This date would make entertaining radio on Monday morning but it sucked being the subject of it all. Once my radio cohost heard the news of my mother taking it upon herself to sign me up for one of those matchmaking websites, he was completely on board and on my mother’s side. So for our show I had to go on one blind date a week and report in on Monday about how it went. I’d been adding a spin on it about the do’s and don’ts of dating which had been getting rave reviews but it was getting quite old. There I was, thirty-three years old and I’d never been married. I was seriously contemplating just giving up. Maybe then I would find my ‘soul mate.’
It was entirely too early to go home so I did the next best thing, I went to the grocery store. What better way to start off your weekend than to pick up a pint of your favorite ice cream, coincidentally named after you…But in my defense, it was only available from May to August and during that time I ate copious amounts of it. A night like I had just had definitely called for Edy’s German Chocolate Cake Spectacular. With a name like that you know it’s nothing short of heavenly.
I felt my phone vibrate in my hobo purse that was slung on my shoulder; I already knew who it was. My best friend, Julia, or Jules as I often liked to call her always called to check up on me during a date to make sure things were going well. Or as I tended to put it, to be my excuse if I needed to bail.
Pressing my finger on my phone screen to accept the call, I placed my phone to my ear, “Hey, girl!” I answered while I was desperately searching the ice cream section for my limited-edition treat.
“You sound unusually chipper for being on a date. Should I assume that things are actually going well?” Jules’ melodic voice filtered through the speaker.
“Completely the opposite, he was a dimwit who tried to order my food for me. And that’s not the worst, what he tried to order, Petunia wouldn’t even touch!” Petunia was my fourteen pound Westie, and she would eat just about anything you put in front of her. I decided to forgo the embarrassment of his crying fit for now.
“Ugh! Seriously, Eden, do you think you’re getting a little bit too picky nowadays?”
“What are you, my mother? And who is the one who’s been married two times…AND divorced?” Eden = 1, Jules = -2
“Hardy har, bitch. But really, what are you doing right now since you skipped out on Mr. Thought-you-were-incapable-of-ordering-your-own-meal?”
“Oh you know, I’m living the dream. Grocery shopping on a Friday night.”
“You’re getting ice cream!” Silence from my end, “And your silence confirms it! You aren’t supposed to get ice cream without me!”
“Well you are more than welcome to join me and Petunia on our all-night ice cream binge fest.”
“Nah, I’m tired.” Cue an eye roll from me. She had to make a complete spectacle about me buying ice cream then turn down my invitation, what a twat! “But since you are in the grocery store you should head on over to the produce section, you never know when you could meet someone. You know, and flirt over kumquats.”
My black flats squeaked on the tiled floor as my steps faltered. “Julia, only you could make a fruit sound dirty.”
“You’re listening to 98.9 Nashville’s Powerhouse, playing top hits from yesterday and today! You’ve got Eden and Blaine in the morning!” My cohost, Blaine Roberts, smoothly spoke into the microphone on the desk in front of him. “It’s Monday morning and we all know what that means…We get to recap Eden’s Evening of Enchantment!” Or triple E, as he often shortened it.
I finished grumbling under my breath as I put my headphones on over my ears and brought my mouth up to my microphone. “Good morning! I hope everyone had an enjoyable weekend…”
“Nope! You are not getting out of this, Eden, it’s what our fans look forward to before their grueling work week, a recap of what had the potential to be an amazing date!” Blaine snickered before looking up over his microphone and giving me puppy dog eyes.
“Oh all right. Well, my blind date, who shall always remain nameless, showed up ten minutes late without so much as a text informing me of him being tardy: strike one. So we head into the restaurant, which he chose, and it was actually a very elegant establishment …Everything is all right so far, we are making small talk while we peruse the menu for what we want to eat. But when the waitress comes up he proceeds to order my meal for me. Salmon salad with asparagus, and as I’ve said numerous times on the air, I loathe asparagus. That alone was enough for strikes two AND three. I know sometimes men are old-fashioned and are trying to be chivalrous but he didn’t so much as bat an eye at trying to open the door for me or pull out my chair. But being the nice person that I am decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. He could’ve been nervous for all I knew. Next thing I know he’s a blubbering mess, talking about how his wife just left him and he’s tried everything he could think of to get me to bail out on him. So, I granted his wish, left him crying in the restaurant and had a date with my dog and a carton of amazing ice cream. So I would call this date, Eden’s Evening of Enmity. Please remind me to thank Joan on her amazing hookup! In all seriousness, I hope he and his wife can reconcile their differences.”
“Eden, such hostility with a weird twist of sympathy!” Blaine said, pretending to actually be shocked at my having another dud of a date.
“You would have been the same way Blaine! This is the twenty-first century, we women can order our own meals and one without an ingredient that makes you retch every time you see it let alone smell it on a plate in front of you.”
A thought entered my mind and I couldn’t believe it, but it just might work well for both of us. I had to pause a moment for dramatic effect, “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I stopped to take a deep breath. “Blaine will you marry me?” This would solve my problem and keep my mother off of my back about how my time is ticking away. And besides Blaine and I got along well enough, when we weren’t butting heads on the air over our different views. I peeked around my mic and graced him with the biggest smile I could muster, he knew I was just kidding, it was how our on-air relationship worked. And plus, he was more like a brother to me than anything. But if he actually agreed to this farce, I wouldn’t be against actually considering it.
“Tell you what, Eden, give me five years, if we’re both still single I’ll marry you. I’m still sort of holding out for my sugar mama,” he replied, shrugging one of his shoulders and wagging his eyebrows.
“You don’t think I could be your sugar mama? After all, I am older than you. And plus you never know, we could be star-crossed lovers.” I batted my lashes in his direction and clasped my hands together bringing them to my chest.
“Big freaking deal, you’re older than me by ten months! I’d hardly call that cougar status.” We both erupted in a fit of laughter. Wow, imagine that, we were moving extremely off topic. It happened when the two of us started rambling on air, but our boss Mr. Richmond didn’t have the best sense of humor and we were often scolded on the turns our show took. But the listeners loved it and continued to tune in because you never knew what would happen on air. Wasn’t that what it’s all about? Entertaining our listeners?
“Moving on now, I did receive some mail this weekend that I thought was pretty interesting. I got an invitation to my fifteen year reunion. I can’t believe it’s actually been that long.”
“Oh wow! Are you going to go? You haven’t been back home since you’ve graduated, right?”
I wasn’t exactly sure why I brought up the invitation on the air, it wasn’t like I was actually planning on going. And Blaine was right, I hadn’t been back since the day after I graduated High School; the place harbored too many unpleasant memories that I didn’t care to dredge up.