Known unto these, and to myself disguised!

I’ll say as they say, and persever so,

And in this mist at all adventures go.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Master, shall I be porter at the gate ?

ADRIANA

Ay, and let none enter, lest I break your pate.

LUCIANA

Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.

Exeunt into the Phoenix⌉

3.1 Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio, Angelo the goldsmith, and Balthasar the merchant

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Good Signor Angelo, you must excuse us all.

My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours.

Say that I lingered with you at your shop

To see the making of her carcanet,

And that tomorrow you will bring it home.—

But here’s a villain that would face me down

He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,

And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,

And that I did deny my wife and house.

Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know—II

That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to

show.

If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave

were ink,

Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

I think thou art an ass.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS Marry, so it doth appear

By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.

I should kick being kicked, and, being at that pass,

You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

You’re sad, Signor Balthasar. Pray God our cheer

May answer my good will, and your good welcome

here.

BALTHASAR

I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

O, Signor Balthasar, either at flesh or fish

A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.

BALTHASAR

Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but words.

BALTHASAR

Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest.

But though my cates be mean, take them in good part.

Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.

But soft, my door is locked. (To Dromio) Go bid them let us in.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS (calling)

Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn!

⌈⌈Enter Dromio of Syracuse within the Phoenix⌉

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within the Phoenix)

Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch!

Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch.

Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such store

When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within)

Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on’s feet.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Who talks within there ? Ho, open the door!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within the Phoenix)

Right, sir, I’ll tell you when, an you’ll tell me wherefore.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Wherefore? For my dinner—I have not dined today.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within the Phoenix)

Nor today here you must not. Come again when you may.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I owe?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within the Phoenix)

The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

O villain, thou hast stol’n both mine office and my name.

The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle blame.

If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,

Thou wouldst have changed thy pate for an aim, or

thy name for an ass.

Enter Nell within the Phoenix

NELL (within the Phoenix)

What a coil is there, Dromio? Who are those at the gate?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Let my master in, Nell.

NELL (within the Phoenix) Faith no, he comes too late;

And so tell your master.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS O Lord, I must laugh.

Have at you with a proverb: ‘Shall I set in my staff?’

NELL (within the Phoenix)

Have at you with another—that’s ‘When ? Can you tell?’

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within the Phoenix)

If thy name be called Nell, Nell, thou hast answered him well. ⌈ ⌉

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS (to Nell)

Do you hear, you minion ? You’ll let us in, I hope ?

NELL (within the Phoenix)

I thought to have asked you.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) And you said no.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

So, come help.

⌈He and Antipholus beat the door⌉

Well struck! There was blow for blow.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS (to Nell)

Thou baggage, let me in.

NELL (within the Phoenix) Can you tell for whose sake?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Master, knock the door hard.

NELL (within the Phoenix)

Let him knock till it ache.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.

NELL (within the Phoenix)

What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?

Enter Adriana within the Phoenix

ADRIANA (within the Phoenix)

Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within the Phoenix)

By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS (to Adriana)

Are you there, wife ? You might have come before.

ADRIANA (within the Phoenix)

Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door.

Exit with Nell

DROMIO OF EPHESUS (to Antipholus)

If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore.

ANGELO (to Antipholus)

Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we would fain have either.

BALTHASAR

In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS (to Antipholus)

They stand at the door, master. Bid them welcome hither.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.

Your cake here is warm within: you stand here in the cold.

It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS