He keeps looking into my eyes, really looking at me as he cups my cheek and grazes his thumb across my cheekbone. “Things with London were always intense and easy because we never talked about anything, really. She made me feel free in a strange way, because she never made me feel like I had to give her anything. We just kind of coexisted.”

I frown. “It sounds like your dream.”

He shakes his head. “I thought so, but I was wrong. I never really knew anything about her. It was easy and fun to be with her, but I think that was because we were high all the time. I think I liked the idea of her, but with you…” He trails off, his eyelids lowering as he chooses his words carefully. “God, half the time you drive me crazy. You challenge my patience. Piss me off. Make me feel things… That’s the thing, Lila. You make me feel things for you, even when I’m fighting it. No one has ever done that to me.”

“So you want to be with me?” I’m so confused. “Even though we sometimes clash?”

“I told you I did a long time ago,” he says, brushing my hair from my eyes.

“When?”

“In the desert. Back when I told you we should go on a road trip together.”

“I thought you were kidding about that.”

He slowly shakes his head, never taking his eyes off me. “At the time I told myself I was, but deep down I’ve known for a while that there’s no way I could leave you behind.” His chest rises and falls as he takes a deep breath. “I… I love you, Lila.”

My heart stops in my chest. I’ve heard the words uttered many times in the heat of the moment, from guy after guy wanting to get into my pants, but never like this. I’ve never known someone like this before we had sex. I’ve never been friends first.

Tears start to form in my eyes as the last six years pour through me. All those years of feeling worthless, unloved, unworthy of love. God, it hurt more than I let on. I can still feel the pain inside my body, haunting me, along with every choice I’ve ever made in life. But the thing is, they’re in the past, and moving forward I need to stop being so fixated on the things that have happened and focus on what I want to happen.

“I love you, too,” I blurt out, overly excited but not caring. “I really do.”

He releases a breath and then smiles. “Jesus, for a second there I thought you were going to reject me or something.”

“Never,” I say and kiss him softly on the lips, feeling the connection I’ve never felt with any other guy. “I could never reject you.”

I start to move back, but he cups his hand around the back of my head and kisses me forcefully. Our lips melt together as we kiss each other passionately, his hands wandering all over my body, across my bare back, tracing a line down my spine. He tastes me, steals my breath away as I press closer to him, wishing that we could stay this way forever.

My heart knocks in my chest as he slips the straps of my dress down my shoulders. I can feel every single aspect of his touch and I embrace it. All those years I was dead inside, locked in a coffin I built myself, and I’m finally free. The contact of our skin sends a rush through my body and a hunger surges through me. I want to feel what I felt the night we had sex. I need to right now. I pull away and he watches me with confusion as I slip my dress down my body, unable to wait any longer. I need him close to me more than I need air.

After I kick my dress to the floor, I return to his lap and straddle him. Before I reconnect my lips to his, I slip his shirt over his head and he watches me the entire time, his expression unreadable. I throw his shirt onto the floor and then trace my fingers along the lines of his muscles and the tattoos that brand them. Each one I’m sure tells a story and one day in the future—our future—I’ll have to get him to tell them to me. I splay my palm flat across his chest, feeling his heart beat against my hand. It thumps hard, erratically, nervously like my own.

“What are you thinking?” I whisper, lifting my gaze from his chest to his eyes.

His tongue slips out as he wets his lips. Then he places his hand over mine and brings it away from his chest and to his lips. “I was thinking about how badly I missed you.” He touches the bottom of my wrist with his lips and places a kiss delicately on my skin.

“You already said that.”

“I know, but it felt like something that needed to be said twice.”

I can’t help but smile at the nice, sweet side of Ethan Gregory that I’ve always loved. I’d tell him, but he’d probably argue, so instead I just kiss him. At first, the kiss starts off sweet, but then suddenly the pace quickens as he undoes the clasp of my bra, tosses it aside, and flips me on my back. I let out a blissful moan as his lips travel from my lips, to my jawline, collarbone, finally resting on my breast. He kisses my nipple, hard, nipping and tugging in a way that almost instantaneously pushes my body to the edge. My back bows up into him and I bite my lip, suppressing a scream as I thread my fingers through his hair, pushing his face closer, wanting more. I’m still not used to it, feeling everything without being medicated. I wish it would always stay this way. I wish we’d want each other as much as we do now. And who knows, maybe we’ll turn out to be one of the lucky ones. Either way it’s worth the risk.

Ethan is worth the risk.

Ethan

I told her I loved her and she said it back. I’m going against everything I believe in and I don’t care. I want her. Want to be with her. Want to do everything with her and the feeling is strange, crazy, unnatural to me, yet it makes me content.

As my fingers wander all over her body, the contentment shifts to passion. I’m trying to take it slow, not wanting her to think that sex is all I’m after, but the desire to feel her, thrust inside her, press our bodies together becomes too overpowering. I rip off her bra, flip her on her back, and cover her body with mine. I suck on her nipples and she keeps whimpering and tugging at my hair and it only makes me more anxious to be inside her. Finally, I can’t take it anymore. I kiss a path down her stomach and spread her legs apart with my hands. She lets out a sequence of moans as I slide my fingers inside her and feel her thoroughly until she screams out my name. When I pull them out, she starts to protest until I bury my face between her legs and slip my tongue inside the spot where my fingers just left.

“Jesus… Ethan…” She groans breathlessly, her hips arching up as she threads her fingers through my hair, tugging at the roots. I kiss her and lick her until she’s quivering and my dick feels like it’s going to explode. Then I move my lips toward her mouth, but she sits up.

Her blue eyes are glazed over as she reaches for the button of my jeans and she flicks it undone, her fingers shaking as she attempts to remove my pants. I help her out and slip out of the jeans and my boxers and kick them to the side. I reach for her panties and jerk them down her legs, noting that she’s quivering. I toss them aside, and then take a condom out of the back pocket of my jeans. I’m about to thrust inside, but pause. She’s trembling even more and I’m starting to grow worried.

“Are you okay?” I ask, needing to make sure because I know what she’s been through and the last thing I ever want to do is pressure her.

She nods her head up and down, her legs opening up as I kneel between them, her hair spread all over the pillow. “I’m fine.”

“You’re shaking, though.”

“I know… I just want this—I want you. Really, really bad.”

Relief washes through me as I lower myself over her, lining our bodies together, and prop an arm on each side of her head. I kiss her tenderly, trying to calm her down, but she continues to shiver and it only amplifies when I slowly slip inside her.

“Oh my God…” she cries out, writhing her hips to meet my movement, nearly pushing me over the edge way too soon. “It feels so good… it does… God, I love you…”