I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.

PRINCESS

Pardon me, sir, this jewel did she wear,

And Lord Biron, I thank him, is my dear.

(To Biron) What, will you have me, or your pearl again?

BIRON

Neither of either. I remit both twain.

I see the trick on’t. Here was a consent,

Knowing aforehand of our merriment,

To dash it like a Christmas comedy.

Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight zany,

Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, some Dick

That smiles his cheek in years, and knows the trick

To make my lady laugh when she’s disposed,

Told our intents before, which once disclosed,

The ladies did change favours, and then we,

Following the signs, wooed but the sign of she.

Now, to our perjury to add more terror,

We are again forsworn, in will and error.

Much upon this ’tis, (to Boyet) and might not you

Forestall our sport, to make us thus untrue?

Do not you know my lady’s foot by th’ square,

And laugh upon the apple of her eye,

And stand between her back, sir, and the fire,

Holding a trencher, jesting merrily?

You put our page out. Go, you are allowed.

Die when you will, a smock shall be your shroud.

You leer upon me, do you? There’s an eye

Wounds like a leaden sword.

BOYET

Full merrily

Hath this brave manège, this career been run.

BIRON

Lo, he is tilting straight. Peace, I have done.

Enter Costard the clown

Welcome, pure wit. Thou partest a fair fray.

COSTARD

O Lord, sir, they would know 485

Whether the three Worthies shall come in or no.

BIRON

What, are there but three?

COSTARD

No, sir, but it is vara fine,

For everyone pursents three.

BIRON

And three times thrice is nine.

COSTARD

Not so, sir, under correction, sir, I hope it is not so.

You cannot beg us, sir. I can assure you, sir, we

know what we know.

I hope, sir, three times thrice, sir—

BIRON

Is not nine?

COSTARD Under correction, sir, we know whereuntil it doth amount.

BIRON By Jove, I always took three threes for nine.

COSTARD O Lord, sir, it were pity you should get your living by reck’ning, sir. BIRON How much is it?

COSTARD O Lord, sir, the parties themselves, the actors, sir, will show whereuntil it doth amount. For mine own part, I am, as they say, but to parfect one man in one poor man, Pompion the Great, sir.

BIRON Art thou one of the Worthies?

COSTARD It pleased them to think me worthy of Pompey the Great. For mine own part, I know not the degree of the Worthy, but I am to stand for him.

BIRON Go, bid them prepare.

COSTARD

We will turn it finely off, sir. We will take some care.

Exit

KING

Biron, they will shame us. Let them not approach.

BIRON

We are shame-proof, my lord, and ‘tis some policy

To have one show worse than the King’s and his

company.

KING I say they shall not come.

PRINCESS

Nay, my good lord, let me o’errule you now.

That sport best pleases that doth least know how.

Where zeal strives to content, and the contents

Dies in the zeal of that which it presents,

There form confounded makes most form in mirth,

When great things labouring perish in their birth.

BIRON

A right description of our sport, my lord.

Enter Armado the braggart

ARMADO (to the King) Anointed, I implore so much expense of thy royal sweet breath as will utter a brace of words.

⌈Armado and the King speak apart⌉

PRINCESS Doth this man serve God?

BIRON Why ask you?

PRINCESS

A speaks not like a man of God his making.

ARMADO That is all one, my fair sweet honey monarch, for, I protest, the schoolmaster is exceeding fantastical, too-too vain, too-too vain. But we will put it, as they say, to fortuna de la guerra. I wish you the peace of mind, most royal couplement.

Exit

KING Here is like to be a good presence of Worthies. He presents Hector of Troy, the swain Pompey the Great, the parish curate Alexander, Armado’s page Hercules, the pedant Judas Maccabeus, And if these four Worthies in their first show thrive, These four will change habits and present the other five.

BIRON

There is five in the first show.

KING

You are deceived, ’tis not so.

BIRON

The pedant, the braggart, the hedge-priest, the fool,

and the boy,

Abate throw at novum and the whole world again

Cannot pick out five such, take each one in his vein.

KING

The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.

Enter Costard the clown as Pompey

COSTARD (as Pompey)

I Pompey am—

BIRON You lie, you are not he.

COSTARD (as Pompey)

I Pompey am—

BOYET With leopard’s head on knee.

BIRON

Well said, old mocker. I must needs be friends with thee.

COSTARD (as Pompey)

I Pompey am, Pompey surnamed the Big.

DUMAINE ‘The Great’.

COSTARD It is ‘Great’, sir—

(As Pompey) Pompey surnamed the Great,

That oft in field with targe and shield did make my

foe to sweat,

And travelling along this coast I here am come by

chance,

And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of

France.—

If your ladyship would say ‘Thanks, Pompey’, I had

done.

⌈PRTNCESS⌉ Great thanks, great Pompey.

COSTARD ‘Tis not so much worth, but I hope I was perfect.

I made a little fault in ‘great’.

BIRON My hat to a halfpenny Pompey proves the best

Worthy.

Costard stands aside.

Enter Nathaniel the curate as Alexander

NATHANIEL (as Alexander)

When in the world I lived I was the world’s commander.

By east, west, north, and south, I spread my conquering might.

My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander.

BOYET

Your nose says no, you are not, for it stands too right.

BIRON (to Boyet)

Your nose smells ‘no’ in this, most tender-smelling knight.

PRINCESS

The conqueror is dismayed. Proceed, good Alexander.