A few more days and an apartment would probably turn up. True, Matt and Julie’s day of hunting the Boston/Cambridge area for something non-cockroach and/or hooker-infested didn’t go well, and this was a horrible time to try to find a place to live, but Matt had no doubt that Julie would be gone by the weekend.

And then life would go back to normal. Whatever that meant around here.

He really couldn’t figure out Julie. She looked so relaxed, so disarmingly at home here, and so totally unfettered by life’s challenges. Like that first moment he’d seen her outside her nonexistent apartment. She could have been miserable and upset, but she was still talkative and … so very her. Even in crummy circumstances. Matt was momentarily unnerved when she’d virtually collapsed into him on the escalator the other day, because not only was she genuinely panicked, but…. Well, it had been a long time since he’d had real physical contact with someone. Not that he was a particularly affection-seeking guy, but his parents and sister certainly didn’t look for opportunities to hug him, and he hadn’t been on a date since Ellen broke up with him. Holding Julie in his arms and keeping her from dropping to the floor was the first time that he’d been that physically close to someone in years. But the point was that she bounced back from the incident incredibly well. And the way that she’d managed that first dinner with Flat Finn? Matt didn’t know what to think about that. She was fun, and Matt didn’t really know what to do with fun these days. It was rather ironic that Julie seemed so at ease in this house full of deeply uneasy people.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, annoyed at his level of distractedness. Changes in the household were not going to be good for his studies.

Julie’s voice echoed softly outside his door. Matt tipped his head and listened, biting his lip to stop the smile that threatened to form. She was talking to Flat Finn. “You and I will be spending more time together, so I expect continued model behavior. Deal? You’re thinking about it? Let me know. Excuse me while I go to your namesake’s room and unpack. We’ll talk later.” She was… a funny girl.

Matt took a thick textbook from his bag. Just as he got comfortable sitting on his bed with his back against a pillow, Erin knocked and simultaneously opened the door.

“Matthew?” She stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. “I thought you should know that Julie is staying with us.”

Matt continued reading, but murmured. “I know. She hasn’t found an apartment yet.”

“No. I mean that Julie will be staying with us for good. I asked her to stay.”

Matt slammed the book shut and glared at Erin. “You did what? What do you mean for good?”

Erin crossed her arms. “I asked her to stay. She can help out with Celeste. Your father is leaving on his trip soon, and we could use someone else around here.”

Right, because their father was such a massive help when it came to Celeste?

“You’ve got to be kidding me? We can’t have her in the house! Why would you do this?”

“Matthew, lower your voice,” Erin said in an angry whisper.

He stood up and moved to stand next to his mother. “How in the hell are we supposed to make this work?”

“Calm down. I don’t see what the problem is. Julie will pick up Celeste from school and be with her until someone else gets home in the evenings. Your afternoons are now free, and considering the workload you have this year, I should think you’d be pleased. It’s a perfect solution.”

The room seemed be spinning. His mother had to be out of her mind. “And just what are we supposed to do about Finn, huh?”

“Finn?”

“Yes. My dead brother,” Matthew spat out under his breath. “My brother who Julie thinks is—”

“Matthew!” Erin’s face froze and it took a moment for her to speak again. “There is no reason to tell Julie about our personal business. The point is that this is a smooth solution.”

“Oh, Mom… Please don’t do this.”

“This is not a discussion. I’m simply telling you about the arrangements that have been made. And, goodness, you need to relax. There’s really no reason to get to riled up.” Erin frowned and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I’m going into my office to get some work done. Make sure Celeste has her lights off by eight-thirty, okay?”

Once alone, Matt dropped to the bed and lay on his side. He closed his eyes for a minute. The sound of the shower running in the next room soothed him a bit. He couldn’t even process what his mother had done. Perhaps there was no point in trying because there was nothing to be done about it. The decision had been made, as most decisions were in this house, without any regard for how it would affect him. It wasn’t that shocking. The systems and routines that he’d worked so hard to put in place and maintain for Celeste’s benefit could easily come undone now.

He opened his eyes and found himself staring at the thick wooden leg of his desk. Of course, it wasn’t his desk. This wasn’t his room. It was Finn’s. Matt’s real room, the one that been his when life was happier, was across the hall and being taken over by a stranger who liked Flat People, Coolattas, and “interesting.”

Things were about to get really interesting.

Matt squinted at the desk leg and then rolled off the bed until he was sitting on the floor. Huh. He’d never noticed this before, and he took a moment before crawling forward a few feet, nearly entranced by what he was seeing. He knelt down and touched his hand to the old wood, feeling the letters that had been carved there so many years ago.

Are you ready to jump?

His computer sounded and Matt slowly got to his chair, suddenly much more at peace with the swirl of changes that seemed to be engulfing him. He clicked the trackpad a few times.

Dear Finn—

Hope you don’t mind if I hang in your room for a little longer. Your mom suggested I ditch the impossible idea of trying to find a Boston apt. and stay here. Mornings at college, afternoons with Celeste, and evenings defending your room against monsters.

Being a girl and all, I’m resisting the urge to immediately paint your bedroom pink and plaster the wall with pictures of unicorns and rainbows. No promises on how long I can hold out.

How is South Africa? Celeste is waiting for pictures… Hint, hint.

—Julie

 

He smiled softly. If Julie could actually defend his current room against the multitude of monsters that had taken up residence there after Finn’s death, she’d really be one tough girl. If she could make those go away, then…. God, if only. Her enthusiasm, her optimism, her hope? They were all so far from where he was.

He read her message again. And then he sat quietly and stared at the screen.

He should end this now. He knew that.

But then what? Then she would leave, as anyone would, because nobody would stay after learning the truth. While Matt was—if he was honest—a bit taken aback at how well Julie and Celeste connected, the important thing was that Celeste was responding to someone. She certainly hadn’t to him, no matter how hard he had tried. It would be understandable to let someone else try to bring his sister back, wouldn’t it?

With the noise of the shower as his background, Matt began to type. Life wasn’t often fun or relaxed anymore, but as he wrote to Julie, a levity swept over him. Even a touch of joy at being able to joke and talk freely with someone who didn’t look at him as broken. Even as he told himself that Celeste was the one who needed Julie, there was a small part of him that wondered if he might need her, too. If he would ever be ready to jump.

Maybe, Finn, he whispered as he typed. Probably not, but maybe.