“I remember it just barely, Miss Ruiz,” says Reed.

I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. My flickering bulb has long been replaced, but I can still hear the hum and follow along: on-off-on-off-buzz-on. “Why are you here, Reed?” I whisper. I stay focused on the ceiling, focused on my breathing, and try to prepare for what I’m about to hear.

“I told you, to hear the rest of your story,” he says rather seriously.

“It’s not the only reason though, is it?”

“No. It isn’t.” He clears his throat again, “Does the name, James Cole, mean anything to you?”

I’m confused. “No. Why?”

“It came up and I needed to know; that’s all,” Reed says. “Never mind. I guess it’s not important.”

“You wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important, Reed.” He’s piqued my interest and I struggle into a sitting position so I can see his face and gage him better. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days.

Reed leans forward with his arms rested on his knees. “I came to tell you the charges against you are being dropped.” He says it in a rush, flat but full of something else. “Once you’re cleared by your doctor, I’ve been instructed to debrief you. Sign some paperwork and you should be able to leave today.”

“What!?!” I exclaim, my mind reeling. The news is a shock to my system. I’m not ready to go. I’m not ready to start over. I’m not ready to accept Caleb is gone and I have to face the world alone.

“We know where the auction is being held and we know some of the persons attending,” he says. “I wish I could tell you more, but I’ve been instructed to keep it in house. All I can say, is that it’s over, Livvie. You’re free. And you’re safe. You get to have your life back, and so do the other victims.”

My heartbeat feels erratic. I can’t let Reed leave without knowing everything. I need him to understand. My information, my testimony, was my only bargaining chip. Without his need for it, I’m at a loss. “H-how do you know where the auction is?” I ask frantically.

Reed looks at me, “Why do you say it like that?” he demanded, eyes narrowing, “What is it you’re not telling me?”

“Please, Reed. You have to tell me what you know. I’ve been spilling my guts to you for over a damn week. Please don’t keep me in the dark. I deserve to know!” I’m begging him, but I don’t feel ashamed.

“This case is more complicated than anyone could have expected, Miss Ruiz. It’s out of my hands at this point. The Federal Investigation Agency in Pakistan has agreed to lead a joint task force.” Reeds face becomes sour, “Oh, but I’ve been assured my involvement will be mentioned in the report!” Reed stands up and starts to pace. His anger and frustration is plain, but I don’t understand where it’s coming from.

“What does that mean, Reed? What happens once they arrest everyone?” I want to get off the bed and follow Reed as he paces the small room, but I know it will only annoy him and he might not tell me anything.

“It depends,” he says through gritted teeth. He stands still for a moment, thinking something over. When he returns from his thoughts he looks at me and I see regret in his eyes. My heart almost stops.

“There isn’t going to be a trial,” Reed says. He starts pacing again, a fist at the nape of his neck. “I knew it could go down this way. I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew. I’ve been arguing with my boss for the last few hours. There’s just….” Reed seems at a loss. “There’ll be plenty of arrests, I’m sure. The people meant to be auctioned will undoubtedly be given sanctuary, but…there won’t be any justice. Not the kind those victims deserve.”

“How can that be?” I sob. “How can you let that happen?”

“Rafiq is a high level military officer in the Pakistan Army, Livvie. His government isn’t going to allow a scandal to get out. They’ve agreed to let our government be a part of the raid in exchange for keeping their people out of it. When the dust settles, they’re the ones to decide who was there and who wasn’t, that’s how international politics work.”

I feel like someone has hit me in the chest with a battering ram. For the second time in my life, I understand Caleb’s thirst for vengeance. I could kill. I’ve done it before and I don’t feel bad about it. Some people deserve to die.

Tears are running from my eyes without ceasing, I’m soaked through with them. I’m not sad, though. I’m filled with rage and I have no way to let it out. There’s no one to kill, nothing to hit, and nowhere to go.

“Reed,” I sob, “I have to tell you something. Please, please try to understand. I need your help.” My hands are clasped together and I’m holding them so tightly to my chest I can feel my thumb leaving a bruise.

Reed scrubs his hands over his face, “Please don’t tell me something incriminating, Miss Ruiz. There’s nothing I can do right now and if I have to put you back under arrest, it’s going to seriously put a shitty end to an already shitty day. All I have is my integrity. Don’t make me choose between it and you.”

“Please, Reed! I have to tell you the rest of my story,” I plead. It’s the most important part, the part I’ve been saving until I knew I could trust Reed. I just hope I’m not too late.

“I’ve heard all I need to know. My job was to investigate the border incident. You’ve been cleared of charges. My job was to locate the auction – done. I did my job. I came here to tell you you’re free to go and I was willing to listen to the rest of your story if it would give you closure, but if you’re just going to incriminate yourself, I don’t want to hear it. If I hear it, I’ll act on it. Do you understand?”

Reed is angry, but I don’t care. Caleb is too important. He’s sacrificed so much for me, even to the point of protecting me from myself. I would have followed him anywhere, done anything he asked of me, but he’d cared enough not to let me. For all I knew, he would be at the auction, trying to kill Vladek and getting himself killed in the process. It was my turn to save him.

“Please,” I beg, “you have to help him. If you arrest him, I know he’ll live. There’s no telling what will happen to him if he’s in Pakistan. You said it yourself, Rafiq has a lot of power over there. Please! Please, Reed! Help him.”

Reed stands deadly still, but his chest rises and falls harshly with each breath. “Are you telling me Caleb is alive?” Reed hisses.

My heart is racing. “No. Not yet. But if he were? Could you help him?”

“Goddamn it, Livvie!” Reed kicks the chair, “You lied to me!”

“Maybe! Maybe, I did,” I plead. I don’t know if wording things hypothetically changes anything, but I have to try. I have to know if Reed can help me. I have to know if he will. “I needed time and you weren’t giving me any,” I sob, “You came in here, asking me all kinds of questions and calling me a fucking terrorist. What was I supposed to do?”

“You were supposed to tell me the truth! That was the deal. You tell me the truth and I help you,” Reed says and resumes pacing.

“I did tell you the truth! I told you everything you needed to know. I helped you find the auction, but here you are – telling me there’s no justice! So who’s the liar, Reed?” I cry.

Reed turns and glares at me. He looks a lot of things: angry, exhausted, and sad. Finally, he looks away and collapses into the chair.

“Reed?” I hedge closer.

“There’s nothing I can do, Livvie. The team is already on its way and the FIA is calling the shots,” he says.

His words play in a loop in my head until they’re reduced to their true meaning: I’ll never see Caleb again. I feel dead inside. Empty. Hollow. Vivisected.

“There…has to be something,” I croak.

Reed shakes his head.

In my head, I can hear myself screaming. I can see myself clawing at my skin and tearing at my hair. In reality, I’m motionless, no tears, no screams, no flesh being torn from my bones.

Reed is silent. He can’t help me. No one can.