CELIA But didst thou hear without wondering how thy name should be hanged and carved upon these trees?
ROSALIND I was seven of the nine days out of the wonder before you came; for look here what I found on a palm-tree; (showing Celia the verses) I was never so berhymed since Pythagoras’ time that I was an Irish rat, which I can hardly remember.
CELIA Trow you who hath done this?
ROSALIND Is it a man?
CELIA And a chain that you once wore about his neck. Change you colour?
ROSALIND I prithee, who?
CELIA O Lord, Lord, it is a hard matter for friends to meet. But mountains may be removed with earthquakes, and so encounter.
ROSALIND Nay, but who is it?
CELIA Is it possible?
ROSALIND Nay, I prithee now with most petitionary vehemence, tell me who it is.
CELIA O wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful-wonderful, and yet again wonderful, and after that out of all whooping!
ROSALIND Good my complexion! Dost thou think, though I am caparisoned like a man, I have a doublet and hose in my disposition? One inch of delay more is a South Sea of discovery. I prithee tell me who is it quickly, and speak apace. I would thou couldst stammer, that thou mightst pour this concealed man out of thy mouth as wine comes out of a narrow-mouthed bottle—either too much at once, or none at all. I prithee, take the cork out of thy mouth, that I may drink thy tidings.
CELIA So you may put a man in your belly.
ROSALIND Is he of God’s making? What manner of man? Is his head worth a hat? Or his chin worth a beard?
CELIA Nay, he hath but a little beard.
ROSALIND Why, God will send more, if the man will be thankful. Let me stay the growth of his beard, if thou delay me not the knowledge of his chin.
CELIA It is young Orlando, that tripped up the wrestler’s heels and your heart both in an instant.
ROSALIND Nay, but the devil take mocking. Speak sad brow and true maid.
CELIA I‘faith, coz, ’tis he.
ROSALIND Orlando?
CELIA Orlando.
ROSALIND Alas the day, what shall I do with my doublet and hose! What did he when thou sawest him? What said he? How looked he? Wherein went he? What makes he here? Did he ask for me? Where remains he? How parted he with thee? And when shalt thou see him again? Answer me in one word.
CELIA You must borrow me Gargantua’s mouth first, ’tis a word too great for any mouth of this age’s size. To say ay and no to these particulars is more than to answer in a catechism.
ROSALIND But doth he know that I am in this forest, and in man’s apparel? Looks he as freshly as he did the day he wrestled?
CELIA It is as easy to count atomies as to resolve the propositions of a lover; but take a taste of my finding him, and relish it with good observance. I found him under a tree, like a dropped acorn—
ROSALIND It may well be called Jove’s tree when it drops forth such fruit.
CELIA Give me audience, good madam. ROSALIND Proceed.
CELIA There lay he, stretched along like a wounded knight—
ROSALIND Though it be pity to see such a sight, it well becomes the ground.
CELIA Cry ‘holla’ to thy tongue, I prithee: it curvets unseasonably.—He was furnished like a hunter—
ROSALIND O ominous—he comes to kill my heart.
CELIA I would sing my song without a burden; thou bringest me out of tune.
ROSALIND Do you not know I am a woman? When I think, I must speak.—Sweet, say on.
Enter Orlando and Jaques
CELIA You bring me out. Soft, comes he not here?
ROSALIND ’Tis he. Slink by, and note him. Rosalind and Celia stand aside
JAQUES (to Orlando) I thank you for your company, but, good faith, I had as lief have been myself alone.
ORLANDO And so had I. But yet for fashion’ sake, I thank you too for your society.
JAQUES God b’wi’you; let’s meet as little as we can.
ORLANDO I do desire we may be better strangers.
JAQUES I pray you mar no more trees with writing love-songs in their barks.
ORLANDO I pray you mar no more of my verses with reading them ill-favouredly.
JAQUES Rosalind is your love’s name?
ORLANDO Yes, just.
JAQUES I do not like her name.
ORLANDO There was no thought of pleasing you when she was christened.
JAQUES What stature is she of?
ORLANDO Just as high as my heart.
JAQUES You are full of pretty answers. Have you not been acquainted with goldsmiths’ wives, and conned them out of rings?
ORLANDO Not so; but I answer you right painted cloth, from whence you have studied your questions.
JAQUES You have a nimble wit; I think ’twas made of Atalanta’s heels. Will you sit down with me, and we two will rail against our mistress the world, and all our misery?
ORLANDO I will chide no breather in the world but myself, against whom I know most faults.
JAQUES The worst fault you have is to be in love.
ORLANDO ’Tis a fault I will not change for your best virtue. I am weary of you.
JAQUES By my troth, I was seeking for a fool when I found you.
ORLANDO He is drowned in the brook. Look but in, and you shall see him.
JAQUES There I shall see mine own figure. ORLANDO Which I take to be either a fool or a cipher.
JAQUES I’ll tarry no longer with you. Farewell, good Signor Love.
ORLANDO I am glad of your departure. Adieu, good Monsieur Melancholy. Exit Jaques
ROSALIND (to Celia) I will speak to him like a saucy lackey, and under that habit play the knave with him. (To Orlando) Do you hear, forester?
ORLANDO Very well. What would you?
ROSALIND I pray you, what is’t o’clock?
ORLANDO You should ask me what time o’ day. There’s no clock in the forest.
ROSALIND Then there is no true lover in the forest, else sighing every minute and groaning every hour would detect the lazy foot of time as well as a clock.
ORLANDO And why not the swift foot of time? Had not that been as proper?
ROSALIND By no means, sir. Time travels in divers paces with divers persons. I’ll tell you who time ambles withal, who time trots withal, who time gallops withal, and who he stands still withal.
ORLANDO I prithee, who doth he trot withal?
ROSALIND Marry, he trots hard with a young maid between the contract of her marriage and the day it is solemnized. If the interim be but a se’nnight, time’s pace is so hard that it seems the length of seven year.
ORLANDO Who ambles time withal?
ROSALIND With a priest that lacks Latin, and a rich man that hath not the gout; for the one sleeps easily because he cannot study, and the other lives merrily because he feels no pain, the one lacking the burden of lean and wasteful learning, the other knowing no burden of heavy tedious penury. These time ambles withal.
ORLANDO Who doth he gallop withal? 317
ROSALIND With a thief to the gallows; for though he go as softly as foot can fall, he thinks himself too soon there.
ORLANDO Who stays it still withal?
ROSALIND With lawyers in the vacation; for they sleep between term and term, and then they perceive not how time moves.
ORLANDO Where dwell you, pretty youth?
ROSALIND With this shepherdess, my sister, here in the skirts of the forest, like fringe upon a petticoat.
ORLANDO Are you native of this place?
ROSALIND As the coney that you see dwell where she is kindled.
ORLANDO Your accent is something finer than you could purchase in so removed a dwelling.
ROSALIND I have been told so of many; but indeed an old religious uncle of mine taught me to speak, who was in his youth an inland man; one that knew courtship too well, for there he fell in love. I have heard him read many lectures against it, and I thank God I am not a woman, to be touched with so many giddy offences as he hath generally taxed their whole sex withal.
ORLANDO Can you remember any of the principal evils that he laid to the charge of women?