“Give me five minutes to talk. Please, just hear me out,” I urge. “If after that you don’t want to be here anymore, then I won’t ever bother you again.” That’s a bold-faced lie. There’s no way I wouldn’t—couldn’t—try to get her back again, but I want her to feel in control right now. The last thing I want is to make her anymore defensive than she already is.

The resolve in her eyes fades as she detects the desperation in mine. “Five minutes.” She glances down at her watch, like she’s actually going to time me. “Whatcha got?”

With my hands still on her shoulders, I close the gap between us a little bit more. The first part of my speech, I want us to be face-to-face so she can see the sincerity pouring from every part of me.

“I thought the day Caleb was diagnosed with epilepsy was the worse day of my life,” I plant my feet, bracing to bare my raw emotions, “but nothing could’ve prepared me for what I felt the morning I found him on the floor. I was fucking gutted. Not being there to protect my baby brother? Shit, Hudson. How could I look anybody in the eye? It was…the worst fucking weight imaginable.”

Stopping for a few seconds, I breathe myself through the memory, just as my therapist taught me to do. “I fucked up and I know it. I used you. Heartlessly. Callously. Repeatedly. I was a selfish fucking bastard, too blind to see you were hurting too. That you needed me too. And I needed to hurt somebody. I needed somebody else to feel the same crushing pain I was drowning in. And…you were there. So I hurt you. Took you down with me. Self-fucking-destruction.

“And, Hudson, what I finally figured out was that hurt worse than Caleb’s death. ‘Cause his was an accident. But pushing you away? That was all me. All my fucking fault. And I didn’t think I deserved forgiveness. I’ll never deserve you. Ever. But, Caleb? He’d kick my ass if I didn’t try. If I didn’t swallow every bit of pride I’d ever thought I had and at least give the truth.

“Being with you—even then, even when my world had fallen apart and I’d turned it into something ugly, some farce of what we’d had—you made me so damn happy. And I felt like I was cheating on Caleb’s memory if I stole any shred of happiness with you. So I had to destroy it. To punish myself.”

I release her shoulders, lifting my hands to wipe away the tears streaming down both of her cheeks. She doesn’t flinch or back away. My heart pounds. “I want you to turn around and look at this place for a minute.”

Slow to do as I ask, she gradually spins around to face the wide-open space, methodically taking in everything I have ready for her. I eliminate the distance between us, stepping up behind her to press my chest against her back, and slip my arms around her waist.

“Hudson,” I whisper into her neck, inhaling the refreshing smell of her shampoo. “I’m sorry. I never want you to doubt how sorry I am for the way I treated you.”

The tip of my nose traces along the shell of her ear. First up, then down. “I miss you. From the first day we hung out, all I’ve thought about is you. Your smile…fuck, those lips, the things they do to me. Your spirit. You heal people, Hudson, and I wasn’t ready to be healed. To be whole. But I can’t live like this any longer. In pieces without you. I can’t be whole without you.”

My mouth drops to the base of her neck, feathering over the silky skin to the exposed collarbone. “And, fuck, Hudson, I’m ready to live again. But I can’t do that without you. How I made it through my first nineteen years, I’ll never fucking understand, because my life didn’t start until you entered it.”

Her cheeks lift in a feeble smile at my light-hearted comment, and mine follow suit. I draw her against me and she doesn’t pull away. Pushing my luck, I feather kisses down her neck gently, hoping to God I’m not moving too fast.

“I want you.” Pressing my hips against her, my thickening cock nestles between her ass cheeks, which feel almost fucking naked covered by only a pair of thin black leggings. My hands grip her small waist, desperate to claim her fully. “Every minute of every hour of every day. All I want is you. It fucking consumes me.”

“Crew.” My name sounds like something between a breath and a moan as it escapes her mouth.

Raising my lips up to her jaw, I lazily kiss my way back to her ear. “Do you see this place, snow angel? This is to prove to you how serious I am about you—about us. If you’re willing, I’d like to spend the entire New Year’s weekend here. Just you and me. There’s a refrigerator full of food, a hot tub to relax in, a stocked DVD library, and a comfortable-ass king-sized bed.”

She leans her head on my shoulder and tilts her head up to look up at me, her eyes wildly searching. “I’m not sure what to say.”

“I was afraid you may need a little more convincing,” I kiss the tip of her nose and release my hold on her to reach for the gift in my back pocket, “so I have this for you too.”

Twirling back around to face me, her eyes flit down to the rectangular package wrapped in solid silver paper I’m holding out to her, then up to me. “Wha—what is it?”

“A gift…your Christmas gift.” My voice trembles slightly, shoving it into her grasp. This is my trump card. If this doesn’t work… “Open it.”

Not needing to be told twice, her fingers make quick work of the paper, ripping and shredding the masterpiece I spent nearly half an hour to create in less than ten seconds. When she opens the black box and peers inside, she sucks in a sharp breath at the sight of her Grams’ cigarette case completely restored.

“Crew,” she whispers, covering her heart with her free hand. “How did you do this?”

“Look inside.” I ignore her question, eager for her to get to the other part of the gift. The part that’s got my pulse jackhammering and my gut flipped inside out.

Gently popping the latch free, she carefully opens the top and sees the lone joint inside with the words ‘I love you’ written on it, completing the set of messages.

She’s crying again, and going off the bright smile plastered on her face, I’m assuming they’re happy tears. Bringing both of my hands up to her neck, I cradle her face in my palms and tell her what I’ve been dying to tell her for days.

“I know we’re young, and I know we’ve still got a lot to learn about ourselves, each other, and life in general, but I don’t want to do any of that without you by my side. I hate the circumstances that brought us together, and I hate even more that I tore us apart, but I love you, Hudson Shavell. Give me the chance to show you just how much, and I promise you won’t regret it.”

“Crew.” She sniffles, wiping away the dark streaks from her face. “I can’t—”

 

 

“Crew.” I hiccup through my muffled sob. “I can’t—”

His lips crash down onto mine and steal the rebuttal straight out of my mouth...along with every other sensible thought I have. The strong fingers cupping my face slip to the back of my neck, anchoring my head as they tangle in the loose tendrils at my nape, and he kisses me harder. Determined to plead his case.

Gently coaxing my lips open with his tongue, he invades my mouth with effortless strokes, silently reminding me of the taste—his taste—I constantly crave, even when I’m infuriated with him.

He draws my bottom lip in between his and sucks hard while his teeth nip at the swollen flesh, eliciting a soft whimper from me. Then, tenderly brushing his tongue over the sting, the pain melts away, taking my reservations with it.

"Hudson," he breathes as our mouths slowly break apart. "Please don't say you can't. I know I've got a lot of shit to make up for, and I will. Not only tonight. Not only this weekend. But from this point forward."