“Just what I said, I never slept with them. I had on shorts and boxers under the sheets. They were naked but I didn’t touch them.” He paused for a short breath and ran his hands over his head contemplating his next words. “I could have, but I didn’t. I was in love with you, Jenna. You were the only woman I wanted naked in my bed then and now.”

“Jamieson—” I started but was immediately cut off.

“I know, Jenna. You don’t have to remind me that I ruined everything. I understand that better than anyone but I refuse to hide my feelings from you any longer. I know you know it was no surprise I ended up on the same plane as you bound for Las Vegas. I admit I sought you out. I had to see you again before it was too late.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “Why Jamieson, why did you have to do it. I was happy.”

“No you weren’t, Jenna. The minute you began talking to me in that booth I knew you weren’t happy. You lit up when you saw me just like you used to do and that’s when I knew that things weren’t over between us. I knew I could never have that effect on you if you truly loved someone else.”

I couldn’t argue with that. I may have been willing to marry Cain but deep down inside of me I knew I didn’t love him like I loved Jamieson.

“Jamieson…I don’t think things can ever be the same between us. Too much has happened. Too much time has passed. I won’t deny that I have feelings for you. I probably will always have them. I accepted that fact a long time ago but that doesn’t mean I am willing to chance getting my heart broken by you a second time. I mean look what has already happened. My life has literally imploded since you have reemerged in it. I have lost my fiancé, my wedding, my job, my life plan and even my apartment. I literally have nothing left except my heart for you to obliterate and that I refuse to risk, not again.” I told him defiantly. I then stood up and nervously made my way to the kitchen for some distance.

He followed me. I had my back to him and was leaning over the sink trying to maintain my resilience.

“What do you mean you lost your apartment?” Seriously that is the only the only thing he heard in that entire conversation?

I didn’t turn around to face him. I couldn’t, I was too ashamed at my own misfortune. “Since I lost my job and so far have yet to find another, thanks to the Stratford’s deep ties to the legal community here. I can no longer afford my rent and my student loans. I move out next week.” I told him.

“Where will you go?” he asked in a gentle tone.

“Jacks’, her and Lukas have a spare room.”

“You can’t do that.” he said simply in return.

“I have to. It won’t be so bad. I will get to see Libby every day and I can help Jacks now that she is pregnant again.” Jacks had announced a few months ago she was pregnant and she just recently found out she was having a boy. Celebrating the upcoming birth of my nephew was the only thing I did look forward to these days.

“Don’t move in with your sister, move in with me.”

I spun around to face him; sure I would see his pity. But when I did see his face I was unnerved. Jamieson’s face didn’t hold pity, it held only kindness.

“Thank you for offering, but I can’t.” I told him simply.

“You are my wife, Jenna, it’s only right for us to live together.” He replied sternly but cautiously.

“We both know this marriage is not real.” I huffed out in frustration.

“Fine. Let me pay for your rent then.” I could tell his frustration level was increasing.

“No, I refuse to take your money, Jamieson.” I snapped and turned back around leaning over the sink. I willed myself not to cry.

I heard him shift his weight behind me and let out a ragged breath. “Look, I have a huge house. You can take the spare room. You can do whatever you like to it; make it completely your space. I can have all the stuff moved out of it and all of yours moved in this week. Just let me know and it will be done.”

This was the Jamieson I remembered. The sweet but take no excuses man that demanded so much and left me questioning his motives. I considered his offer for a half a second before remembering our circumstances.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“I know you don’t, but I promise it will be fine,” he said with a hint of optimism.

“Let me think about it. I need to think about a lot of things.” I realized we were at an impasse for the evening.

“Fine, do that.”

I didn’t hear him close the distance between us but I felt him standing right behind me.

“Jamieson…” I didn’t really know what I was going to say, his name just came out through the electricity in the air.

He placed one strong palm on my hip shifting me to face him once again.

“I know you don’t trust me, Jenna and I also know you have every right to those feelings, but I promise I will not hurt you again. Please just let me help you.”

His kindness broke the well-built dam inside me and a lone tear slipped down my cheek. Jamieson reached up with his free hand and brushed it away.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, Jenna. I know hearing my truth tonight was hard but you needed to know, it was time.” He whispered softly while still cupping the side of my face.

“I do appreciate you telling me everything finally but it doesn’t make it any less hurtful.” “I know that. I am solely to blame for the mess that was made. Please just know that there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, Jenna. All you need to do is ask.” he said pulling me towards him. I went willing into his arms and he kissed my forehead as he held me tightly. His hard chest felt like heaven. I had missed him all these years. I had missed the safety I felt when I was with him. It was odd feeling so cherished in the arms of someone so deceitful.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

June 26, 2010…

It had been almost four months since I had fled the horrific scene I walked in on at Jamieson’s house. I had not heard from him. I had heard through Audrey who occasionally still talked to Derrick, that Jamieson had moved to London. The news hit me hard at first. It made things seem so final in a way to have him living so far away, but as the months passed I found comfort in knowing I wouldn’t run into him randomly. I knew our paths would definitely not cross and it gave me the ability to heal in a way I don’t think I would have been able to had I thought he was still so close by. If I am totally honest with myself though, Jamieson did weigh into my decision to leave for Vanderbilt early. Before I had learned he was living in London, I had made arrangements to move a month earlier than I had originally expected to. Audrey, being the amazing friend she is, agreed to move early with me so I wouldn’t be alone. I was looking forward to law school. I knew it was going to be an overwhelming experience but I was ready for a new adventure. I was also more than ready to have something other than my emotional trauma to consume me.

Audrey and I were leaving in a few days and Olivia had insisted on throwing us a big going away bash at Havens. For the first time in a long while I actually felt excited and a little like my old self. I was looking forward to seeing my friends and celebrating one last time before I tackled the monumental feat.

“Is this dress too short?” I asked Audrey as we walked arm-in-arm toward the bar.

“Hell no! It makes that big booty of yours look amazing.” Audrey reassured me.

I had chosen a tight jersey dress with a low back and my favorite studded heals. Audrey wore a cute pair of black shorts and a gold shimmery top with sky high stilettos. She looked fierce as usual.

“So do you know who is coming tonight?” I asked Audrey. Olivia had kept all the details of our party pretty quiet.

“I have no idea.” She led the way into the bar.