Wish we had something like this in Sarasota.

There were a lot of things he wished they had in Sarasota. He’d been to Venture a few times and was a member of the BDSM club, even had a couple of friends there, but unfortunately there weren’t many single gay guys who went on a regular basis. This weekend, a leather boy contest was being held at the Toucan, meaning not just gay men, but gay men interested in BDSM.

If he was going to fish, he needed to fish in the correct and well-stocked pond for a change.

He’d booked at room at the Toucan for the whole weekend, with late Sunday checkout. He was hoping that, between now and then, maybe he’d meet a couple of prospects, guys interested in more than just a quick fuck.

He wanted a relationship. Being alone had gotten old. At thirty-nine, he was ready to settle down with someone. And the fact that the state’s gay marriage ban had just fallen courtesy of the courts meant he really could have it all. Finally.

If he could find someone to have it all with.

* * * *

Noel clutched the beer bottle in her hand and held it close to her throat, a security blanket more than anything. On the barstool next to her, her friend and fellow teacher, Kennedy Charles, sounded like an ADHD squirrel hopped up on caffeine as she rapid-fire chatted with a guy who’d wandered up to them and now looked like he strongly regretted the decision.

On the other side of Noel sat her friend, Eliza, who was the DD for the night.

Hell, Eliza was usually the DD for their girls’ night outings.

Noel jumped when Eliza tapped her on the shoulder and pointed to the bar’s back deck, which overlooked the Intracoastal.

Gratefully, Noel stood and headed that way while Eliza leaned in and whispered something in Kennedy’s ear.

The poor guy looked like he’d rather go with the two of them than stand there in Kennedy’s clutches, but it was every woman for herself as far as Noel was concerned.

Eliza overtook Noel and gently caught her elbow, steering her toward a back, secluded corner by the railing.

“Spill it,” Eliza said.

Noel felt her face heat in the deepening night. “What?”

“What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

Noel took another sip of her beer to buy her some time. “What?”

Eliza hooked a thumb over her shoulder toward the bar’s interior. “I know you didn’t want to talk about whatever it is in front of chatterbox in there, but I’m your best friend. Is there something going on you need to talk about?”

Hell, if she couldn’t talk to Eliza, she couldn’t talk to anyone. They’d been friends for years. “Yeah,” she quietly admitted.

“The BDSM stuff’s not going so well, huh?”

Noel let out a snort. “You could say that.”

“Rusty and I warned you guys to take it slow, just wet a toe at a time. What happened?”

Noel leaned on the railing and looked down into the water. High tide, the pilings of the adjoining dock were mostly covered. She wished she could melt into the darkness, into the water, never come out.

“He’s gay,” Noel softly said. “Well, he’s bi, but heavily on the gay side of bi.”

“Huh.” Eliza leaned against the railing next to Noel. “I wondered.”

At first, Noel wasn’t sure she’d heard Eliza right. “What?”

Eliza shrugged. “Just a hunch Rusty and I had.”

“How could I be the last one to know?”

“Women sometimes are. Usually are. So what now?”

“You’re not shocked?”

“No. Why? Should I be? When did he tell you?”

“About two years ago.”

Eliza nearly choked on the sip of iced tea she’d been taking. “What? That’s when you guys started the BDSM stuff.”

“Yeah. I know. I was compromising. Trying to keep him happy. I didn’t tell you about the rest.”

“Obviously.” Eliza let out another cough and finally composed herself. “How about you start over. Why are you so upset tonight?”

“There’s a thing going on at some resort in St. Pete this weekend. A gay leather thing. I told him if he wanted to go, he could. And if something happened…”

“Ah.” Eliza remained silent for a moment. “That he could do whatever.”

“Yeah. As long as he’s safe. I want him to be happy.”

“So what now? Are you guys going to get divorced?”

“He said he doesn’t want to.”

“Or is he saying that for your benefit?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to get divorced either. For all the reasons.”

“All the reasons” being her extremely conservative and religious parents, who hadn’t been thrilled about her marrying Scott in the first place.

Fortunately, her parents lived in Indiana. The past two years when Noel and Scott had gone up to visit them, as they had during the previous eight years of their marriage, they’d pretended all was well and dodged the inevitable questions about when they’d have grandchildren, like Noel’s two brothers and two sisters. She’d always wished to have a closer relationship with them, seeking their approval, even though she never understood why she needed it. Her marriage dissolving would be one more failing in their ever-judgmental eyes.

“So the tl;dr is that you’re living in limbo for now,” Eliza said.

“I guess.” Her friend had an annoyingly accurate way of slicing through the fat and right to the bone, cutting through the bullshit.

The truth was, Noel didn’t want to divorce Scott. She loved him. And he still did things with her in bed. She’d hoped by helping him with the BDSM part of stuff, the strap-on play, the bondage, the domination, the impact play, that maybe it would be enough for him.

Perhaps in her heart she’d always known it wouldn’t be, but she’d hoped that old chestnut would prove true, about if you loved something and set it free.

Maybe she’d set him free, but what if he wasn’t hers to have in the first place? Would he even come back?

Scott had gone out on dates a few times locally, guys he’d met online, but nothing that had panned out for him. He still hadn’t had any sexual encounters with a man, even though she’d given him permission to. He’d promised her he wouldn’t randomly sleep around, and that he wouldn’t blow up their marriage for anything less than what he felt for her already.

In her heart, she’d always hoped he never would leave, never would find someone else. She knew he loved her. She felt loved.

She also couldn’t help feeling less-than. There were lots of things she could and would do to make her husband happy.

Unfortunately, growing a penis or changing her chromosomal makeup wasn’t one of them.

Eliza looked contemplative. “You’re hoping he sows some wild oats and comes home happy for a while, right?”

Noel looked at Eliza. “That’s creepy.” She knew she didn’t have to explain what she meant to her friend.

Eliza shrugged. “It’s a blessing and a curse.” She slung an arm around Noel’s shoulders. “You aren’t the first woman in the history of the world to be a beard, and you won’t be the last, unfortunately. But only you can decide what’s right for you.”

“I don’t know what’s right for me.” Noel knew what a divorce would mean, basically having to cut herself off from contact with her family or face their “told you so” wrath that they’d been holding on to for ten years.

In their eyes, Scott wasn’t good enough not just for Noel, but for “the family.” They’d reluctantly suffered Noel’s decision to be a teacher, thinking she was simply rebelling, when everyone else was either a lawyer or involved in banking, or a high-ranking corporate wonk, something “successful,” in other words.

Not…that.

To them, being a teacher was a thankless, dead-end, broke-ass job that wouldn’t lead her anywhere in life. Not when her father was a successful entrepreneur who ran a Fortune 500 investment company. Not when her eldest brother was a corporate attorney for one of the largest pharmaceutical firms in the US. Not when her other brother was a circuit court judge with eyes on running for state representative, and then perhaps later the Senate or House of Representatives.