SIR PATRICK Well, thats two wives to start with.

B. B. Now upon my soul I dont want to be uncharitable; but really I’m beginning to suspect that our young friend is rather careless.

SIR PATRICK Beginning to think! How long will it take you, man, to find out that he’s a damned young blackguard?

BLENKINSOP Oh, thats severe, Sir Patrick, very severe. Of course it’s bigamy; but still he’s very young; and she’s very pretty. Mr Walpole: may I spunge on you for another of those nice cigarets of yours? [He changes his seat for the one next WALPOLE].

WALPOLE Certainly. [He feels in his pockets]. Oh bother! Where — ? [Suddenly remembering] I say: I recollect now: I passed my cigaret case to Dubedat and he didnt return it. It was a gold one.

THE MAID He didnt mean any harm: he never thinks about things like that, sir. I’ll get it back for you, sir, if youll tell me where to find him.

RIDGEON What am I to do? Shall I give her the address or not?

SIR PATRICK Give her your own address; and then we’ll see. [To the maid] Youll have to be content with that for the present, my girl. [RIDGEON gives her his card]. Whats your name?

THE MAID Minnie Tinwell, sir.

SIR PATRICK Well, you write him a letter to care of this gentleman ; and it will be sent on. Now be off with you.

THE MAID Thank you, sir. I’m sure you wouldnt see me wronged. Thank you all, gentlemen; and excuse the liberty. She goes into the hotel. They watch her in silence.

RIDGEON [when she is gone] Do you realize, you chaps, that we have promised Mrs Dubedat to save this fellow’s life?

BLENKINSOP Whats the matter with him?

RIDGEON Tuberculosis.

BLENKINSOP [interested] And can you cure that?

RIDGEON I believe so.

BLENKINSOP Then I wish youd cure me. My right lung is touched, I’m sorry to say.

BLENKINSOP [putting his, fingers in his ears] No, no: it’s no use. I know what youre going to say: Ive said it often to others. I cant afford to take care of myself; and theres an end of it. If a fortnight’s holiday would save my life, I’d have to die. I shall get on as others have to get on. We cant all go to St Moritz or to Egypt, you know, Sir Ralph. Dont talk about it.

Embarrassed silence.

SIR PATRICK [grunts and looks hard at RIDGEON]!

SCHUTZMACHER [looking at his watch and rising] I must go. It’s been a very pleasant evening, Colly. You might let me have my portrait if you dont mind. I’ll send Mr Dubedat that couple of sovereigns for it.

RIDGEON [giving him the menu card] Oh dont do that, Loony. I dont think he’d like that.

SCHUTZMACHER Well, of course I shant if you feel that way about it. But I dont think you understand Dubedat. However, perhaps thats because I’m a Jew. Good-night, Dr Blenkinsop [shaking hands].

BLENKINSOP Good-night, sir — I mean — Good-night.

SCHUTZMACHER [waving his hand to the rest] Good-night, everybody.

B. B. repeats the salutation several times, in varied musical tones. SCHUTZMACHER goes out.

SIR PATRICK It’s time for us all to move. [He rises and comes between BLENKINSOP and WALPOLE. RIDGEON also rises]. Mr Walpole: take Blenkinsop home: he’s had enough of the open air cure for to-night. Have you a thick overcoat to wear in the motor, Dr Blenkinsop?

BLENKINSOP Oh, theyll give me some brown paper in the hotel; and a few thicknesses of brown paper across the chest are better than any fur coat.

WALPOLE Well, come along. Good-night, Colly.Youre coming with us, arnt you, B. B.?

B. B. Yes: I’m coming. [WALPOLE and BLENKINSOP go into the hotel]. Good-night, my dear Ridgeon [shaking hands affectionately]. Dont let us lose sight of your interesting patient and his very charming wife. We must not judge him too hastily, you know. [With unction] G o o o o o o o o d-night, Paddy. Bless you, dear old chap. [SIR PATRICK utters a formidable grunt. B. B. laughs and pats him indulgently on the shoulder]. Good-night. Good-night. Good-night. Good-night. [He good-nights himself into the hotel].

The others have meanwhile gone without ceremony. RIDGEON and SIR PATRICK are left alone together. RIDGEON, deep in thought, comes down to SIR PATRICK.

SIR PATRICK Well, Mr Savior of Lives: which is it to be? that honest decent man Blenkinsop, or that rotten blackguard of an artist, eh?

RIDGEON It’s not an easy case to judge, is it? Blenkinsop’s an honest decent man; but is he any use? Dubedat’s a rotten blackguard; but he’s a genuine source of pretty and pleasant and good things.

SIR PATRICK What will he be a source of for that poor innocent wife of his, when she finds him out?

RIDGEON Thats true. Her life will be a hell.

SIR PATRICK And tell me this. Suppose you had this choice put before you: either to go through life and find all the pictures bad but all the men and women good, or to go through life and find all the pictures good and all the men and women rotten. Which would you choose?

RIDGEON Thats a devilishly difficult question, Paddy. The pictures are so agreeable, and the good people so infernally disagreeable and mischievous, that I really cant undertake to say offhand which I should prefer to do without.

SIR PATRICK Come come! none of your cleverness with me: I’m too old for it. Blenkinsop isnt that sort of good man; and you know it.

RIDGEON It would be simpler if Blenkinsop could paint Dubedat’s pictures.

SIR PATRICK It would be simpler still if Dubedat had some of Blenkinsop’s honesty. The world isnt going to be made simple for you, my lad: you must take it as it is.Youve to hold the scales between Blenkinsop and Dubedat. Hold them fairly.

RIDGEON Well, I’ll be as fair as I can . I’ll put into one scale all the pounds Dubedat has borrowed, and into the other all the half-crowns that Blenkinsop hasnt borrowed.

SIR PATRICK And youll take out of Dubedat’s scale all the faith he has destroyed and the honor he has lost, and youll put into Blenkinsop’s scale all the faith he has justified and the honor he has created.

RIDGEON Come come, Paddy! none of your claptrap with me: I’m too sceptical for it. I’m not at all convinced that the world wouldnt be a better world if everybody behaved as Dubedat does than it is now that everybody behaves as Blenkinsop does.

SIR PATRICK Then why dont y o u behave as Dubedat does?

RIDGEON Ah, that beats me. Thats the experimental test. Still, it’s a dilemma. It’s a dilemma. You see theres a complication we havnt mentioned.

SIR PATRICK Whats that?

RIDGEON Well, if I let Blenkinsop die, at least nobody can say I did it because I wanted to marry his widow.

SIR PATRICK Eh? Whats that?

RIDGEON Now if I let Dubedat die, I’ll marry his widow

SIR PATRICK Perhaps she wont have you, you know.

RIDGEON [with a self-assured shake of the head] I’ve a pretty good flair for that sort of thing. I know when a woman is interested in me. She is.

SIR PATRICK Well, sometimes a man knows best; and sometimes he knows worst. Youd much better cure them both.

RIDGEON I cant. I’m at my limit. I can squeeze in one more case, but not two. I must choose.

SIR PATRICK Well, you must choose as if she didnt exist: thats clear.

RIDGEON Is that clear to you? Mind: it’s not clear to me. She troubles my judgment.

SIR PATRICK To me, it’s a plain choice between a man and a lot of pictures.

RIDGEON It’s easier to replace a dead man than a good picture.

SIR PATRICK Colly: when you live in an age that runs to pictures and statues and plays and brass bands because its men and women are not good enough to comfort its poor aching soul, you should thank Providence that you belong to a profession which is a high and great profession because its business is to heal and mend men and women.