SIMPLE What, sir?

SIR JOHN To have her or no. Go say the woman told me SO.

SIMPLE May I be bold to say so, sir?

SIR JOHN Ay, Sir Tike; who more bold?

SIMPLE I thank your worship. I shall make my master glad with these tidings. Exit

HOST Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was there a wise woman with thee?

SIR JOHN Ay, that there was, mine Host, one that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life. And I paid nothing for it, neither, but was paid for my learning.

Enter Bardolph, ⌈muddy⌉

BARDOLPH O Lord, sir, cozenage, mere cozenagel

HOST Where be my horses? Speak well of them, varletto.

BARDOLPH Run away with the cozeners. For so soon as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off from behind one of them, in a slough of mire, and set spurs and away, like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.

HOST They are gone but to meet the Duke, villain. Do not say they be fled. Germans are honest men.

Enter Sir Hugh Evans

EVANS Where is mine Host?

HOST What is the matter, sir?

EVANS Have a care of your entertainments. There is a friend of mine come to town tells me there is three cozen Garmombles that has cozened all the hosts of Reading, of Maidenhead, of Colnbrook, of horses and money. I tell you for good will, look you. You are wise, and full of gibes and vlouting-stocks, and ’tis not convenient you should be cozened. Fare you well.

Exit

Enter Doctor Caius

CAIUS Vere is mine Host de Jarteer?

HOST Here, Master Doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.

CAIUS I cannot tell vat is dat, but it is tell-a me dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany. By my trot, der is no duke that the court is know to come. I tell you for good will. Adieu. Exit

HOST (to Bardolph) Hue and cry, villain, go! (To Sir John) Assist me, knight. I am undone. (To Bardolph) Fly, run, hue and cry, villain. I am undone.

Exeunt Host and Bardolph ⌈severally⌉

SIR JOHN I would all the world might be cozened, for I have been cozened, and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court how I have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen’s boots with me. I warrant they would whip me with their fine wits till I were as crestfallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough, I would repent.

Enter Mistress Quickly

Now; whence come you?

MISTRESS QUICKLY From the two parties, forsooth.

SIR JOHN The devil take one party, and his dam the other, and so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffered more for their sakes, more than the villainous inconstancy of man’s disposition is able to bear.

MISTRESS QUICKLY O Lord, sir, and have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant, speciously one of them. Mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her.

SIR JOHN What tellest thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow, and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford. But that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delivered me, the knave constable had set me i‘th’ stocks, i’th’ common stocks, for a witch.

MISTRESS QUICKLY Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber. You shall hear how things go, and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed.

SIR JOHN Come up into my chamber. Exeunt 4.6 Enter Master Fenton and the Host of the Garter HOST Master Fenton, talk not to me. My mind is heavy.

I will give over all.

FENTON

Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose,

And, as I am a gentleman, I’ll give thee

A hundred pound in gold more than your loss.

HOST I will hear you, Master Fenton, and I will at the least keep your counsel.

FENTON

From time to time I have acquainted you

With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page,

Who mutually hath answered my affection,

So far forth as herself might be her chooser,

Even to my wish. I have a letter from her

Of such contents as you will wonder at,

The mirth whereof so larded with my matter

That neither singly can be manifested

Without the show of both. Fat Falstaff

Hath a great scene. The image of the jest

I’ll show you here at large. Hark, good mine Host.

Tonight at Herne’s Oak, just ‘twixt twelve and one,

Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen—

⌈Showing the letter⌉

The purpose why is here—in which disguise,

While other jests are something rank on foot,

Her father hath commanded her to slip

Away with Slender, and with him at Eton

Immediately to marry. She hath consented.

Now, sir, her mother, ever strong against that match

And firm for Doctor Caius, hath appointed

That he shall likewise shuffle her away,

While other sports are tasking of their minds,

And at the dean’ry, where a priest attends,

Straight marry her. To this her mother’s plot

She, seemingly obedient, likewise hath

Made promise to the Doctor. Now, thus it rests.

Her father means she shall be all in white;

And in that habit, when Slender sees his time

To take her by the hand and bid her go,

She shall go with him. Her mother hath intended,

The better to denote her to the Doctor—

For they must all be masked and visored—

That quaint in green she shall be loose enrobed,

With ribbons pendant flaring ’bout her head;

And when the Doctor spies his vantage ripe,

To pinch her by the hand, and on that token

The maid hath given consent to go with him.

HOST

Which means she to deceive, father or mother?

FENTON

Both, my good Host, to go along with me.

And here it rests: that you’ll procure the vicar

To stay for me at church ’twixt twelve and one,

And, in the lawful name of marrying,

To give our hearts united ceremony.

HOST

Well, husband your device. I’ll to the vicar.

Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.