I use to look up to him, but I will never let myself be the kind of man he is.” Tegan seethes. “What kind of person walks away from their family like that? When it gets hard, who just bails like that?”

It’s then I know the answers to all the questions I’ve wondered about Tegan. “That’s why you do it, isn’t it? That’s why you work so hard. Why you try to be

there for everything with Timmy, help your mom. Your trying to make up for him, aren’t you?”

I thought I loved him before. Thought I knew what it meant to love someone—to know someone, but at this moment, everything I knew then is so small compared to what I know—how I feel about him now.

“I needed to know that people don’t just walk away… I needed to prove it, to them and to me. That I could be the person he wasn’t—the one they deserved. Who

would take care of responsibilities no matter how hard it is because that’s what you do when you love someone. It’s the right thing to do.”

“You’re incredible.”

He shakes his head. “Not really because I’m pissed too. So mad that Dad is out there doing whatever the hell he wants while I’m working like crazy. I’m so pissed about everything that was taken from me. How shitty is that? Timmy is in a wheelchair, but I think about what I’ve missed.”

Could he take on any more responsibility? “Anyone would feel like that. What matters is you’re doing it. You’re doing it because you love them.”

Tegan rolls over so he faces me. His finger slides down the side of my face when he speaks. “That first day, when you helped? Part of me was mad because it was

such a small thing to do, helping with the chair, but you did it. Not knowing us you did it, but our own dad took off? You hung out with Mom and Timmy, played

basketball with them. Had fun. You wanted to be there, but our dad doesn’t?”

Leaning forward, I kiss him, just because I can’t not do it.

“Want to know another secret?” he asks.

“I want to know anything you want to tell me.”

He tries to smile at me, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t know if I really want to be a physical therapist. I mean, I think I do. I enjoy what I do now even though it’s different. The body really is amazing to me. The things it can do and how it works. I think it’s what I want, but I don’t know. I can’t say for sure and it scares the hell out of me that I’m going to do it, that I’ll sign up for it and realize it’s not what I want for my life, but how can I not? How can I not try and fix Timmy?

It’s like… like it feels like that’s walking away from him just like our dad did.”

“Oh, Tegan, no one expects you to try and fix it. You can’t change it and I know your mom or Tim wouldn’t want you to jump into something you don’t want.”

He gives me another smile before pulling my head down so it rests against his bare chest. “The only thing I’m sure about is you. When I’m with you, it’s the only time I feel like I can just, be. It’s the only time I don’t want all the pressure on me.”

I start to cry again, because as much as I hate to see him hurt, it feels good to know I do something for him. That after everything he’s done, I somehow have a

way to give him something back. “You’re wrong, you know. Earlier you said no one’s perfect. I’m pretty sure you are.”

His chest vibrates against my cheek when he laughs. “No, but thanks for inflating my ego again. I needed it. I can’t believe I cried in front of you.”

I trace the muscles in his chest and stomach, trying not to let him just push this aside, to forget himself like he always does. “I mean it, Tegan. No one wants you to try and make up for something that wasn’t your fault. They love you. I love you. Ahh!”

He flips me over so he’s on top of me again. “I love you, too.” Then with a mischievous smile that is so him, “Want to do it again?”

Chapter Twenty-One

OPPOSITES

Did u talk to ur mom? Is she pissed at you?

My lips automatically stretch into a smile as I read Tegan’s text. Even though it’s 10:00 PM, the night after I lost my virginity to Tegan and we spent the whole day together, I’ve only been home about forty-five minutes and he’s already texting.