Why day is day, night night, and time is time,

Were nothing but to waste night, day, and time.

Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit,

And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes,

I will be brief. Your noble son is mad—

‘Mad’ call I it, for to define true madness,

What is’t but to be nothing else but mad?

But let that go.

QUEEN GERTRUDE More matter with less art.

POLONIUS

Madam, I swear I use no art at all.

That he is mad, ‘tis true; ’tis true ‘tis pity,

And pity ’tis ‘tis true—a foolish figure,

But farewell it, for I will use no art.

Mad let us grant him, then; and now remains

That we find out the cause of this effect—

Or rather say ’the cause of this defect‘,

For this effect defective comes by cause.

Thus it remains, and the remainder thus.

Perpend.

I have a daughter—have whilst she is mine—

Who in her duty and obedience, mark,

Hath given me this. Now gather and surmise.

He reads a letter

’To the celestial and my soul’s idol, the most beautified

Ophelia‘—that’s an ill phrase, a vile phrase, ‘beautified’

is a vile phrase. But you shall hear—‘these in her

excellent white bosom, these’.

QUEEN GERTRUDE Came this from Hamlet to her?

POLONIUS

Good madam, stay a while. I will be faithful.

‘Doubt thou the stars are fire,

Doubt that the sun doth move,

Doubt truth to be a liar,

But never doubt I love.

O dear Ophelia, I am ill at these numbers. I have not

art to reckon my groans. But that I love thee best, O

most best, believe it. Adieu.

Thine evermore, most dear lady, whilst this

machine is to him,

Hamlet.’

This in obedience hath my daughter showed me,

And more above hath his solicitings,

As they fell out by time, by means, and place,

All given to mine ear.

KING CLAUDIUS

But how hath she

Received his love?

POLONIUS

What do you think of me?

KING CLAUDIUS

As of a man faithful and honourable.

POLONIUS

I would fain prove so. But what might you think,

When I had seen this hot love on the wing,

As I perceived it—I must tell you that—

Before my daughter told me, what might you,

Or my dear majesty your queen here, think,

If I had played the desk or table-book,

Or given my heart a winking mute and dumb,

Or looked upon this love with idle sight—

What might you think? No, I went round to work,

And my young mistress thus I did bespeak:

‘Lord Hamlet is a prince out of thy star.

This must not be’. And then I precepts gave her,

That she should lock herself from his resort,

Admit no messengers, receive no tokens;

Which done, she took the fruits of my advice,

And he, repulsèd-a short tale to make—

Fell into a sadness, then into a fast,

Thence to a watch, thence into a weakness,

Thence to a lightness, and, by this declension,

Into the madness wherein now he raves,

And all we wail for.

KING CLAUDIUS (to Gertrude) Do you think ’tis this?

QUEEN GERTRUDE It may be; very likely.

POLONIUS

Hath there been such a time—I’d fain know that—

That I have positively said ‘ ’Tis so’

When it proved otherwise?

KING CLAUDIUS

Not that I know.

POLONIUS (touching his head, then his shoulder)

Take this from this if this be otherwise.

If circumstances lead me I will find

Where truth is hid, though it were hid indeed

Within the centre.

KING CLAUDIUS

How may we try it further?

POLONIUS

You know sometimes he walks four hours together

Here in the lobby.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

So he does indeed.

POLONIUS

At such a time I’ll loose my daughter to him.

(To Claudius) Be you and I behind an arras then.

Mark the encounter. If he love her not,

And be not from his reason fall’n thereon,

Let me be no assistant for a state,

But keep a farm and carters.

KING CLAUDIUS

We will try it.

Enter Prince Hamlet, madly attired, reading on a book

QUEEN GERTRUDE

But look where sadly the poor wretch comes reading.

POLONIUS

Away, I do beseech you both, away.

I’ll board him presently. O give me leave.

Exeunt Claudius and Gertrude

How does my good Lord Hamlet?

HAMLET Well, God-‘a’-mercy.

POLONIUS Do you know me, my lord?

HAMLET Excellent, excellent well. You’re a fishmonger.

POLONIUS Not I, my lord.

HAMLET Then I would you were so honest a man.

POLONIUS Honest, my lord?

HAMLET Ay, sir. To be honest, as this world goes, is to be one man picked out of ten thousand.

POLONIUS That’s very true, my lord.

HAMLET For if the sun breed maggots in a dead dog, being a good kissing carrion—have you a daughter?

POLONIUS I have, my lord.

HAMLET Let her not walk i’th’ sun. Conception is a blessing, but not as your daughter may conceive. Friend, look to’t.

POLONIUS (aside) How say you by that? Still harping on my daughter. Yet he knew me not at first—a said I was a fishmonger. A is far gone, far gone, and truly, in my youth I suffered much extremity for love, very near this. I’ll speak to him again.—What do you read, my lord?

HAMLET Words, words, words.

POLONIUS What is the matter, my lord?

HAMLET Between who?