‘I promise, kiddo, but I need you to do something for me.’

‘OK.’

‘I have something very important to do today, that’s why we can’t go fishing.’

‘But it’s Sunday, Dad. You don’t work on Sundays.’

‘What I have to do today isn’t work. But it’s something very, very important.’ He paused for an instant. ‘You told me once that you have a secret place, isn’t that right?’

Andrew looked concerned.

‘Do you still have it?’

The boy nodded shyly. ‘Yes, but I can’t tell you where it is, Dad. It’s secret.’

‘That’s OK. I don’t want you to tell me where it is.’ He reached under his seat for something. ‘What I need you to do is go to your secret place and stay there all day long. You can play with these.’ Ray showed him three six-inch figurines – Wolverine, Professor X and Cyclops.

‘Wow.’ Andrew couldn’t believe his eyes. It got better and better.

‘What do you say? Do you like your presents?’

‘Yes, Dad. Thank you very much.’ He reached for the toys.

‘It’s all right, son, but can you do that for me? Can you go to your secret place and just stay there until tonight, playing with your new toys?’

Andrew slowly peeled his eyes from the figurines and refocused them on his father’s anxious face. ‘You won’t fight with Mom again?’

Ray gave him a coy headshake. ‘Never again,’ he whispered.

‘Promise?’

‘I promise, son.’

Another animated smile. ‘OK then.’

‘Don’t come out until tonight, you hear?’

‘I won’t, Dad. I promise.’

‘Here.’ Ray gave him the paper bag. ‘There are chocolate bars – Butterfingers; I know they’re your favorite – some Pringles, a cheese and ham sandwich and two more bottles of soda, so you don’t get hungry or thirsty.’

Andrew took the bag and looked inside.

‘Don’t eat everything at once or else you’ll be ill.’

‘I won’t.’

‘OK then. Is your secret place close by? Can you walk there?’

‘Yes, I can walk there, Dad. It’s not far.’

Ray hugged his son again, this time for a very long time. ‘I love you, Andrew. I’ll always love you, son, no matter what. Please remember that, OK?’

‘I love you too, Dad.’ While his father battled with tears, Andrew opened his door and skipped on down the road with his new shirt, trainers and toys. His father had promised never to fight with his mother again. It was the happiest day of his life.

One Hundred and One

Andrew turned on the radio, hoping that music would help push the memories away, but it was already too late. His mind was on a rollercoaster trip, and the memories and images just kept on coming.

He remembered that it had taken him only a few minutes to get back to his house after leaving his father at the gas station. He stuck the figurines in his coat pocket, jumped the fence and waited in the bushes that led to the backyard. He just wanted to make sure his mother wasn’t out there. It was too cold for her to sit out back anyway. Dashing to the wall, he started climbing up the trellis as he did every day, this time being even more careful than usual not to dirty his new trainers. He squeezed through the small round window at the top and entered his secret place.

The first thing he did, as always, was to take off his shoes and slip into a thick pair of woolen socks. The attic floorboards were steady, and he’d identified the squeaky spots long ago, but he still had to be careful when moving around up there. Andrew had already developed a way of tiptoeing and sliding his feet across the floor that allowed him to move around in almost total silence.

Andrew placed the three figurines on top of a wooden crate in the corner and stared at them with smiling eyes. His gaze flicked over to a bag of cotton balls and a box of paper clips on the floor by the crate. He felt something warm start growing inside him. Something he hadn’t felt in a long while. Suddenly he stuck his tongue out at the cotton balls and paper clips, mocking them. He wouldn’t be needing them any more. His father had promised him that he’d never fight with his mother again. And his father always kept his promises. They would go back to being a happy family like they used to be. And that meant that he wouldn’t have to initiate his own pain any more.

Andrew slotted himself in his favorite corner and grabbed a handful of comic books. He’d read them all, but he didn’t mind.

He must’ve been sitting there, flipping through his magazines for almost two hours when he heard a noise inside his parents’ room. Andrew put the comics down and looked through one of the many gaps he’d created in the floor. His mother had just walked into the room. She was wrapped in a fluffy yellow towel. Her hair was still wet and combed back. Andrew took his eye off the gap before his mother let go of her towel. He’d seen her naked before, but it had been by mistake. She’d been standing on a blind spot from any of Andrew’s floor gaps. When she finally reappeared, she had nothing on. Andrew knew it was wrong to look at his mother or father naked. He’d seen them hiding under the covers, making strange noises. He knew that’s what all the kids in school called a fuck, but from where he was standing, neither of them looked like they were enjoying it very much.

He went back to his comics, knowing that he had to be extra quiet now, but then he heard the door to his parents’ room being slammed shut with tremendous violence. His eye returned to the gap and his breath froze for several seconds. His father was standing by the shut door, but his face was almost unrecognizable, covered in so much rage it frightened Andrew down to his soul. His father’s hands, arms and shirt were soaked in blood. His mother was standing naked and paralyzed across the room from her husband.

‘Oh my God. What happened? Where’s Andrew?’ she asked, panic stalking her voice.

‘You don’t have to concern yourself with Andrew, you lying whore,’ Ray blasted in such an angry voice the room almost shook. ‘You should concern yourself more with your fucking lover.’

Emily hesitated.

‘I don’t think you’ll be fucking him any more.’ From his pocket he took something out. To Andrew it looked like a very bloody piece of meat.

Emily let out a strangled cry. ‘Oh my God, Ray. What have you done? What on God’s earth have you done?’ Her hands shot towards her open mouth in absolute terror.

‘I made sure that Nathan, that pathetic excuse for a man, will never wreck another home again.’ He smiled a satanic smile. ‘I also made sure that he won’t be able to say a word when he meets his maker. You could say that his lips are sealed.’ He took two steps in Emily’s direction.

She took one pace back and tried to cover her body with her hands.

‘Why did you have to do it, Emily? Why did you have to destroy our family? Why did you have to betray my love this way? Why did you have to make me do these things?’ Spit flew from Ray’s mouth. He returned the bloody piece of meat to his pocket. ‘Do you remember what we used to say to each other?’ He didn’t wait for a reply. ‘We used to say – You are the one, honey. You are the one I’ve been looking for all my life. You are my soul mate. We’ll never be apart because you are the person I want to spend the rest ofmy life with. Do you remember that?’

Silence.

‘ANSWER ME.’

Ray’s yell was so loud and full of rage, Andrew immediately wet himself up in the attic.

‘Ye— yes.’ Emily had started crying and shivering so violently she was almost hyperventilating.