Exeunt Bertram, Paroles, and the army

WIDOW

The troop is past. Come, pilgrim, I will bring you

Where you shall host. Of enjoined penitents

There’s four or five to great Saint Jaques bound

Already at my house.

HELEN

I humbly thank you.

Please it this matron and this gentle maid

To eat with us tonight, the charge and thanking

Shall be for me. And to requite you further,

I will bestow some precepts of this virgin

Worthy the note.

WIDOW and MARIANA We’ll take your offer kindly. Exeunt

3.6 Enter Bertram and the two Captains Dumaine SECOND LORD DUMAINE (to Bertram) Nay, good my lord, put him to’t. Let him have his way.

FIRST LORD DUMAINE (to Bertram) If your lordship find him not a hilding, hold me no more in your respect.

SECOND LORD DUMAINE (to Bertram) On my life, my lord, a bubble.

BERTRAM Do you think I am so far deceived in him?

SECOND LORD DUMAINE Believe it, my lord. In mine own direct knowledge—without any malice, but to speak of him as my kinsman—he’s a most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise-breaker, the owner of no one good quality worthy your lordship’s entertainment. 13

FIRST LORD DUMAINE (to Bertram) It were fit you knew him, lest reposing too far in his virtue, which he hath not, he might at some great and trusty business, in a main danger, fail you.

BERTRAM I would I knew in what particular action to try him.

FIRST LORD DUMAINE None better than to let him fetch off his drum, which you hear him so confidently undertake to do.

SECOND LORD DUMAINE (to Bertram) I, with a troop of Florentines, will suddenly surprise him. Such I will have whom I am sure he knows not from the enemy; we will bind and hoodwink him so, that he shall suppose no other but that he is carried into the laager of the adversary’s when we bring him to our own tents. Be but your lordship present at his examination: if he do not, for the promise of his life and in the highest compulsion of base fear, offer to betray you, and deliver all the intelligence in his power against you, and that with the divine forfeit of his soul upon oath, never trust my judgement in anything. 34

FIRST LORD DUMAINE (to Bertram) O, for the love of laughter, let him fetch his drum. He says he has a stratagem for’t. When your lordship sees the bottom of his success in’t, and to what metal this counterfeit lump of ore will be melted, if you give him not John Drum’s entertainment, your inclining cannot be removed. Here he comes.

Enter Paroles

SECOND LORD DUMAINE O ⌈aside⌉ for the love of laughter ⌈aloud⌉ hinder not the honour of his design; let him fetch off his drum in any hand.

BERTRAM (to Paroles) How now, monsieur? This drum sticks sorely in your disposition.

FIRST LORD DUMAINE A pox on’t, let it go. ’Tis but a drum.

PAROLES But a drum? Is’t but a drum? A drum so lost! There was excellent command: to charge in with our horse upon our own wings and to rend our own soldiers! 51

FIRST LORD DUMAINE That was not to be blamed in the command of the service. It was a disaster of war that Caesar himself could not have prevented, if he had been there to command.

BERTRAM) Well, we cannot greatly condemn our success. Some dishonour we had in the loss of that drum, but it is not to be recovered.

PAROLES It might have been recovered.

BERTRAM It might, but it is not now.

PAROLES It is to be recovered. But that the merit of service is seldom attributed to the true and exact performer, I would have that drum or another, or ‘hic iacet’.

BERTRAM Why, if you have a stomach, to’t, monsieur. If you think your mystery in stratagem can bring this instrument of honour again into his native quarter, be magnanimous in the enterprise and go on. I will grace the attempt for a worthy exploit. If you speed well in it, the Duke shall both speak of it and extend to you what further becomes his greatness, even to the utmost syllable of your worthiness.

PAROLES By the hand of a soldier, I will undertake it.

BERTRAM) But you must not now slumber in it.

PAROLES I’ll about it this evening, and I will presently pen down my dilemmas, encourage myself in my certainty, put myself into my mortal preparation; and by midnight look to hear further from me.

BERTRAM) May I be bold to acquaint his grace you are gone about it?

PAROLES I know not what the success will be, my lord, but the attempt I vow.

BERTRAM) I know thou’rt valiant, and to the possibility of thy soldiership will subscribe for thee. Farewell.

PAROLES I love not many words. Exit

SECOND LORD DUMAINE No more than a fish loves water. (To Bertram) Is not this a strange fellow, my lord, that so confidently seems to undertake this business, which he knows is not to be done? Damns himself to do, and dares better be damned than to do’t.

FIRST LORD DUMAINE (to Bertram) You do not know him, my lord, as we do. Certain it is that he will steal himself into a man’s favour, and for a week escape a great deal of discoveries, but when you find him out, you have him ever after.

BERTRAM) Why, do you think he will make no deed at all of this that so seriously he does address himself unto?

SECOND LORD DUMAINE None in the world, but return with an invention, and clap upon you two or three probable lies. But we have almost embosked him. You shall see his fall tonight; for indeed he is not for your lordship’s respect.

FIRST LORD DUMAINE (to Bertram) We’ll make you some sport with the fox ere we case him. He was first smoked by the old Lord Lafeu. When his disguise and he is parted, tell me what a sprat you shall find him, which you shall see this very night. 106

SECOND LORD DUMAINE

I must go look my twigs. He shall be caught.

BERTRAM

Your brother, he shall go along with me.

⌈SECOND⌉ LORD DUMAINE As’t please your lordship. I’ll leave you. Exit

BERTRAM

Now will I lead you to the house, and show you 111

The lass I spoke of.

⌈FIRST⌉ LORD DUMAINE But you say she’s honest.

BERTRAM

That’s all the fault. I spoke with her but once

And found her wondrous cold, but I sent to her

By this same coxcomb that we have i’th’ wind 115

Tokens and letters, which she did re-send,

And this is all I have done. She’s a fair creature.

Will you go see her?

⌈FIRST⌉ LORD DUMAINE With all my heart, my lord.

Exeunt

3.7 Enter Helen and the Widow

HELEN

If you misdoubt me that I am not she,

I know not how I shall assure you further

But I shall lose the grounds I work upon.

WIDOW

Though my estate be fall’n, I was well born,

Nothing acquainted with these businesses,

And would not put my reputation now

In any staining act.

HELEN

Nor would I wish you.

First give me trust the Count he is my husband,

And what to your sworn counsel I have spoken