And, for a jig, come cut and long-tail to him,
He turns ye like a top.
JAILER
That’s fine, indeed.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
He’ll dance the morris twenty mile an hour,
And that will founder the best hobbyhorse,
If I have any skill, in all the parish—
And gallops to the tune of ‘Light o’ love’.
What think you of this horse?
JAILER
Having these virtues
I think he might be brought to play at tennis.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
Alas, that’s nothing.
JAILER
Can he write and read too?
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
A very fair hand, and casts himself th’accounts
Of all his hay and provender. That ostler
Must rise betime that cozens him. You know
The chestnut mare the Duke has?
JAILER
Very well.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
She is horribly in love with him, poor beast,
But he is like his master—coy and scornful.
JAILER
What dowry has she?
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
Some two hundred bottles
And twenty strike of oats, but he’ll ne’er have her.
He lisps in’s neighing, able to entice
A miller’s mare. He’ll be the death of her.
DOCTOR What stuff she utters!
JAILER Make curtsy—here your love comes.
WOOER (coming forward) Pretty soul,
How do ye?
She curtsies
That’s a fine maid, there’s a curtsy.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
Yours to command, i’th’ way of honesty—
How far is’t now to th’ end o’th’ world, my masters?
DOCTOR
Why, a day’s journey, wench.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER (to Wooer) Will you go with me?
WOOER
What shall we do there, wench?
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
Why, play at stool-ball—
What is there else to do?
WOOER I am content
If we shall keep our wedding there.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
’Tis true—
For there, I will assure you, we shall find
Some blind priest for the purpose that will venture
To marry us, for here they are nice, and foolish.
Besides, my father must be hanged tomorrow,
And that would be a blot i’th’ business.
Are not you Palamon?
WOOER
Do not you know me?
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
Yes, but you care not for me. I have nothing
But this poor petticoat and two coarse smocks.
WOOER
That’s all one—I will have you.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
Will you surely?
WOOER
Yes, by this fair hand, will I.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
We’ll to bed then.
WOOER
E’en when you will.
He kisses her
JAILER’S DAUGHTER (rubbing off the kiss)
O, sir, you would fain be nibbling.
WOOER
Why do you rub my kiss off?
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
’Tis a sweet one,
And will perfume me finely against the wedding. 90
(Indicating the Doctor) Is not this your cousin Arcite?
DOCTOR
Yes, sweetheart,
And I am glad my cousin Palamon
Has made so fair a choice.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
Do you think he’ll have me?
DOCTOR
Yes, without doubt.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER (to the Jailer) Do you think so too?
JAILER Yes.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
We shall have many children. ⌈To the Doctor⌉ Lord,
how you’re grown!
My Palamon, I hope, will grow too, finely,
Now he’s at liberty. Alas, poor chicken,
He was kept down with hard meat and ill lodging,
But I’ll kiss him up again.
Enter a Messenger
MESSENGER
What do you here? You’ll lose the noblest sight
That e’er was seen.
JAILER
Are they i’th’ field?
MESSENGER
They are—
You bear a charge there too.
JAILER
I’ll away straight.
⌈To the others⌉ I must e’en leave you here.
DOCTOR
Nay, we’ll go with you—
I will not lose the sight.
JAILER
How did you like her?
DOCTOR
I’ll warrant you, within these three or four days
I’ll make her right again.
⌈Exit the Jailer with the Messenger⌉
(To the Wooer) You must not from her,
But still preserve her in this way.
WOOER
I will.
DOCTOR
Let’s get her in.
WOOER (to the Jailer’s Daughter)
Come, sweet, we’ll go to dinner,
And then we’ll play at cards.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
And shall we kiss too?
WOOER
A hundred times.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER And twenty.
WOOER
Ay, and twenty. no
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
And then we’ll sleep together.
DOCTOR (to the Wooer)
Take her offer.
WOOER (to the Jailer’s Daughter)
Yes, marry, will we.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER
But you shall not hurt me.
WOOER
I will not, sweet.
JAILER’S DAUGHTER If you do, love, I’ll cry.
Exeunt
5.5 Flourish. Enter Theseus, Hippolyta, Emilia, Pirithous, and some attendants
EMILIA
I’ll no step further.
PIRITHOUS
Will you lose this sight?
EMILIA
I had rather see a wren hawk at a fly
Than this decision. Every blow that falls
Threats a brave life; each stroke laments
The place whereon it falls, and sounds more like
A bell than blade. I will stay here.
It is enough my hearing shall be punished
With what shall happen, ’gainst the which there is
No deafing, but to hear; not taint mine eye
With dread sights it may shun.
PIRITHOUS (to Theseus)
Sir, my good lord,
Your sister will no further.
THESEUS
O she must.
She shall see deeds of honour in their kind,
Which sometime show well pencilled. Nature now
Shall make and act the story, the belief
Both sealed with eye and ear. (To Emilia) You must be
present—
You are the victor’s meed, the price and garland
To crown the question’s title.
EMILIA
Pardon me,
If I were there I’d wink.
THESEUS
You must be there—
This trial is, as ’twere, i’th’ night, and you