SHALLOW The Council shall hear it; it is a riot.

EVANS It is not meet the Council hear a riot. There is no fear of Got in a riot. The Council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot. Take your ’visaments in that.

SHALLOW Ha! O’ my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.

EVANS It is petter that friends is the sword and end it. And there is also another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions with it. There is Anne Page which is daughter to Master George Page, which is pretty virginity.

SLENDER Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman?

EVANS It is that fery person for all the ‘orld, as just as you will desire. And seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his death’s-bed—Got deliver to a joyful resurrections—give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old. It were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

SLENDER Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?

EVANS Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny. ⌈SHALLOW⌉I know the young gentlewoman. She has good gifts.

EVANS Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.

SHALLOW Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?

EVANS Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true. The knight Sir John is there, and I beseech you be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master Page.

He knocks on the door

What ho! Got pless your house here I

PAGE ⌈within⌉ Who’s there?

EVANS Here is Got’s plessing and your friend, and Justice Shallow, and here young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale if matters grow to your likings.

⌈Enter Master Page⌉

PAGE I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW Master Page, I am glad to see you. Much good do it your good heart! Iwished your venison better; it was ill killed.—How doth good Mistress Page?—And I thank you always with my heart, la, with my heart.

PAGE Sir, I thank you.

SHALLOW Sir, I thank you. By yea and no, I do.

PAGE I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

SLENDER How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun on Cotswold.

PAGE It could not be judged, sir.

SLENDER You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.

SHALLOW That he will not. ‘Tis your fault, ’tis your fault.

(To Page) ’Tis a good dog.

PAGE A cur, sir.

SHALLOW Sir, he’s a good dog and a fair dog. Can there be more said? He is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?

PAGE Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.

EVANS It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

SHALLOW He hath wronged me, Master Page.

PAGE Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.

SHALLOW If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not that so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he hath; at a word, he hath. Believe me, Robert Shallow, Esquire, saith he is wronged.

Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nim, and Pistol

PAGE Here comes Sir John.

SIR JOHN Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the King?

SHALLOW Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge.

SIR JOHN But not kissed your keeper’s daughter?

SHALLOW Tut, a pin. This shall be answered.

SIR JOHN I will answer it straight: I have done all this.

That is now answered.

SHALLOW The Council shall know this.

SIR JOHN ’Twere better for you if it were known in counsel.

You’ll be laughed at.

EVANS Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts.

SIR JOHN Good worts? Good cabbage!—Slender, I broke your head. What matter have you against me?

SLENDER Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you, and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nim, and Pistol.

BARDOLPH You Banbury cheese!

SLENDER Ay, it is no matter.

PISTOL How now, Mephistopheles?

SLENDER Ay, it is no matter.

NIM Slice, I say pauca, pauca. Slice, that’s my humour.

SLENDER (to Shallow) Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?

EVANS Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand: that is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine Host of the Garter.

PAGE We three to hear it, and end it between them.

EVANS Fery goot. I will make a prief of it in my notebook, and we will afterwards ’ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.

SIR JOHN Pistol.

PISTOL He hears with ears.

EVANS The tevil and his tam! What phrase is this? ‘He hears with ear’! Why, it is affectations.

SIR JOHN Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?

SLENDER Ay, by these gloves did he—or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else—of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards that cost me two shilling and twopence apiece of Ed Miller. By these gloves.

SIR JOHN Is this true, Pistol?

EVANS No, it is false, if it is a pickpurse.

PISTOL

Ha, thou mountain-foreigner Sir John and master

mine,

I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.—

Word of denial in thy labras here,

Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest.

SLENDER (pointing to Nim) By these gloves, then, ’twas he.

NIM Be advised, sir, and pass good humours. I will say ’marry, trap with you’ if you run the nuthook’s humour on me. That is the very note of it.

SLENDER By this hat, then, he in the red face had it. For though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.

SIR JOHN (to Bardolph) What say you, Scarlet and John?

BARDOLPH Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.

EVANS It is ‘his five senses’. Fie, what the ignorance is!

BARDOLPH And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered. And so conclusions passed the careers.

SLENDER Ay, you spake in Latin then, too. But ‘tis no matter. I’ll ne’er be drunk, whilst I live, again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick. If I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

EVANS So Got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

SIR JOHN You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen, you hear it.

Enter Anne Page, with wine

PAGE Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we’ll drink within. Exit Anne

SLENDER O heaven, this is Mistress Anne Page! ⌈Enter at another door Mistress Ford and Mistress Pagel⌉

PAGE How now, Mistress Ford?

SIR JOHN Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met. By your leave, good mistress.

⌈He kisses her⌉

PAGE Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome.—Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner. Come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.

Exeunt all but Slender

SLENDER I had rather than forty shillings I had my book of songs and sonnets here.

Enter Simple

How now, Simple, where have you been? I must wait

on myself, must I? You have not the book of riddles

about you, have you?

SIMPLE Book of riddles? Why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?

Enter Shallow and Evans

SHALLOW (to Slender) Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. (Aside to him) A word with you, coz.