That’s all I get out of him. He puts his hand on my shoulder and I feel like a prisoner being led to the firing squad. We trudge through the deep snow that has drifted up between the trees and finally come to a halt about a hundred feet from the frozen Yellowstone River.

“What are we doing, Merc?”

He does not miss the fact that I called him by his trade name, and he shoots me a look. “We’re gonna check a trap.”

My heart starts to beat wildly and my feet are frozen in the snowdrift I’m standing in. “I don’t want to check traps.”

“I know,” he says in that voice that tells me he’s all business. “But you’re gonna anyway.”

He walks a little further on, almost dragging me now, and then we both slide down an embankment—sending a small avalanche ahead of us.

“Are you gonna cut a hole in the ice and drop me in?” I laugh a little, but the frown he sends over his shoulder makes me shut up.

“Don’t get crazy on me yet.” He reaches out and pulls a long pine branch, making the snow fall off as he gets it free.

My heart skips when I see what’s inside. “What are you—”

“Shhh,” he says. “Don’t freak out on me now. OK?” I look him in the eyes for that, because this is most definitely the killer voice.

The rabbit inside the cage is paralyzed with fear.

I know the feeling.

Merc picks up the cage and shakes it a little to get it free from the twigs that he used for camouflage. The rabbit goes berserk inside, bouncing off the wire walls. “Follow me, Syd.”

He walks a little further down the embankment right to the edge of the river. The Yellowstone freezes, but it’s not always safe to walk on. “I don’t like the ice!” I call out, several yards behind him now. My feet feel heavy. My body is reacting to what we might be out here doing. If he makes me kill this rabbit—

He sets the cage down on the bank, squatting down with it. He’s wearing white camo winter gear, like me. We match and we blend. This thought gives me the courage to follow.

What is he doing?

He looks up at me, pushes his sunglasses up to the top of his head, and then smiles. “What did you tell me yesterday about the rabbit? Have I ever heard a rabbit scream?”

“Did I say that out loud?”

“Uh—yes.” He gives me a stern look, his amber eyes catching the sunlight out of the east.

“I don’t think I did,” I reply, already out of breath from that one brief mention. “I don’t think I’ve ever said those words out loud before.”

“I drugged you, Sydney. Remember? You were hysterical, going on and on about a rabbit. That show triggered a memory. You talked about it a little. You told me—”

“No!” I scream it so loud the rabbit begins to squeak, and I swear to God, if it screams—

“Sydney, sit down. Now. Right here,” he says, patting the ground in front of the trap.

“I don’t want to,” I whisper. “I really, really don’t want to be near the rabbit.”

“Do you realize it’s irrational to refuse?”

I nod. I do realize that.

“Do you understand that this will help you get past it?”

“No. It won’t. It will just make everything worse. This is why you want me out here! This is why you’ve been so nice. You wanted to trick me into telling you things!”

“Do you have things to tell me, Syd?” He asks that question so calmly. His reaction is such a stark difference between us.

“I don’t want to talk about the rabbit. I don’t want to talk about the rabbit!”

“Sit,” he commands.

I close my eyes. I know this is wrong. Everything about this is wrong. But when he gets up and takes my hand, I feel helpless again. Just like all those years I spent with Garrett. I follow him over to the cage where the white snowshoe hare is in shock with fright.

I know that feeling.

“Open the cage, Sydney.”

Dear God, please, please don’t make me kill this rabbit.

“Open it.”

I get up and walk to the cage, and then bend down and unhook the latch on the door. I look over my shoulder at Merc and he nods, so I lift up the wire and fling it back. It clangs against the top, but the rabbit is too frightened to move.

“Now step back here with me.”

I walk back and squat down next to him, unsure of what’s happening. “Now what?” I whisper.

“Now,” he says, turning to me with a smile, “we wait.”

“For what?”

“For the shock to wear off and for the rabbit to leave.” I frown at him. “We’re setting it free, Syd. We’re setting you free too.”

“All I can do is open the door. I can’t make you walk out.”

– Case

She has the most confused look on her face. How can it be so hard for this girl to get it? “He brainwashed you, Sydney. It took years and years and years to do that. Do you understand? I was a PSYOPS in the army. With Garrett. We did it together, like a team.”

She sits her butt on the ground. Not to get comfortable, I don’t think, but because she doesn’t have the strength to squat anymore.

She’s in shock. Just like that rabbit.

“We were in charge of people. Company people, Syd. Do you understand what I mean by that?”

She nods. “People like me.”

“Yes, unfortunately. People just like you. Mothers and daughters. You know what it means to be born a Company kid. You know they own you if you’re a girl. You know that they ask the parents when a girl is born if they agree to the mother-daughter promise or not. And what happens to the mothers when they don’t agree?”

“They kill them.” She says it like a robot. She’s caught up in her memories.

“That’s right. They kill them. So if a Company girl grows up with a mother, even if that mother dies when she is small, what does that mean, Sydney?”

She looks me in the face for this and I know, of all the terrible things I’ve done for the wrong reasons, this terrible thing is for the right one. “The mothers agreed to sell those daughters and allow them to be… used.”

“That’s right. Your mother agreed. At least at first. I don’t know what happened with your mother. Or your father. I only know that part is true. She did this to you. They both did this to you.”

“Was I your assignment? In the army?”

“No. I saw you for the first time out there at that cabin. But I had other assignments. Garrett and I had them together. I didn’t understand what the Company was back then. I didn’t understand that they were a shadow government that exists right here in the US, right alongside real people and regular governments. But I got an order once—Garrett and I got an order once. Probably the same kind of order that the Company man who killed your mother got.”

She licks her lips and the cold wind dries them immediately. Her face is flushed and I know that if I were to check her heart rate right now, it would be off the charts. But she’s holding it together, so I continue.

“And we were ordered to take care of this Company mother-daughter pair.”

“Did you do it?” She has hope in her eyes that I didn’t, and it kills me to admit that I did.

“Yes. I did it. I did it because Garrett had already raped the mother and he was going for the little girl next. She was twelve. The same age Sasha was when they tried to take her. Her mother never gave her up. They killed her before Sasha ever left the hospital when she was born. But her father did things that were against the rules. It was a father-daughter kill that night I was sent to save you. And I chose to save her instead.”

“You left me there.”

“I know.”

“Because I wasn’t worth saving?” She’s crying now. Silent frozen tears.

I lean in and grab her face, holding it in both my hands as I look her in the eyes. “That’s not why,” I whisper. “I just figured you would be OK. You were sixteen. Sasha was only twelve. I made a choice and I’d like to say I regret it, but I don’t. I love Sasha very much. She is the only good thing that has ever happened to me.”